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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to breastfeed in public even though DH is uncomfortable with it and thinks I should find somewhere private?

861 replies

Sequine · 29/10/2015 17:29

DS is 7weeks. He often struggles to latch and slips off repeatedly during a feed, so I dislike feeding under a shawl and find it hard to be discreet, as I need to keep reattaching him. I wear wrap dresses so I can just pull dress and bra down at one side. I don't really care if anyone sees my breast and don't feel the need to hide away in a corner or find a baby changing room for privacy. I've BF in the middle of Costa, in restaurants, in clothes shops and in a furniture shop, also in GP waiting room and in the back of a taxi as DS was crying and hungry. However, DH thinks BF should be a private thing and thinks I should either feed under a shawl or take a bottle of expressed milk. He said not to be surprised if shop manager asks me to feed elsewhere. My BF support group all say they feed anywhere and are against shawls as they think it makes BF out to be something obscene.
What do others think? Would you be offended by someone BF a small baby without a shawl? Are there places where its inappropriate to BF?

OP posts:
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6
Booboostwo · 31/10/2015 11:35

My friend's husband used to leave the room when I bfed DD - his problem, he chose to visit us, his choice to walk out.

Then a couple of months later he showed us glamour shots of his wife - again their choice, I have nothing again getting glamour shots done although I thought it was a bit odd that I have now seen his wife's breasts, anus and vulva, while he blushed at the sight of half my breast.

We live in a weird world where glamour shots are shared around at dinner parties, but breastfeeding in public is such a shocking big deal.

GruntledOne · 31/10/2015 11:54

But Jasper, why should OP have to put a shawl over herself when feeding if she's somewhere that's perfectly warm?

Alisvolatpropiis · 31/10/2015 11:58

He is being unreasonable but it's new to him and hopefully he'll come round.

You just carry on doing what works best for you.

Don't understand pp's comments about finding it hard to look at someone when bf or making a statement by doing so in Costa.

I formula feed my baby but have friends who are bf'ing. We've sat in Costa, feeding our babies in our different ways and funnily enough it hasn't been a struggle to maintain eye contact during conversation.

Followyourart · 31/10/2015 12:29

You're sinking to new lows booboostwo / Pinot / Elle

ElleAndAitch · 31/10/2015 12:40

How misogynistic to claim my posting style/opinions must be those of a man. How sexist. How puerile.

Mehitabel6 · 31/10/2015 12:44

I can't see that it matters whether he comes around or not. It is his problem- not OP who just needs to say 'I am sorry you feel like that' and ignore.

ElleAndAitch · 31/10/2015 12:44

...and if you really need proof I am a woman I am over here discussing pregnancy weight gain.

I have reported you for troll-hunting.

Chippednailvarnish · 31/10/2015 12:47

Wow 24 hours on MN Elle and your not able to see why people think you're a misogynistic bloke...

goodnightdarthvader1 · 31/10/2015 12:48

Ignoring all the trolls and close-minded idiots on this thread because I don't have patience for their backwards viewpoints ...

OP: but he doesn't like other men to see! Which explains why he often stands up and tries to shield us with his body/block other people's view when we're in public!

That is ridiculous. Is he worried a man is going to add that image to the wank bank? Surely he must know that a man will add ANYTHING to the wank bank, real or imaginary, so the only way he can stop that is by putting you in a full coverage body bag. Twat.

anothernumberone · 31/10/2015 12:49

Booboostwo I defiantly do not live in a world where I want to see glamour shots of my friends Grin however all breastfeeding mums can lop out their boobs and ostentatiously breast feed around my dinner table any time. The very notion of ostentatious BF is just hilarious as is the fallacy that women just leave their boobs out in a room full of people and don't get cold

ElleAndAitch · 31/10/2015 12:51

I have been away from mn since the hackergate rubbish and am back as I near the end of my pregnancy, not that it has anything to do with you.

If you are going to stalk me on Advanced Search at least acknowledge the fact that I can clearly be found on the thread discussing pregnancy weight where I share my own experiences.

JasperDamerel · 31/10/2015 12:54

I wasn't talking to to the OP about modesty, gruntled. I was talking to the poster who had never had an an Autumn newborn and was worried about the cold. It's way easier feeding out and about if you don't have to remove a gazillion winter layers from both you and the baby, and I did my fair share of feeding outdoors on cold days.

GruntledOne · 31/10/2015 13:11

Fair enough, Jasper, apologies for misunderstanding.

RufusTheReindeer · 31/10/2015 13:13

When feeding ds1 in public my DH did try and shield me from others and was mortified when i sat on a bench to do it

He was very worried that someone would be mean to me so was being over protective. He soon relaxed when nobody said anything to me

Booboostwo · 31/10/2015 13:44

Follow you are grossly misunderstanding what I said, perhaps I was not very clear. I have two DCs, both bf, one to 3yo one ongoing at 14mo. I have fed in all sorts of places in public as I said above and fully support anyone else who wants to do so. My last post was lamenting the sad state of affairs where full nudity, glamour shots are considered acceptable but bf is not. I don't understand this guy's reasoning but I fear he had sexualised breasts so much he could not see them in anything other than a sexual context, so my bf embarrassed him while his wife's body was to be shown off to others in a sexual context.

Booboostwo · 31/10/2015 13:45

'Have' not 'are', sorry.

Gottagetmoving · 31/10/2015 13:53

Gotta, you said it was OK for a man to tell his partner he doesn't like public breastfeeding if that is how he feels - and yes, you said the partner is entitled to ignore him. But the point is that that sort of remark can only be made in the context that he is telling her he doesn't like it and she therefore shouldn't do it. I don't think that's OK. If someone tells a black person that he doesn't like seeing him out in public is it OK just because he's telling him that's how he feels

Now you are being ridiculous. We are talking about a couple in a relationship. We are talking about being honest about your feelings to someone close to you and your right to disagree and do what you believe is right.
It is not the same as racism. A black person has no alternative to having black skin FGS.
If my partner told me he didn't like breastfeeding in public, I wouldn't think he was telling me not to do it. I would however think he had a right to his own feelings and opinions.
Not everyone feels the same way and only by people being honest can we change things.

GruntledOne · 31/10/2015 14:42

Gotta, if you're partner told you that he didn't like you breastfeeding in public, would you seriously not interpret that as a statement that he doesn't want you to do it?

GruntledOne · 31/10/2015 14:43

Gawd. Your partner, not you're.

sophieuca · 31/10/2015 14:44

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

kali110 · 31/10/2015 16:19

I would point out your other post piper but it seems along with other posts of yours they've been deleted.
I'm surprised.
Gets really old accusing posters who don't agree with the minority of being trolls.
Again, i support bf, i don't agree with attacking other posters for not agreeing with the same views.
Especially some of the comments.

Wheretheresawill1 · 31/10/2015 16:19

These threads are always so so amusing. I personally think feed your baby how you want but just don't just do it to make a point and be mindful that not everyone is comfortable and that's ok because everyone has a view of their own. Breasts are fabulous things whichever way you choose to look at them ????

Wheretheresawill1 · 31/10/2015 16:20

Dunno where the ???? Came from

Runningupthathill82 · 31/10/2015 16:53

Wherethereasawill - have you ever breastfed a baby? And if so, how would you do it to " make a point"?

I have bfed one child for a year. From that albeit limited experience, I learned that children only feed when they're hungry and it would be nigh-on impossible to feed to "make a point." Because the baby judt wouldn't be interested. They're hungry, you feed 'em, then you stop when they're full. Right?

I have fed anywhere and everywhere. In the cinema during baby screenings, in coffee shops, halfway up a mountain in the Lakes, in the shoe section of Next, in parks, in parked cars...etc etc. I can't imagine how I would have gone about "making a point" in any of those scenarios.

I mean, what would that entail? Stripping off my top half completely, squirting milk into the air and yelling "CHECK OUT MY BOOBY JUICE!"?

ElleAndAitch · 31/10/2015 17:00

Anyone else switch off whenever someone lists the 'wacky' places they have defiantly and confidently breastfed? Who gives a crap?

Oh...and babies do not only ask for the breast when hungry.