to breastfeed in public even though DH is uncomfortable with it and thinks I should find somewhere private?

[Sequine]

DS is 7weeks. He often struggles to latch and slips off repeatedly during a feed, so I dislike feeding under a shawl and find it hard to be discreet, as I need to keep reattaching him. I wear wrap dresses so I can just pull dress and bra down at one side. I don't really care if anyone sees my breast and don't feel the need to hide away in a corner or find a baby changing room for privacy. I've BF in the middle of Costa, in restaurants, in clothes shops and in a furniture shop, also in GP waiting room and in the back of a taxi as DS was crying and hungry. However, DH thinks BF should be a private thing and thinks I should either feed under a shawl or take a bottle of expressed milk. He said not to be surprised if shop manager asks me to feed elsewhere. My BF support group all say they feed anywhere and are against shawls as they think it makes BF out to be something obscene.
What do others think? Would you be offended by someone BF a small baby without a shawl? Are there places where its inappropriate to BF?

Even if women actually were 'whipping their breasts out' (oh look - more hyperbole), how much boob would you actually see in the time that it takes baby to latch on? By the time you've hoiked your judgy pants up baby is already being fed. And you can't see any nipple if it's in a baby's mouth.

If seeing a small flash of naked flesh for a few seconds is enough to send you into a frenzy, perhaps it's your issue and not that of the hungry baby.

I didn't say it was ok for a man to tell his wife how she should use her body though, did I? I said it's ok for him to tell her he doesn't like it if that's how he feels. Saying how you feel is not the same as telling someone what they can or can't do.

Come off it, Gotta. When OP's partner told her he didn't like it, what else did he mean other than that he didn't want her to do it? If he had said something along the lines of "I don't like it but I recognise that is entirely my problem, please carry on" I doubt that this thread would even have happened.

Assuming Op's partner ever actually did say any of those things.

I think Op has enough material watching the frothing and nastiness from both views of the pitch on here....to present to her Dh or wherever.

Why would the OP make it up only1? How strongly suspicious - if she wanted a good laugh and advanced search on BF in public would have provided her with that

*strangely not strongly

therefore discretion is the key

No. Feeding the baby is key. A BFing mother is doing something for her baby. She's not doing it at the people around her. No-one else needs to be involved, unless they choose to gawp and disapprove and feel self-righteously affronted.

Unless the mother and baby are sitting in the onlooker's lap with the offending breasts shoved right in their face, it's difficult to understand why they wouldn't just turn their head and look at any one of the no doubt numerous other things to look at in the room. It's pretty simple. If you don't like it, don't look at it. You are in the minority, and your likes and dislikes are considered so spectacularly irrelevant that the mother and child's rights have been enshrined in a law - which does not include the words 'unless of course there's someone looking on and tutting.'

I've breastfed two children and I have a third on the way. All being well, he will be BF too. I've only ever had one person glaring and tutting and I took great delight in beaming back at her until she went away, clearly in a huff. She couldn't have seen a thing, given that I was BFing a newborn in a sling, so it was clearly the mere idea of BFing that was offending her, and I quite frankly couldn't give two shits whether someone that narrow-minded and self-involved is comfortable or uncomfortable.

When this next baby needs feeding he'll be fed. That will be my only concern. If someone else is offended by it then it is for them to look away or remove themselves from the situation, not for me to prioritise their quirks over the needs of my dependent child.

Wow this thread has really kicked off! Finally read to the end

Thanks for all responses and support. I feel a lot more confident about feeding my baby in public now. It's also good to know the people who object to public BF are in the minority. I will continue to BF wherever and whenever DS needs to be fed!

I had a chat with DH, who said he is very pro-BF and finds it beautiful, but he doesn't like other men to see! Which explains why he often stands up and tries to shield us with his body/block other people's view when we're in public! Having said that, my mum does the same although for different reasons... she thinks it's 'daring' to feed where people might see... when I fed DS in the back of a taxi she kept trying to hold her coat up like a shield, presumably in case the taxi-driver glanced in his mirror and caught a glimpse of my boob

To the posters saying do it discreetly, I would if I could but it's difficult. I've tried the 2-top method but the top layer slips down onto DS's face and makes him pull back. I've also tried nursing-tops with holes, but struggle to get my bra unclipped and my nipple through the hole when DS is screaming and thrashing (he's very impatient when hungry). So I tend to wear wrap-dresses or low-cut tops that I can just pull down at one side. Which means yes I do need to get whole boob out, as DS struggles to latch and I need to hold my boob with one hand, support his neck with other and sort of shove boob into his mouth until he latches properly. I usually continue to hold boob while he feeds as he slips off easily (mild tongue-tie midwife said didn't need treatment). So I don't see how I can avoid getting the whole boob out and there's a good chance people may see a flash of nipple during the struggle to get him latched. Oh and to the poster who assumed I had 'big floppy breasts' I actually have B-cup breasts (that expand to a DD when full of milk). And no I don't 'wave them around' . The reason I was in the 'middle of Costa' was not me trying to make a performance out of BF, but the only place there were free tables with space for pram.

I often feed in front of close friends and would be mortified if I thought they found it embarrassing or offensive. They don't seem to mind at all and are very supportive, getting me drinks if we're out, passing DS to me etc. They seem to find BF natural and normal.

Re expressing milk, I do this anyway so DH can do some of night feeds, but I prefer not to carry a bottle when out as would also have to carry breast-pump and find somewhere to express to prevent engorgement (had mastitis at start, don't want that again!) Also I prefer BF as it's correct temp for DS and less hassle than carrying bottles.

I'm curious as to why people who dislike seeing BF mums can't simply look the other way?

Woah this thread is amazing. BUZZWHAMS??!!

I'm pregnant for the first time and hoping to breastfeed so heartened that there's only a few disapproves on this thread- I do think that for someone to be THAT bothered about someone feeding their child they must have some deep rooted issues, and just be a bit sad really. Most people barely notice when someone is breastfeeding surely??!

Genuine question to all those who say women feeding in public is inappropriate, and they should be discreet.

I was recently in the south of France. Almost every woman on the beach was sunbathing topless. Regardless of age, size, whatever. Does that offend you too? If not, why not?

I felt similar to your DH with my first DS and would only feed him in feeding rooms etc, honestly it was all tied up in embarrassment because I have enormous boobs and it's really hard to be discreet! Plus a scarf doesn't work as I have to keep repositioning my giant knocker
With my second DS I genuinely don't care about feeding in public and have done it everywhere (restaurants, beach, park, government office...) and for me it has massively improved my feeding abilities and quality of life as we have the freedom to go anywhere and I'm not searching round for a suitable place to hide!

Come off it, Gotta. When OP's partner told her he didn't like it, what else did he mean other than that he didn't want her to do it

Of course he meant that! He can say that! I also said the woman is entitled to do it anyway and tell him to remove himself if he didn't like it!
I didn't say he was right. Please don't pick part of my posts and make it look like I meant something I didn't.

I suppose there is nothing more likely to get everyone looking at you than your husband and mother shielding you and draping things oner you.

pinot et al are blatently terrified of getting hard ons in Costa, bless em. Whoever said mysogyny is rife were right. Particularly in this country. It's very sad.

Follow ironically I have breast fed in the absence of "proper" feeding facilities in Dubai and it was fine. I was worried that I was going to encounter similar attitudes shown on this thread, but I didn't. In fact an expat told me that breastfeeding was considered very much a necessity and no problem...

Gotta, you said it was OK for a man to tell his partner he doesn't like public breastfeeding if that is how he feels - and yes, you said the partner is entitled to ignore him. But the point is that that sort of remark can only be made in the context that he is telling her he doesn't like it and she therefore shouldn't do it. I don't think that's OK. If someone tells a black person that he doesn't like seeing him out in public is it OK just because he's telling him that's how he feels?

...and the only racism displayed on here are the posts written to include black people as a straw argument to close down discussion.

Grow. Up.

How have you not been banned yet? You do need to have a look at yourself. Get a life, perhaps?

..because I don't live in the United Arab Emirates and therefore have a right to express my opinion?

...or is this more of a jealousy thing Elle/Pinot? Do you feel a bit left out? Aww must be so hard being a man, not being able to do all those amazing things that women can do?

Elle, have you not yet understood that it is utterly pointless and actively foolish to tell people not to do something that is specifically allowed by law?

No one was suggesting you live there. Someone was just outlining what a civilised society looks like.

Elle yes I do refuse to see that - people who say "I support breastfeeding but...." Absolutely do not support breastfeeding.

You sound very bitter for some reason as you are insulting women's appearances who you don't even know and have never seen. I don't believe you're a pregnant woman at all. I did lol at errant lactating norm though - breastmilk is not puerile . What is your issue with saying breast? Are you using childish and derogatory terms to make your argument appear more valid?

Hey OP, IF you don't want to get your whole breast out (not being judgy, just thinking of the cold!) then I love these maternity bras from John Lewis.

m.johnlewis.com/mt/www.johnlewis.com/john-lewis-maternity-bra-pack-of-2-black-white/p1253228?un_jtt_v_pdp=yes&un_jtt_v_from_product=un_product_3#page_loaded

The whole flap comes down and you have about an inch of material above your nipple. Not sure why, but I always felt more exposed with my upper boob on show than with occasional nip flashes!

Breast fed both of mine and have another on the way who I hope to BF as well, though never had an autumn baby before; I'm expecting to be chilly!

Both mine were autumn babies. The secret piece of kit is a couple of machine washable shawls for you. You can wrap yourself and the baby up together in the early days for skin to skin, use it an extra layer for both of you over a sling, use it as an emergency baby blanket and snuggle up under it when feeding.