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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to breastfeed in public even though DH is uncomfortable with it and thinks I should find somewhere private?

861 replies

Sequine · 29/10/2015 17:29

DS is 7weeks. He often struggles to latch and slips off repeatedly during a feed, so I dislike feeding under a shawl and find it hard to be discreet, as I need to keep reattaching him. I wear wrap dresses so I can just pull dress and bra down at one side. I don't really care if anyone sees my breast and don't feel the need to hide away in a corner or find a baby changing room for privacy. I've BF in the middle of Costa, in restaurants, in clothes shops and in a furniture shop, also in GP waiting room and in the back of a taxi as DS was crying and hungry. However, DH thinks BF should be a private thing and thinks I should either feed under a shawl or take a bottle of expressed milk. He said not to be surprised if shop manager asks me to feed elsewhere. My BF support group all say they feed anywhere and are against shawls as they think it makes BF out to be something obscene.
What do others think? Would you be offended by someone BF a small baby without a shawl? Are there places where its inappropriate to BF?

OP posts:
Thread gallery
6
anothernumberone · 30/10/2015 19:48

laughing the lips are one of the key sexual and erogenous zones of a person. They are also for eating. Nobody seems to have an issue with their dual function. Breasts are the same, they are for feeding babies they are for sex no biggie. The problems only come about for those who think breast fed babies need to be hidden from the world.

lieselvontwat · 30/10/2015 20:02

Pinot didn't insult people kali?! You can't possibly be serious. She called breastfeeding women who object to being told to cover 'damn pious', accused people of self righteous breastfeeding, implied women breastfeeding after one are weird and called people silly when they told her what the law was. Then topped it all off with a bit of light racism, which by definition is considerably worse than being merely insulting. She was actually quite impressively obnoxious.

laughingatweather · 30/10/2015 20:04

Another - I wasn't disagreeing with that at all. I was saying that breasts have a dual function as do lips. And that's fine but saying 'breasts are for feeding babies and not sexua' isn't true.

And as I said, I have no issue with BF at all. Anywhere. Whether 'discreet' or not. But it is silly when people say 'this is what breasts are for, there's nothing sexual about breasts' because they have a dual function and the other function relates to sexuality.

AllMyBestFriendsAreMetalheads · 30/10/2015 20:09

I didn't say there was nothing sexual about breasts, I said that their main purpose is to feed babies. They have a dual function, but they're there to produce milk. We probably wouldn't have them if we didn't need them for that.

anothernumberone · 30/10/2015 20:10

Ah I see, I agree laughing they have a dual function. I am always a bit Confused about the idea that they are not sexual but I am equally baffled about why given they are constantly on show why people have a problem with BF. A bit strange IMHO.

GurlwiththeCurl · 30/10/2015 20:12

Another from an older generation. I am almost 60 and bf both DSs, who are now in their mid-20s, for around a year each. They were fed in all kinds of places and I never had any complaints or bad comments, back then in the early 90s.

My DM had problems with bf me and my siblings, but MIL bf twins and also DH for nine months. DHs sisters and my DSis also bf their DCs.

I find it astonishing that bf outside the home is such a huge issue in 2015. My generation and slightly older were of the hippy era and I went topless on beaches and in parks in a range of countries, when I was young.

If I see a young woman bf her baby, I often smile and have helped to get drinks etc. I think it is about time that we all grew up in this country and stopped making such a fuss about what other people do, just as long as it is legal!

PiperChapstick · 30/10/2015 20:45

AllMy no one is saying breasts aren't sexual, the problem is when others can't separate sexuality of breasts from using breasts to feed a baby, they think it's the same thing and therefore should be hidden away and not done in public

PiperChapstick · 30/10/2015 20:46

And that inability to separate the two purposes of breasts is a result of over sexualisation in this society

EvansOvalPiesYumYum · 30/10/2015 21:00

Piper some people will have curries and it won't affect their baby at all, even if their diet is generally bland. Every baby is different. My DD was fine with spicy stuff but could poo for England if I ever had baked beans

Halloween Grin with DS, his nappies were an absolute abomination if I had courgettes (which I did eat a lot of, as we were growing them). Indescribable nappy contents . . .

Gottagetmoving · 30/10/2015 21:04

No gotta it's not ok for a man to tell his wife how she should use her body when she's doing nothing indecent. It would be like your OH telling you to only wear long skirts as he's embarrassed that you have your legs out. But on your principle that would be OK

I didn't say it was ok for a man to tell his wife how she should use her body though, did I? I said it's ok for him to tell her he doesn't like it if that's how he feels. Saying how you feel is not the same as telling someone what they can or can't do.
I even said it IS WRONG to tell a woman she should not bf in public. So, to answer your question,...NO, on my principle it is not ok for a man to tell his wife to cover her legs. Obvious from what I wrote in the first place.

AllMyBestFriendsAreMetalheads · 30/10/2015 21:05

I didn't think anyone had said that either Piper but a poster above seemed to be saying that someone had. It was soon after I had posted so I was just clarifying my comment.

I agree with you!

kali110 · 31/10/2015 00:25

Im not surprised the poster snapped after some of the comments directed at her.
She doesn't like it.
Some people are uncomfortable at things and there are no reason.
I may not feel the same as her however she certainly did not
Deserve the abuse directed at her simply because she refused to agree.
I will never bf and it's not because i am against it. Im against anyone touching my nipples. There's no reason for it.

There's also theories that we women have breasts ( from years ago) to attract a mate.

kali110 · 31/10/2015 00:46

elle completely agree with you regarding the abuse and bullying of a poster on here. Especially when they haven't insulted any other posters.
They don't agree.
I haven't insulted her simply because i don't agree with her however others seem to think it's acceptable.

As for the post calling a poster sick for finding breasts sexual, that was absolutely out of order.

PiperChapstick · 31/10/2015 00:59

kali who on earth said finding breasts sexual was sick?!

The only cry of "sick" on this thread was when someone was repulsed at the thought of a toddler feeding.

I'll say it yet again - pinot et al are entitled to find whatever they want uncomfortable. However the difference in what they did was say that society should bend to their preferences and cover up or feed privately, (despite being laws in place to protect BF mums), and that the rest of the nation would agree with them. Their posts were far more insulting than any name calling. Would you defend someone who said gay people shouldn't hold hands in public?

I've already said I personally find people eating disgusting. But do I go to a restaurant and expect people to cover their heads so I'm not offended? Or, like a grown up, do I accept that my disgust doesn't trump their right to eat, and accept that it's my issue that I have to deal with, not the rest of the world? Exact. Same. Thing.

Isn't it funny how last night it was 2 posters on their own objecting to public BFing, yet today a whole bunch of newbies join MN and make their first post by reprimanding all those who picked on the 2 posters? And the 2 posters are nowhere to be see .
Coincidence much Hmm

kali110 · 31/10/2015 01:33

I've been here years so don't pull that one.
Some of the things you've said have been awful, hardly going to help change anyones mind.

kali110 · 31/10/2015 01:35

It was you who called a poster sick.
Yes breasts are for feeding children.
They are also sexual like it or not.

DrCoconut · 31/10/2015 01:39

I am breastfeeding my 4 week old. I feed wherever we are at the time. Never had any problems. YANBU please don't be put off BF by this.

PiperChapstick · 31/10/2015 01:45

kali can you please point out the exact place I said finding breasts sexual is sick. Because I've looked through my posts and can't see it. And I wouldn't say it, because I don't believe it. And I agreed that breasts are also sexual. You're just making stuff up now

ive been here years so don't pull that one

Sorry mum. Who said I was talking about you?

PiperChapstick · 31/10/2015 01:47

Anyway you didn't answer my question about would you stick up for a poster who said gay people shouldn't hold hands in public? And I disagree I've been awful, I've just pulled people on their misogynistic and sexist attitudes

Scotinoz · 31/10/2015 01:48

I'm very pro breast feeding. I'm still feeding my second baby. I've fed them whenever/where ever they've needed to be fed.

I think you should still be discreet though, it's only polite. There's no need to whip a whole boob out in Costa, same as there's no need to be topless/rearrange your pants/etc in Costa.

PiperChapstick · 31/10/2015 01:58

Who are all these women who can wap/flop/lob their breasts? They should go on britains got talent. Unless a breastfeeding woman is coming up to you with her breasts and squirting milk in your coffee at Costa then she really is not being indiscreet. Breastfeeding a child means accessing a breast is required, if you're too squeamish to handle a millisecond flash of skin I suggest you stay indoors in the summer, never go swimming or read media in any format

kali110 · 31/10/2015 02:01

*29/10/2015 23:54 PiperChapstick

Because you associate breasts with sex flowers - even breastfeeding a child. Which makes you sick. Can you explain why it makes you feel sick? Do infants feeding make you feel sick?

How do you people actually go out in public when so easily offended?!*

You're insinuating people who have commented suddenly in support against the majority are new and that it is suspicious.

I'm well aware some people do not like gay people.
Although i do not understand nor agree, people are entitled to think what they like aslong as they say nothing.
Some people do not like my appearance nor dress.
I'm fine with that aslong as they say nothing.
Some people you can't change.
Some people may have thought exactly like pinot, may have even thought differently after reading this thread however if i was against bf, my views certainly wouldn't have changed after reading your responses.
You haven't pulled people up, you've simply bullied a poster for not agreeing with you.
Others have managed to put their views across, even i don't agree with her, however majority have managed to do so in a dignified way without resorting to name calling.

PiperChapstick · 31/10/2015 02:13

I'm gonna assume you're being purposefully obtuse - but if you're not I will explain it clearly. This post - Because you associate breasts with sex flowers - even breastfeeding a child. Which makes you sick - quite clearly is not calling someone sick for finding breasts sexual. It's calling them sick for finding breastfeeding a child sexual. Can you see the difference between what you're accusing me off and what I actually meant?

Although i do not understand nor agree, people are entitled to think what they like aslong as they say nothing.

Yet I agree - so why is it ok to dictate how and where a woman breastfeed? Which is what the people you're sticking up for did. Numerous times.

And although I used names (as did the non-BF in public supporters, so I don't know where you get the idea I'm the only "bully") it's not the only measurement of bullying. Saying that posters on here should be embarrassed, are disgusting, behaving ostentatiously, and implying that they are perverted, is a more covert form of bullying than name calling - but much more hurtful and offensive IMO.

Sparrowlegs248 · 31/10/2015 05:34

I find it astonishing that bf outside the home is such a huge issue in 2015.

^^^This. This whole thread is mind boggling

tobysmum77 · 31/10/2015 06:58

Piper yes I backed out really because I started to feel that I was providing food rather than actually discussing stuff.

Personally I don't see this as anything to do with breastfeeding but as something that is a part of the rights of women as a whole. I didnt breastfeed either of my children but it horrifies me that this type of thread potentially will make a new mum feel awkward about going out with her baby.