to breastfeed in public even though DH is uncomfortable with it and thinks I should find somewhere private?

[Sequine]

DS is 7weeks. He often struggles to latch and slips off repeatedly during a feed, so I dislike feeding under a shawl and find it hard to be discreet, as I need to keep reattaching him. I wear wrap dresses so I can just pull dress and bra down at one side. I don't really care if anyone sees my breast and don't feel the need to hide away in a corner or find a baby changing room for privacy. I've BF in the middle of Costa, in restaurants, in clothes shops and in a furniture shop, also in GP waiting room and in the back of a taxi as DS was crying and hungry. However, DH thinks BF should be a private thing and thinks I should either feed under a shawl or take a bottle of expressed milk. He said not to be surprised if shop manager asks me to feed elsewhere. My BF support group all say they feed anywhere and are against shawls as they think it makes BF out to be something obscene.
What do others think? Would you be offended by someone BF a small baby without a shawl? Are there places where its inappropriate to BF?

Oh fucking really

Africans are backwards? Wow sexism and racism in one thread, step up and collect your medal.

I'm going to bed now im tired of arguing with you. Youre not putting any points across or taking other people's points on board despite the excellent respknses former many others on this thread. The bottom line is you're wrong. The law says so. You may feel every woman in the uk should bend to your specific requirements, based on sensibilities that have (unbeknown to you it would seem) been drilled into you from societies obsession with sex and breasts being sexual objects. It's a shame that people are so narrow minded and uneducated, you are setting women back and body shaming, and are the reason many women have low confidence when it comes to their body and their baby.

And you did call names - you called someone weird for providing her child with what they want. I can't bear it when people take the "ooh you said nasty names and I didn't" as if they have won the argument despite putting no discernible viewpoint forwards - or in this case none at all

Pinot - if that's how you feel then that's how you feel. You sound anxious and repressed though - life would probably be less anxious (and possibly more fun) if you could just let loose a little. I'm sure you realise deep down that your thoughts and feelings on this are unreasonable, no matter how much you bluster here and try to be outrageous to shock people.

I have vegan friends who find the sight of meat deeply distasteful. But they don't tut and make a fuss when they go out and see someone eating a sausage roll in public, and insist that anyone eating meat should go and do it in a toilet cubicle or with their mouth behind a cover.

People are entitled to dislike seeing babies being breastfed. What they are not entitled to do is to insist that other people change their harmless (and indeed beneficial) behaviour to appease that person's quirk.

I find it weird/sad that people have to become rather vindictive when a certain view is expressed.

Pinot do you think because you haven't name called even though you did chat your posts haven't been vindictive and insulting? Because they absolutely have!

It's such a sore loser way to try and win an argument - rather than giving reasons for their opinions (of which you've given precisely none 400 posts in) they say "oh you're all so mean, poor little me I can't state my opinion" - nice try, but no

surely a mother who is breast feeding knows when her child is going to be hungry or not

Lololol pinot you know nowt about babies, clearly.

My 5 month old has no set pattern. Shall I just stay home all the time in case she needs feeding then? Yup ok.

Incidentally - do you know how hard it is to be "discreet" when you're by yourself? Wrangling a size F breast out of nursing bra with one hand while holding wriggling baby with the other is really hard. If someone wants to object to the split-second flash of boob they'll probably get then that's their problem, not mine.

I don't even know why I'm bothering to debate this with you tbh, I don't think you can be for real anyway. Nobody could be this obtuse in RL, surely.

Poor OP, she must be mortified by the display or arseholery by her husband's fellow travellers on this thread.

Realising you are married to someone who shares the views of misogynists and racists can't be fun.

surely a mother who is breast feeding knows when her child is going to be hungry or not

And since Pinot was also banging on about using a pump earlier - that also doesn't work the way you think it does.

When you're a breastfeeding mother, your body is producing milk continually. Baby feeds, milk taken out, all fine. Skip a feed - because, say, you're feeding pumped milk from a bottle instead - milk builds up. Can be messy (leaking milk over clothes). Can be painful (blocked ducts). Can even land you on antibiotics or in hospital (mastitis).

So saying 'just use a breastpump' is a bit clueless, unless you're ok with women doing that in public as well.

It really doesn't matter what you think. Women are allowed to feed their babies in public- women do feed their babies in public. If you don't like it, or are embarrassed by it, then it is up to you to remove yourself.

Its not about dont look. Its about doing things where others arent going to feel awkward.

Some people claim to feel awkward if they see someone disabled. Does that mean that the disabled should never go out?

I feel very awkward about breastfeeding mothers being forced to hide themselves away. Why does your feeling awkward trump mine, pinot?

Feeling 'awkward' is your problem and yours to deal with.
You don't stop perfectly normal, allowed by law, activities because you feel awkward!

Im not really into self righteous breast feeding. Its something that a mother does for her child. Its not something that anyone needs to shout about, therefore discretion is the key.

pinot, could you tell us how many breastfeeding mothers you have come across shouting about it?

Could you also tell us what is indiscreet about a baby's head in front of a mother's breast, and why that's worse than a woman wearing a tiny bikini?

And another question that you've repeatedly avoided - if you are the one feeling uncomfortable about seeing a child breastfeeding, what stops you turning your head away?

MN comes up with some real gems! Self righteous breast feeding is a new one on me!

I actually dont get what you say lies, its about a tiny aspect of society at any one time, its about no else really wanting to see it. Its about being discreet. Of course you can breast feed but to tell me that that takes priority is just silly.

Right pinot, I shall try and explain again. Two points here.

1. You seem to think that nobody else wants to see bf women, and that bf women should defer to other people's views on this. But you're wrong, because I'm a non-bf woman and not only do I not care if I see a lactating breast, I actually don't want bf women to cover up unless they want to. The thought of women feeling like they have to do this to conform to other people's ideas of discretion makes me as uncomfortable and upset as the idea of seeing a lactating breast makes you. And there are many like me, and we are society too. We've established that you (wrongly) think your views take priority over the wants of bf women, so let's hear why you think they're also more important than the views of non-bf women who feel differently to you.

1. Because the law allows a woman to breastfeed uncovered in public anywhere that both she and the baby are allowed to be (so on a train, but not sitting on a train track, in a restaurant but not in the staff only kitchen etc) that means breastfeeding women do take priority. They have the law on their side and you don't, which is why they get to breastfeed uncovered in public and you can't stop them. This isn't a matter of opinion but one of fact. By all means object to this, you're allowed to not like it. Seems silly to pretend it doesn't exist though.

Meanwhile, I'm off to figure out how to formula feed self righteously, as I don't want to be excuded. I might just get a t-shirt that says GET YOUR IDEOLOGY OFF OUR TITS. That would do nicely for both the forced discretion, bf a one year old is disgusting brigade AND the sort of person who thinks themself entitled to decide I should've given breastfeeding a go too, or that formula should be prescription only. You know, both types of feeding arsehole. Or I could sit there with my breast out somewhere very public (don't worry, they're pretty average size) and tape the bottle to the side.

The embarrassed folk here (pinot, flowers etc)

Take a look at how many posters are saying its fine.
Take a look at how few are agreeing with the embarrassed ones.

Just because something that is not sexual makes you uncomfortable, doesn't rmean people should be discreet.l, so as not tonoffend your sensibilities.

Many things make us individually uncomfortable.

For example, any of these things could make anyone feel uncomfortable;
Two people kissing briefly on the lips
Eating with your mouth open
Two women holding hands
Someone wearing a T-shirt that says "fuck off" on it
A preacher on the street, telling is about God

There is zero expectation for any one of those people to be discreet, do these things in private or be told to stop.

If that one offended person came on a forum and said "well, I think its embarrassing that two women are holding hands. They really should be more discreet. Because everyone is embarrassed"

You'd be flayed alive.

Apart from the fact you feel embarrassed, and you aren't sure how to cope with that. What good reason is there that a woman shouldn't breast freed, twoem hold hands, a preacher stand on the street corner??

Your "I don't went to see tits" when eating dinner reason. Sure, none wants a boob flopping about. But, youbwould iotnsee any more breast than you would ina low cut dress/top.

In doubt you str into online threads going "well, this lady was wearing a top, I could see part of her breast! Ibwas so embarrassed. Can't she be more discreet?"

But you would not see*

I saw a mum breastfeeding the other day in a shopping mall.

I went out last night.

I saw more boob in the pub.

That is acceptable but attach a baby to it and some people get all snowflakey and offended. Those people are people I can't have an ounce of respect for.

Those who are saying women should be more discreet I hope you say that to women who are wearing low cut tops, or those women who have huge breasts and have cleavage in pretty much everything they wear. Or maybe they should wear polo necks all the time so you can't see any breast.

Of course yanbu op dh is wrong.

I am in the extreme about all these people who apparently come over all unnecessary at the quick flash of a breast. They must have led very sheltered lives and never been to a beach.

As a bloke, I will say that I don't stop and stare at people breastfeeding, or a "slipped nipple" or whatever. The slightest hint of a boob does not automatically give me a raging hard-on.

Likewise and if it does that's my problem not hers. Bf where you feel the need except, please, while driving a car!

I don't get where pinot gets the perception that no-one else wants to see breastfeeding. What's the evidence for that? I rather like seeing a baby being breastfed, it's a delightful mother/child image and brings back memories of when my children were babies.

I don't get where pinot gets the perception that no-one else wants to see breastfeeding.

Probably from being brought up in an environment where BFing was considered a bit distasteful because tits are for sex.

I BF each of my DDs for three years. In that time, the only person who tried to make me feel uncomfortable was the DH of a friend. He worked in a garage where the walls were adorned with photos of young women with their boobs on display. He saw them as sex objects and therefore felt uncomfortable with the idea that mine were being actively used for a different purpose in his living room.

It's quite ironic that the people used to seeing them on display should be the most uncomfortable with seeing people using them to feed babies.

I've read this thread in full and have come to the conclusion that Liesel is far, far, far, far, far too invested in this discussion to not be a bf-ing mother. I don't care whether my hunch is right or wrong, but I do care that the women on here whose only crime it has been to suggest public bf-ing be discreet are being pilloried, bullied, abused and downright torn to shreds by other women.
It is completely disgusting to be so not in control of your emotions regarding this subject that you are prepared to scream 'racist', 'idiot', 'fuck off' and all manner of other profanities and insults. Shame on you (especially as, I presume, you claim to be feminists, what with your instance on choice and a woman's rights as being paramount.

It's all very well pointing to the majority and saying 'Look! Look! Everyone but you think bf-ing is nothing to be ashamed of, blah, blah...' but there are millions of women who actually would refrain from getting their breast out to feed in front of their own father; their grandparents; on the front row at church; on the front row at a wedding; in front of their male boss. They would feed, yes, but they would choose somewhere more discreet (and before you all start screaming about how you lobbed your tits out happily in front of your father and the vicar, yes...I know many, many do. But there are huge swathes of women who still recognise the fact that we now live in a society where breasts have been forever sexualised and there is no going back. It is not the same for African women in tribes. It isn't.

The poster who stuck her finger in her mate's baby's mouth after 'watching' her bf-ing is just creepy. I find the zealots who are heavily invested in promoting bf-ing (the advocates who go out like JWs trying to convert the undecided) are a complete pain in the arse in these debates. They are obsessed with closing down debate; obsessed with shutting down other women.

Finally...if you showed any generation of boy or man in today's Western society a photo of a pair of naked breasts his first response would NOT be: 'Ah, yes. Those perfectly unsexualised and unattractive feeding implements'. Breasts have become massively sexualised and those women who happily unleash their pendulous buzzwams on the top table at a wedding without attempting a bit of discretion are absolutely being ostentatious. There's a lot of it about.