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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to breastfeed in public even though DH is uncomfortable with it and thinks I should find somewhere private?

861 replies

Sequine · 29/10/2015 17:29

DS is 7weeks. He often struggles to latch and slips off repeatedly during a feed, so I dislike feeding under a shawl and find it hard to be discreet, as I need to keep reattaching him. I wear wrap dresses so I can just pull dress and bra down at one side. I don't really care if anyone sees my breast and don't feel the need to hide away in a corner or find a baby changing room for privacy. I've BF in the middle of Costa, in restaurants, in clothes shops and in a furniture shop, also in GP waiting room and in the back of a taxi as DS was crying and hungry. However, DH thinks BF should be a private thing and thinks I should either feed under a shawl or take a bottle of expressed milk. He said not to be surprised if shop manager asks me to feed elsewhere. My BF support group all say they feed anywhere and are against shawls as they think it makes BF out to be something obscene.
What do others think? Would you be offended by someone BF a small baby without a shawl? Are there places where its inappropriate to BF?

OP posts:
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6
5madthings · 30/10/2015 00:04

My children asked for feeding from birth, a two year old can ask in a different way to a newborn. Doesn't mean they are too old to bfeed. I pmsl at the notion that a mother bfeeding her toddler does it for herself, clearly words spoken by someone who has never bfed an older baby!

BreconBeBuggered · 30/10/2015 00:04

Breastfeeding a TWO YEAR OLD?! Oh god i'm going to be sick.

I was kind of enjoying the fake anti-BF outrage (nobody can be this stupid), but you've jumped the shark with that one.

PiperChapstick · 30/10/2015 00:05

flowers if you don't associate breasts with sex then what possible reason do you believe women should cover them up? Do you think they should cover other non-sexual body parts up, like their ankles or fingers? If not, then why their breasts? What makes breasts so "indiscreet"? The only thing I can think of is you see them as sexual. Because society has made them that way. If you were in an Amazonian tribe you wouldn't think that of your fellow tribeswomen would you! It's not a natural thought to have.

Your theories on extended feeding are beyond stupid. I have a 2.5 yo and can assure you that you can't force a child to feed. Just because she doesn't need it, does it mean she shouldn't have it? And why should it be "if she asks for it she's too old" - explain the logic there. If your child asks for something do you refuse it because speaking is an indication of not needing things? Speaking is a punishment! I don't understand!

PiperChapstick · 30/10/2015 00:06

yes flowers silly little angry lady brain, I'll try extra hard to calm it down Hmm

HairyLittleCarrot · 30/10/2015 00:06

Flowers
Nah. You need to try harder mate. You're a bit too obvious.

Could you mansplain more about how I'm setting women back please? My emotional lady brain has sensed it is in the presence of the Testicles of Objectivity.

I await.

Bambambini · 30/10/2015 00:06

"I think your husbands attitudes and my prudishness and other individuals here showing complete contempt for bf feeding stems down to what is the norm in our british culture. sadly breastfeeding at home In front of family and friends or in public places is not the norm. I know in south asia, and Africa for example it is. No one would bat an eyelid if a woman was in the village, or amongst her family members and whipped out her breast to feed her baby. usually tho in these countries women do use shawls, but then they tend to wear it as an accessory with their garments or for modesty on their heads. But the point is its the norm there. Over here ive never known it to be the norm, but there must have been a time when it was? I mean pre formula feeding?"

Katarzyna - isn't it strange how we can live in the same country but see things differently. For me it is the norm, I see women BF lots of places just getting on with it and people not giving them a look most of the time. I BF two babies lots of places in public. Restaurants, planes, parks - everywhere and don't recall it not feeling normal. I know not everyone feels the same (just found out recently that my sister was shocked at me feeding in front of my Fil whist we were having a meal out) but you see lots of public BF - and that's just the ones you notice, so many more go unnoticed.

pinotblush · 30/10/2015 00:06

Im not really into self righteous breast feeding. Its something that a mother does for her child. Its not something that anyone needs to shout about, therefore discretion is the key.

AnotherStitchInTime · 30/10/2015 00:06

Reasons to breastfeed a 2 year old

just a few. Nothing sinister or egotistical about it.

PiperChapstick · 30/10/2015 00:07

Pinot we don't want the monopoly, we just want to feed our children without ignorant uneducated prudes c,itching their pearls at us with their warped ideas about female bodies

pinotblush · 30/10/2015 00:08

Its probably fine to breast feed a year old but I personally would find it weird.

pinotblush · 30/10/2015 00:08

apologies... 2 year old

PiperChapstick · 30/10/2015 00:10

Lol at self righteous breastfeeding?

Maybe just maybe breastfeeding is simply about feeding a child. It is people like flowers and Pinot (which when you think about it, both items have a low lying smell of shit to them) who make it about a billion other random things

PiperChapstick · 30/10/2015 00:10

It's not probably fine, it's perfectly fine.

pinotblush · 30/10/2015 00:11

Ignorant uneducated prudes?

When have I called you a name Piper?

I have said I dont like it in various scenarios.

5madthings · 30/10/2015 00:11

Why would I go to the hassle of pumping when I can just feed direct? I did pump for ds1 as he had to go to nursery whilst I was at uni. I was lucky enough to be able to pump easily, sadly ds1 always refused milk unless direct from the breast.

There are many reasons why a woman may not be able to pump but ultimately she doesn't have to, the law protects her right to bfeed.

So it doesn't matter if you like it or find it appropriate, she has every right to do so. Witter on aboit it being 'private' all you like. No one gives a shit, your opinion is worthless. It's quite nice to see what a minority opinion it is on this thread, years ago it would have been more debated.... But society has moved on.

pinotblush · 30/10/2015 00:13

Has it moved on though? Or are you going backwards? I just keep seeing pictures of african women holding their children to their breasts.

pinotblush · 30/10/2015 00:14

Why cant people go with the middle ground?

Yes, its acceptable now but not in situations that you know shouldnt be.

What on earth are you fighting for.

Bambambini · 30/10/2015 00:16

I Bf my child till over 2. One never showed signs of wanting to stop, another decided they preferred a bottle rather than the breast round about 6 months.

Again you saying something is weird doesn't make it so. I imagine you find lots of things weird or offensive. Shame, you feel so uncomfortable about life, can't be easy. Are you an anxious person in general?

Debinaround · 30/10/2015 00:16

My baby is teething and was chewing my finger today. Would you mind seeing that in public? Or is of just nipples you don't like to see in a baby's mouth? Not that I'm expecting an answer.

DoodleCat · 30/10/2015 00:17

Oh pinot, once again you've made me see the light. Yesterday I selfishly took my 3 year old to the play ground but I knew my baby would need feeding whilst we were there, but I still went. I knew that it would be feeding time but still I let my older child exercise and enjoy himself in the knowledge that I would have to breastfeed in public. I understand now that this was my choice and I might have offended people. Oops...

By the way, the inconsiderate baby won't take a bottle/sippy cup/milk in any vessel despite months of trying. But now I realise I should keep all of us at home so we don't upset anyone. Gosh I feel so bad at not doing this before.

Smile
FattyNinjaOwlBecameAZombie · 30/10/2015 00:18

I really hope all these posters who don't like seeing tits don't have any mirrors.
And I say this as a mother who chose to ff all three of my children from birth. Personally I wouldn't feel comfortable having a boob out in public because of the assumption that it's sexual (as shown on this thread) but I have zero problem with others breastfeeding. Why would i? It's just another mum feeding her baby.

pinotblush · 30/10/2015 00:18

we all find different things weird Bamb, I do find breastfeeding after a year wierd to me. I have no idea why you are calling me anxious though.

pinotblush · 30/10/2015 00:23

I dont do tits out in inappropriate places but hey, thats just me.

I dont go with kids being suckled after the age of one, thats just me.

I didnt however call anyone derogatory names.

I said my view.

Your view is up to you.

To resort to personal name calling is low. It saddens me to have to get to firefighting my views.

Bambambini · 30/10/2015 00:25

"Has it moved on though? Or are you going backwards? I just keep seeing pictures of african women holding their children to their breasts."

Why is that seen as going backwards? I think it's superior to our attitude on breasts and feeding our children. I was in the Caribbean recently and a young local mum was walking round a store with her baby in a front sling feeding from her breast. Completely open and natural, no one looked offended. Strange that I can look at that and see it as being beautiful, natural and the way it should be everywhere and you just see something awkward and offensive and backwards.

AnotherStitchInTime · 30/10/2015 00:26

Yes because of course African women breastfeeding are backwards pinot.

Racism to top it all off, nice.