to breastfeed in public even though DH is uncomfortable with it and thinks I should find somewhere private?

[Sequine]

DS is 7weeks. He often struggles to latch and slips off repeatedly during a feed, so I dislike feeding under a shawl and find it hard to be discreet, as I need to keep reattaching him. I wear wrap dresses so I can just pull dress and bra down at one side. I don't really care if anyone sees my breast and don't feel the need to hide away in a corner or find a baby changing room for privacy. I've BF in the middle of Costa, in restaurants, in clothes shops and in a furniture shop, also in GP waiting room and in the back of a taxi as DS was crying and hungry. However, DH thinks BF should be a private thing and thinks I should either feed under a shawl or take a bottle of expressed milk. He said not to be surprised if shop manager asks me to feed elsewhere. My BF support group all say they feed anywhere and are against shawls as they think it makes BF out to be something obscene.
What do others think? Would you be offended by someone BF a small baby without a shawl? Are there places where its inappropriate to BF?

...oh, and I am due to start bf-ing in a couple of months when my second baby is born. I will absolutely feed in public but I will not be lobbing my nipples around unthinkingly; I will be discreet, because not everyone feels comfortable seeing chocolate saucer-sized nipples when they are least expecting it and they only watch Game of Thrones last night. They're not weird, they just weren't expecting it when they booked their meal for that evening or attended my work tele-conference.

A list of stuff that was unacceptable to be seen in public 100 years ago but is socially normal now:
Same sex couples holding hands or kissing.
Women's exposed ankles.
Mixed race relationships.

A list of stuff that was already socially acceptable 100 years ago.
Breastfeeding publicly completely without 'discretion'.

I cannot fathom how some people pick and choose their flavours of bigotry. The world has moved on folks. We don't expect people to feel ashamed of things that aren't shameful. Society doesn't require people doing inoffensive stuff to be discreet to protect bigots from offence.
Live your own life and stop hoping others will adapt theirs to suit your weird prejudices. They won't.

Finally...if you showed any generation of boy or man in today's Western society a photo of a pair of naked breasts his first response would NOT be: 'Ah, yes. Those perfectly unsexualised and unattractive feeding implements'. Breasts have become massively sexualised and those women who happily unleash their pendulous buzzwams on the top table at a wedding without attempting a bit of discretion are absolutely being ostentatious. There's a lot of it about

and with attitudes like yours towards sexualization of breasts and "those women" it's bound to continue.

As for breast feeding being ostentatious, here have a , in fact have two.

Who, though, 'lobs their nipples around unthinkingly', Elle? That's the kind of 'witty' hyperbole that puts unconfident young women off the whole idea, and it's complete nonsense.

I can't believe the attitude of some of the posters on this thread. I am new to the whole Breastfeeding debate. I didn't even realise it was a thing until i became pregnant and started paying more attention. i did see a woman bf a very young baby in the m & s cafe when i was heavily pregnant, she had what can only be described as a poncho over her head, shoulders, baby and lap. Only her head and legs from the knee down were visible. I thought that it can't be easy feeding like that and what a palaver. (Im not 'judging' her, i don't care what she does but was thinking of how i would manage in future)

DS is 14wks now and I have not seen another bf mother in the area that i live, except at bf cafe. It is a smallish town but even at the cafe after several baby groups in the community rooms as tescos, it was just me. This has only just occurred to me. Maybe its unusual in my area? As I was feeding in the cafe an elderly couple kept looking at me. As I left they told me how lovely it was to see. It made me happy. :-)

I feed my son when he wants feeding, wherever we happen to be. Not doing so would result in tears and screaming which imo is far more of a nuisance to other people. As a result i have fed in cafes, restaurants, Drs and hospital waiting rooms, on a bench going for a walk, and with him in a sling while walking round sainsbury. I don't really attempt to be discreet but do have small boobs. I tried with a muslin cover a few times but DS doesn't like being covered. I don't care if someone sees my nipple for a nanosecond. And I really don't care if they are offended by it.

In answer to the OP - your husband is being a dick. Yanbu!

I would like to know though, what people think about bf at a non church wedding? My strict catholic upbringing is giving me a quandary...... wedding in December at a hotel. If DS wants feeding mid ceremony (which he might, despite having been fed pre ceremony) do i leave or just crack on with it? I think just get on with it but not sure that I could in a church?

Elle the irony in your posts is astounding. especially when you suggest people who want women to have control over their own body and utilise their rights by law to BF aren't feminists, merely because they fight their corner. The definition of feminism isn't women being nice to other women.

There have been some downright ignorant and offensive posts into hai thread, yours included. To suggest it's fine for men to be uncomfortable by a woman feeding her child the way nature intended, because they like breasts as sex objects is quite frankly ridiculous. I suggest you come back in a few months after you have BF and tell us your opinion then. And there is not "no goin back" - people who half a brain can distinguish breasts for feeding from breasts for sex.

I will start my own thread about that one i think.

I'm loving the number of posters on this thread appear to have only joined MN today. Welcome!

we now live in a society where breasts have been forever sexualised and there is no going back

Breast being sexualised isn't progress and changing that isn't 'going back'.

Cultures where BFing openly is seen as unworthy of a second thought or glance are way ahead of us in this respect, not behind.

Our society needs to mature and get over the view that the primary purpose of breast is sexual. BFing in public and refusing to be embarrassed or submit to the embarrassment of others will help society move forward towards accepting it as a normal, socially appropriate non-event.

I've BF in church, no one batted an eyelid.
Least of all the vicar, but probably because he's an educated man who has 4 DC's...

After all I doubt if Jesus was FF.

Notta just feed, although maybe give bride & groom heads up beforehand that boobs may be out and they faint at the altar

Nottalotta
Please feel comfortable to feed your baby anywhere and anyhow you need. It is NEVER INAPPROPRIATE.
(Caps not really for your benefit)

Nottalotta, my rule of thumb was always if it's appropriate to give a bottle/snack it's appropriate to breastfeed.

So actually in a church wedding I wouldn't because my catholic upbringing drummed into me that eating in church is a no no. That doesn't mean others shouldn't feed in a church - just that i wouldn't be comfortable with it.

Non church wedding I would have no problem.

Breasts are sexualised more than they should be, I'll definitely say that. I remember when my wife was pregnant and, at the GPs, there was a poster up for men to be happy their wife was breastfeeding and would get "larger, fuller breasts" (which really did not sit well with me).

In my case, and in the case of most men I would imagine, if we were to see a woman breastfeeding we would probably notice it, but that's all we'd do. Mother is breastfeeding - good for her, good for baby, and none of our business.

Obviously, you'd imagine mothers would use some discretion if there is the ability. Not a huge amount mind, and not a huge amount is needed. I haven't seen a breastfeeding mother wave her boobs around for all and sundry.

" do i leave or just crack on with it? I think just get on with it but not sure that I could in a church?"

Are you kidding?

Have you not seen how much religious imagery there is of the Virgin Mary breastfeeding Jesus? Imagery which was specially created for public display in religious settings?

That's because breastfeeding USED to be seen as an act of piety and generosity - 'the milk of human kindness' and all that, and was revered and protected. Hence regular portrayal of nursing mothers in art.
Now it seems a lot of people see it as akin to masturbation or having a crap: something embarrassing and best done in private.

mini No i'm not kidding. I know what you are saying but sadly my upbringing (along with Lauries by the sound of it) makes me feel uncomfortable at the thought of bf in a church.

the case of most men I would imagine, if we were to see a woman breastfeeding we would probably notice it, but that's all we'd do
Heard of someone breastfeeding in a pub, Sunday lunchtime. Three 'lads' nearby, one made a sexual remark and another rounded on him, telling him firmly that the breasts were for feeding the baby. Can't remember the exact quote, but that was the idea.

Nottalotta
Does this help?

www.theguardian.com/world/2014/jan/12/pope-mothers-breastfeeding-children-sistine-chapel

If you feel you want the ultimate authorisation the Pope urges women to feed in church.

Why is it that people who want breastfeeding mothers to hide themselves away always use such unpleasant, aggressive language? Take, for instance, Elle's reference to lobbing tits out and unleashing "pendulous buzzwams". Any moment now we're going to have someone coming along and talking about flopping our baps out. Do they genuinely think of breasts in those terms - in which case I can sort of understand why they have a hang-up about it - or do they use them very deliberately in order to make the whole process sound as disgusting as possible? Perhaps Elle could explain why she didn't just choose to refer to breasts rather than tits or pendulous buzzwams?

I will absolutely feed in public but I will not be lobbing my nipples around unthinkingly

What would lobbing one's nipples around actually look like, in practice? I'm serious. What is it you are picturing people doing?

Because for all the hyperbole about lobbing nipples around and wrapping boobs out and unleashing "pendulous buzzwams" (??), we all realise, really, that nobody's waving anything anywhere while feeding. You have to get the baby to latch, after all. And you have to get the nipple into the baby's mouth. One woman breastfeeding looks pretty much like another woman breastfeeding. You might see a bit more breast with woman #1 than woman #2, but nobody is actually waving anything at you.

If you want other women to breastfeed discreetly, you'll have to define what 'discreet' means. Is there a certain level of exposed skin that's acceptable? (Are you going to measure it with a ruler?) Is a woman with bigger breasts being less discreet than a woman with smaller ones? Is a newborn being fed more discreet than a toddler (more socially acceptable), or less (smaller baby covering less of the mother's breast)? Do we need to sit facing the wall? Do we only need to sit facing the wall in gatherings of 20 or more? In particular surroundings? At restaurants with tablecloths? At restaurants with nice tablecloths?

A lot of people go on about acceptable breastfeeding being 'discreet', but nobody ever explains what they mean by that, other than bizarre statements about the perceived attitudes of other women.

I don't want bf-ing women to not be able to feed in public. No-one, in fact, has suggested that, so please stop boring us with the accusation. What some loads of the population would like to see is bf-ing women having discretion. There are absolutely women out there who lob their breasts out ostentatiously. They tandem feed their three year-old twins in restaurants. Fuck off with that, please, I'm paying thirty-two quid for a steak and some peace and quiet. Why are you taking your new born to Claridges for afternoon tea when some poor septuagenarians have saved up all year for a scone and a pot of tea have to be assailed by your whining baby?

If breasts are not primarily sexual things in the minds of the public why do some of you squirm at the thought of getting yours out on the beach abroad? Get your tots out; don't get your tots out. Let's just stop pretending that the public consciousness can be switched easily and comfortably when it suits a breastfeeding woman who decides no discretion - under any circumstance, ever - is appropriate.

Clearly I mean tits and not tots. Discreet tots is an oxymoron

Breasts aren't sexual things, but our society has sexualised them - that's the point!

"Why are you taking your new born to Claridges for afternoon tea when some poor septuagenarians have saved up all year for a scone and a pot of tea have to be assailed by your whining baby?"
Nice. Well, I've saved up all year too! Why should I have to be assailed by moaning old dears??