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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to breastfeed in public even though DH is uncomfortable with it and thinks I should find somewhere private?

861 replies

Sequine · 29/10/2015 17:29

DS is 7weeks. He often struggles to latch and slips off repeatedly during a feed, so I dislike feeding under a shawl and find it hard to be discreet, as I need to keep reattaching him. I wear wrap dresses so I can just pull dress and bra down at one side. I don't really care if anyone sees my breast and don't feel the need to hide away in a corner or find a baby changing room for privacy. I've BF in the middle of Costa, in restaurants, in clothes shops and in a furniture shop, also in GP waiting room and in the back of a taxi as DS was crying and hungry. However, DH thinks BF should be a private thing and thinks I should either feed under a shawl or take a bottle of expressed milk. He said not to be surprised if shop manager asks me to feed elsewhere. My BF support group all say they feed anywhere and are against shawls as they think it makes BF out to be something obscene.
What do others think? Would you be offended by someone BF a small baby without a shawl? Are there places where its inappropriate to BF?

OP posts:
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6
Katarzyna79 · 29/10/2015 23:45

its ultimately your choice how you feed you baby, discreetly or not, in public or private.

I'm a bit of a prude ive never worn a low cleavage top and ive never been comfortable exposing my breasts for the midwife to assist me with breastfeeding. so I don't think I could do it even under a shawl in public. But that's me.

I wouldn't want to see a woman with her breast exposed but if its for breastfeeding I could turn a blind eye it wouldn't kill me and she's not doing it as a sexual move its for her baby!. Afterall no one is asking me to watch after the first glance.

I think your husbands attitudes and my prudishness and other individuals here showing complete contempt for bf feeding stems down to what is the norm in our british culture. sadly breastfeeding at home In front of family and friends or in public places is not the norm. I know in south asia, and Africa for example it is. No one would bat an eyelid if a woman was in the village, or amongst her family members and whipped out her breast to feed her baby. usually tho in these countries women do use shawls, but then they tend to wear it as an accessory with their garments or for modesty on their heads. But the point is its the norm there. Over here ive never known it to be the norm, but there must have been a time when it was? I mean pre formula feeding?

I can remember my mother breastfeeding my little brother, when I finally clocked on to what she was doing I quickly exited the room, I was maybe 9-10 yrs old lol

btw I do mind when boobs are splashed all over the tabloids have always thought it crazy when we live in a country where women have rights, we respect women yet we encourage and sell this garbage. anyway I thought its been bought to an end now?

BondJayneBond · 29/10/2015 23:45

To feed a 22 month old in public is frankly weird.

Oh, you'd have hated me today then. I breastfed 25 month old DS2 in the GPs waiting room today. I did try to fob him off with bead mazes and magazines, but when he persisted in shrieking "milky! Milky!" at the top of his lungs while trying to tear my top off, I decided it would probably disturb the other patients less if I just breastfed him. No-one seemed to mind. I didn't spot any dirty looks or anyone pointedly not looking in our direction.

And frankly I don't really care if you think I'm weird.

imwithspud · 29/10/2015 23:45

22months is closer to 2 years old actually, not that that's in any way relevant Confused

AnotherStitchInTime · 29/10/2015 23:46

No I didn't need to pinot, but my ds wanted to feed and I wanted to feed him. It is that simple. Sparing your blushes wouldn't even enter my head. My prime concern is the well-being of my child. Why should I feed him milk from another animal or decant my milk into a container just to make you more comfortable? Far easier, less chance of infection, faster, more immune properties to just feed from the breast I have for that very purpose.

pinotblush · 29/10/2015 23:48

Its about being discreet.
Its about women as much as men not really wanting to see it.
Its about choosing a place to do it.
Its about non entitlement.

lieselvontwat · 29/10/2015 23:48

You only think it should be done with respect to others who agree with you pinot. I actively don't want women to feed discreetly unless its what they want as well. Women respecting your views are disrespecting mine. If its ok for you to expect breastfeeding women to do what you want them to do, its ok for me to do that too.

PiperChapstick · 29/10/2015 23:49

Surely a mother who is breastfeeding knows when her child is going to be hungry or not

Hahahahaha

You really know nothing do you pinot. Do you even have children? Are you even a woman?

lieselvontwat · 29/10/2015 23:49

No pinot, its about absolute entitlement as conferred by law. And about people who don't like that not being entitled to have their views take precedence.

BondJayneBond · 29/10/2015 23:50

There can be a million scenarios Bond, but surely a mother who is breast feeding knows when her child is going to be hungry or not.

Oh, if only babies were that predictable..... Sadly, no, you can't always tell in advance when your baby will be hungry next. I couldn't anyway, as intervals between feeds in the daytime for breastfed DS2 varied from 4 hours to 30 minutes.

FlowersAndShit · 29/10/2015 23:52

This reply has been deleted

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PiperChapstick · 29/10/2015 23:52

It's not about any of those things pinot. Not one of the,. It's about one thing - a child having food. It's really that simple and inoffensive

I do wish you would at least elaborate on your points rather than just making short statements and wondering why everyone is getting at you for it. I'll ask again as you haven't answered - do you get offended at any top that isn't a polo neck, swimming costumes, bikinis and celebrities showing cleavage! If not you're a huge hypocrite

HairyLittleCarrot · 29/10/2015 23:53

How to say this....
Oh yeah
To Pinot, Diddly and that shit poster

Your opinions on this don't matter. Seriously. You are just irrelevant. You are wrong. You might as well gurn away about how awful it is that women have the vote, or how homosexuality is wrong, or that you should rule the world. No amount of wishing that the world bend to your nutty beliefs will make it so.
We don't need to convince you because your beliefs are redundant. Society has moved on without you.
Sorry.

PiperChapstick · 29/10/2015 23:54

Because you associate breasts with sex flowers - even breastfeeding a child. Which makes you sick. Can you explain why it makes you feel sick? Do infants feeding make you feel sick?

How do you people actually go out in public when so easily offended?!

pinotblush · 29/10/2015 23:54

I actually dont get what you say lies, its about a tiny aspect of society at any one time, its about no else really wanting to see it. Its about being discreet. Of course you can breast feed but to tell me that that takes priority is just silly.

Piper?

FlowersAndShit · 29/10/2015 23:55

Hairy You are the nutty one, love. Stop being so hysterical, it's setting women back.

PiperChapstick · 29/10/2015 23:56

Yes Pinot?

Breastfeeding doesn't take priority btw - it is however equal. If you are somewhere with a right to eat, a child has that equal right. You are most certainly not priority?

Bambambini · 29/10/2015 23:57

Pinot - you realise that you saying that it should be private doesn't actually make that a fact - just that you feel it is. In fact, the laws of the land disagree with you and make sure it's understood that it is acceptable out in public to the extents that women are protected from being harassed when BF. So no, it's not to be done just in private - the law of the land disagrees with you.

You understand that some people feel that women shouldn't be out eating in public around them, that black people shouldn't be allowed to eat out in public, gay folk, Jews, folk with disfigurements, disabilities - as they feel uncomfortable and offended by some of these things. Your arguement is just the same. If you think your view is right - then you have to accept all these other forms of discrimination are possibly right.

Debinaround · 29/10/2015 23:58

No point debating with some people on here. They can't even explain what they don't like about breastfeeding in public. Think they must be bored or something. I wouldn't bother entertaining them.

BondJayneBond · 29/10/2015 23:58

That's really offensive, flowers.

And FYI, there's a lot more breastfed 2 year olds out there than you might think. They're just not as obvious as the breastfed 8 week olds.

PiperChapstick · 29/10/2015 23:58

Lol at Flowers addressing someone as 'love' and saying they're setting women back! flowers you have said some of the most misogynistic things I've ever read on this thread. Love

FlowersAndShit · 29/10/2015 23:59

Piper, where have I said I associate breasts with sex? A two year old toddler does not need to be breastfed. It's always about the mother and this 'attachment parenting' nonsense. If your child asks for it, its too old for it. I can't imagine why any woman would want to breastfeed her two year old, other than for sinister and egotistical reasons.

PiperChapstick · 30/10/2015 00:00

flowers and pinot some people think disabled people shouldn't eat in public? I take it you'd agree with them, as you believe someone who's offended by certain people eating has more rights than the actual person eating?

5madthings · 30/10/2015 00:01

It would appear some people are just trying to be goady arseholes.

Op your dh is wrong. Maybe give him a little light reading on the subject so he can learn, he is just influenced by the society he was raised in as we're some on this thread. I am assuming your husband will be happy to be enlightened and get over himself, if not you have a bigger problem.

pinotblush · 30/10/2015 00:02

Here we go. when was i talking about your last paragraph?

I was saying that I dont actually want to see it in certain circumstances.

I think breastfeeding should be discreet.

You have a child, you choose to breastfeed, you pump sometimes knowing the situation you are in.

You do not have the monopoly.

FlowersAndShit · 30/10/2015 00:02

Piper Now you're being irrational again.