Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not let my 13 year old DS own Grand Theft Auto

123 replies

Flyonthewindscreen · 29/10/2015 13:35

Sorry - I know this has been done before.

Consider myself a pretty laid back parent re gaming. DS has an xbox one and only games now that he knows he is not allowed are various 18 games I (and DH) consider beyond the pale. GTA is one of them. I found out last night that DS had downloaded GTA onto his Xbox and been playing it for weeks. I hadn't checked what he had been up to online very recently because he had previously been pretty trustworthy.

Game now deleted and trust lost. But DS claims that literally every other boy he knows of his age and younger has the game and having looked at who he has played with online I am inclined to believe him. This includes kids from all kinds of schools with parents in all kinds of occupations so no stereotype of the sort of parent who clearly aren't bothered about their DC being on violent, sexually explicit games.

Am I being precious or is it every other parent round here that IBU?

OP posts:
hampsterdam · 30/10/2015 10:42

No there may not be hundreds of people driving like loons and killing people but that's not to say these games have no effect.
You wouldn't let your 8, 9, or 13 year old smoke get drunk or watch porn so why would you let them play 18 games.
It's about boundaries, kids need boundaries to push against, if you give gta at 11 what will they be pushing for at 14 or 16? They have their whole adult life's to play these games. Just say no.
I know one boy who has been playing cod since 6 and his behaviour at 8 leaves a lot to be desired, probably as much to do with the fact his parents are stupid enough to let him play inappropriate games as any direct result of the game itself.

ValancyJane · 30/10/2015 10:46

YADNBU, my DP has it and I've been in the room while he's played it, and there is lots of violence, a mission that involves a prostitute (I seem to remember) and it generally is an 'adult' themed game. Obviously it depends on the child, I personally wouldn't imagine letting a child play it before around age 14/15 (depending on maturity obviously) and would use the same logic I would apply to letting a child watch a film that has an older rating, it completely depends on the individual child and maturity level.

Incidentally, my lovely DP (who does not race around running people over or beat people up to my knowledge!) bought one of the GTA games when he was 17 and about 10 months, his Mum read something about it in the Daily Mail and took it off him until he was 18! Common sense should definitely have played a role there...

I wish there were more parents like you, I teach secondary school and some of the TV shows and console games my students have knowledge of in Year 7 is REALLY concerning.

hampsterdam · 30/10/2015 10:49

It's not perfect child or violent gang member, there's effects that can happen in between those two extremes.
So your child might be desensitised to violence, negative views of some women, lack of concentration and stunted social skills but so long as they're not in a gang or actually running people over in stolen cars that's ok?

notquitehuman · 30/10/2015 10:50

There is a mission where you go to a strip club, get a very graphic lapdance, and have to convince the stripper to sleep with you! It's pretty funny really, but we wouldn't want boys to get the impression that strippers will have sex with them. Grin

LookARandomName · 30/10/2015 10:57

I'll say it again - games are no longer just for kids (in fact, they seem to be moving away from kids, which is a bit of a shame as I love platformers). There is basically no difference between games and movies (apart from that you interact with games) - if you buy an 18-rated game, you should expect that there may be swearing, blood and gore, and some nudity, all pretty realistically rendered given modern computing power - the same as with an 18-rated movie.

If you think that's fine, then good for you. However, be sure. Look at the age rating. Look at the box. Think "if this was a movie, would I let my child watch it?". Yes, I played those games when I was a kid and turned out alright. That's not to say that's the same for everyone, and there's the possibility games could desensitise us (in most games, when a person "dies", they just fall over in a pool of red). Don't forget, when Superman first came to our screens, children injured themselves believing they too could fly.

And don't forget, chances are your consoles will have parental controls hidden away. If you want to enable them, ensure you've got the latest updates, look in the manual or check Google.

Original poster
Flyonthewindscreen · 30/10/2015 10:59

Thanks for all the replies. I've just quizzed DS about how he could have downloaded it for free (his purchases on Xbox come out of my account so I would have seen it) and he said his best mate had some kind of free download offer. I don't understand but hope I am not about to get an irate phone call from friend's parents saying money has gone out of their account! DS will be selling various of his other games on Ebay to pay them back if this is the case.

OP posts:
hampsterdam · 30/10/2015 11:04

Regardless your feeling about the content of the game the fact he has got hold of it knowing he shouldn't have and you wouldn't approve is the problem. No x box for as long as he's been secretly playing it would be the punishment from me.

PiperIsTerrysChoclateOrange · 30/10/2015 11:06

There is also mission in which water boarding is used.

jellybeans · 30/10/2015 11:22

Piper, I remember the hysteria over the 'torture' level and I completed it myself and found it very tame. I think the media/people are blowing it out of proportion.

Boo00100001 · 30/10/2015 11:36

jelly maybe you found it tame, because you've become desensitised to violence? Which is what these games do.

Except it's perhaps 8 year olds who are desensitised to violence and sexual aggression, and think it 'normal' to think of girls as sexual objects etc. And they think people fighting for this are boring and old fashioned and need to get a grip and realise it's 'just a game' and has no effect...

notquitehuman · 30/10/2015 11:57

I found the torture bit really gross. I let my DH do that mission as I didn't want to see someone getting their teeth pulled out! Maybe I'm just sensitive.

stoppingbywoods · 30/10/2015 12:58

Tame torture. Now there's an oxymoron.

jellybeans · 30/10/2015 13:36

Not sure where my reply went. Sorry if there is two.

No I am not sensitised. It was very unrealistic and ungraphic. I don't watch 18 films as don't like gore and graphic violence.

I wouldn't let a kid younger than high school age play it. Although my little one has had a race of the cars with me sat next to.

beefthief · 30/10/2015 14:10

To clarify one misconception: Grand a Theft Auto doesn't require you to kill prostitutes, it doesn't tell you to kill them, and it only rewards you for killing them in the way it does anyone else - you can choose to steal from their body, or not. If a policeman spots you doing any of this, then they will chase you and arrest you. I suspect that the big part of killing prostitutes being a "thing" in GTA is because people who haven't played it constantly parrot the idea.

This is a realistic message to send out, isn't it? Actions having consequences is much better than traditional cartoon violence, where we laugh off the most horrific violence because there are no visible consequences.

myotherusernameisbetter · 30/10/2015 14:24

I was always very strict on games and movies etc but I have relaxed a lot over the last year. DSs are 15 and 14. They have GTA but don't play it much - it was a bit of a flash in the pan tbh.

However, I would add that the reason I relaxed is because they have consistently shown themselves to be decent honest people with a good attitude and that hasn't changed through being exposed to things above their age. You know your child best and make your own rules based on that though.

DS2 did get a 16 games when he was about 11 as the guy in the store said that the rating was really because it had weapons in and that it was pretty tame. DS2 starting being a bit cheeky and disrespectful about the same time (not sure if the two were connected) so he lost the game for a year. Never had any problems since.

They are aware that there is a difference between games and reality.

ScrambledEggAndToast · 30/10/2015 16:15

YANBU. My son is 12 and is desperate for GTA, insists that 'everyone' has got it. I, however, have put my foot down on this one. When I saw the clip online of the postitute giving oral sex and then being thrown out of the car before being run over I definitely knew I'd made the right decision ShockShockJust to be clear, he hasn't got it!!

NewLife4Me · 30/10/2015 16:25

My ds2 told me everybody had it at school when he was about 12.
I told him he wasn't everybody and to do something different instead of being a bloody sheep.
He bought it himself for his 17th birthday and appreciated it more for the wait.
At 20 he's grown out of playing now.
Ds1 24 was never bothered with games like this and when young liked the driver games on Play station.
He doesn't play anymore neither.
DD 11 has also never been bothered with playing and has never owned a console.
Guess I was just lucky.

EnaSharplesHairnet · 30/10/2015 16:36

beefthief what a relief it's not a requirement!Wink

My kids are aware of the difference between games/films and reality too, so what?Confused

It doesn't mean they get to watch 18 stuff at home. I am also aware of what documentaries they watch too and we talk about why it's actually good to be upset by seeing the infliction of pain and that it can be positive to decide not to watch stuff.

Just upping the ante on violence and taking it as a marvellous sign of maturity if your kids can "manage" is not a path I'm bothered to follow.

myotherusernameisbetter · 30/10/2015 17:25

Ena who says we don't police what they have?

We also sit and discuss things and actually watching some of the documentaries and older films and video games spark a lot of conversations about morals and society etc.

DS2 and I just had a long discussion about gun laws etc - which he raised as he thinks other countries with liberal gun laws are wrong.

Anything 15 and above in terms of movies etc we watch as a family. The games we don't as DH and I are not interested in gaming. we can hear what they are saying though and can look at what they are doing at any time.

The point is that I am comfortable that what my children have access to is okay and that they are aware that the way people behave in games and in movies/tv isn't real and is not necessarily acceptable in society. However that doesn't necessarily mean that it is right for all children. Some are more sensitive or more easily influenced or whatever. Parents are the ones that know their children and can decide but I wouldn't give any 18s to pre teens.

EnaSharplesHairnet · 30/10/2015 18:54

I never commented on your policing or otherwise.

I was responding to the implication that some parents may avoid certain games because their poor children are unable to know the difference between reality and fiction. It's been quoted at me in RL as well and I think it's a bit insulting tbh!

EnaSharplesHairnet · 30/10/2015 18:56

You've added to the insult with "more sensitive" and "more easily influenced".Wink

I'm not having a go at your choices just saying you are misinterpreting mine!

myotherusernameisbetter · 30/10/2015 19:04

Ena fair enough but you quoted my post and then went on to question what I was doing as if I just randomly let them do what they like because my kids are so great and special and not like anyone else's :o

I'm not trying to deride anyone else for saying no either - everyone has their own reasons for saying Yes or No to these games and OP was asking if she was unreasonable to say No, but no-one can really answer that and we also cannot decide that the people allowing it are unreasonable in allowing it. they'd be unreasonable if they weren't considering the impact before deciding though.

My kids did have it a lot later than their friends but still younger than the certificate. but it was a decision taken based on a proper assessment not just "because all my friends have it"

myotherusernameisbetter · 30/10/2015 19:07

Although given most of the posts on MN I seem to be unreasonable in actually enjoying my teenagers at the moment, I hope that it lasts and they don't turn into complete horrors soon :o

EnaSharplesHairnet · 30/10/2015 19:09

I have lovely times and head shaking times with my teen right now, but mostly it's good!

EnaSharplesHairnet · 30/10/2015 19:22

I wasn't questioning what you specifically were doing, I'm sorry "your kids" was ambiguous but I meant it that final paragraph in a general way - as a path that is taken among quite a few families I know. (I've heard their policies in minute detail!) My friend sounded proud that her DD was watching horror at a young age. I just don't get the pride thing!