To be annoyed that FIL thinks DH works his fingers to the bone whilst I do nothing?

[MagicalMischief]

I am sick of FIL's attitude. Every time I see FIL if DH isn't there or isn't in the room, FIL goes on about how hard DH works and that he hopes I appreciate it. DH works full time. I am self employed and work full time and more hours besides, quite often around the DCs. We earn roughly the same.

I am at home this week as it is half term and on Monday FIL popped round. He started up with his usual spiel of asking where DH is working this week (DH travels around sometimes), then saying how hard DH works and that he hopes I appreciate it. This time rather than taking it I said "Actually I work hard too". He ignored me and carried on so I did the broken record technique and after 3 or 4 times he said "Well yes but DH keeps the family afloat financially, you don't work properly". I then said that yes, I do work 'properly' and I do keep us afloat financially too, and he then went on and on about how DH's job is harder and how it's 'always harder for the man than the woman'.

So I walked out of the room. When I went back into the room he changed the subject.

I am just sick of it all. I told DH about it and he wasn't too happy that I answered back to his dad and said that his dad means well!!

What a depressing thread-can't believe it is 2015 and the same crap is being spouted.

Bad enough that we may have had to put up with it when we were young but awful to think that our DC should have to listen to this type of rubbish too

My DM frequently has little digs at me about the DCs homework being done or the house being a state. It got too much recently and I asked her if her mother would have spoken to my father like that when he worked full time? I called her on it as it just always feels she tries to make everything my issue. DH runs's his own business around the DDs. Those things are his jobs - go have a moan at him.

I don't think PIL know what I earn. But they are fully aware that it's my wage that is the main one and thinkeep he is incredibly lucky that he has me to support himy whilst he gets his business off the ground. But then MIL has always worked and her career has gone from strength to strength after FIL retired and her boys left home.

It is depressing isn't it. For at least 4 years I was the main earner while dh studied to become an accountant. While working. His work paid for the qualifications but he had to take a trainee position with an almost 9k paycut. I paid all mortgage etc at this time.

Flip to now and dh is fully qualified and between us we pull in almost 90k a year (with Dhs wages being well over half). Pil seem to have forgotten that for ages I was the main earner and just refer to me as the one with the "little job" and aren't I lucky that dh "lets" me do things. Like go for riding lessons I pay for that myself

Sounds like my dad. "I pay for everything!" (no you don't), "I work hard!" (yes you do, but so do mum and I), so I'm not going to pick up my rubbish, clear away my dirty plates, do my laundry, cook any food etc etc. If you don't make me lunch / dinner / pudding you're an ungrateful daughter who is freeloading (no, I'm not), I don't pay any rent / board (yes, I do - to mum) etc etc.

The other day I was prepping veg in the kitchen. He comes down with a cup, leaves it on the side. I tell him the dishwasher is dirty. He says "Oh, is it?" and wanders off. I tell him to put his dirty cup in the dishwasher - "It's my house (yes, and mums too) and I can leave things where I like!" (No, you can't, because mum's the mug that has to clean up after you)

This is a fairly mild example of everyday life with him. I hate the bastard, I really do He is exactly like his git of a father, and seems to expect my mum and I to be the perfect little women housekeepers like his 1950s-cut-out bitch of a mother was.

I am determined to break this cycle; should I ever think about marrying again, I will avoid any man who shows even the slightest inkling of being anything like my father.

Dh just reminded me of another one. Dh inherited a substantial amount of money from his mum and step dad, five figures.
Fil went into orbit ( shouting and swearing down the phone) when he found out that all savings/ investments had been set up in joint names. Called dh a soft bastard and told him that he should have given me £200 to " treat " myself and put everything in his name. We've been together over 20 years

And yes, fil controls ALL of his and smil's money.

Thattime why on earth was your DH sharing that kind of private financial business with your fil in the first place?