To be annoyed that FIL thinks DH works his fingers to the bone whilst I do nothing?

[MagicalMischief]

I am sick of FIL's attitude. Every time I see FIL if DH isn't there or isn't in the room, FIL goes on about how hard DH works and that he hopes I appreciate it. DH works full time. I am self employed and work full time and more hours besides, quite often around the DCs. We earn roughly the same.

I am at home this week as it is half term and on Monday FIL popped round. He started up with his usual spiel of asking where DH is working this week (DH travels around sometimes), then saying how hard DH works and that he hopes I appreciate it. This time rather than taking it I said "Actually I work hard too". He ignored me and carried on so I did the broken record technique and after 3 or 4 times he said "Well yes but DH keeps the family afloat financially, you don't work properly". I then said that yes, I do work 'properly' and I do keep us afloat financially too, and he then went on and on about how DH's job is harder and how it's 'always harder for the man than the woman'.

So I walked out of the room. When I went back into the room he changed the subject.

I am just sick of it all. I told DH about it and he wasn't too happy that I answered back to his dad and said that his dad means well!!

I would be furious if someone spoke to me the way your FIL did and your DH's reaction speaks volumes. My guess is he underplays your contribution to give his father the impression that he is more successful and earns more than he actually does. He doesn't want you to tell his father otherwise.

He has a real cheek to suggest that your FIL means well as he certainly isn't doing you any favours by suggesting that you don't work properly or help keep the family afloat.

I think you should put your FIL very straight on what you think of his opinion. He may not change his incredibly sexist views but at least he will (hopefully) keep them to himself in future.

My MIL thinks DH "doesn't have a proper job" because "he works in an office".
If she ever found out I earn nearly twice what DH does her head would explode. We would never ever discuss this stuff with her and luckily she doesn't comment on it (other than she knows DH is the only child who never asks her for money).

My dad knows I earn quite a bit, he's proud.

Luckily I don't have any other relations to come out with crap like this.

My PILs are like this and possibly worse. They also compare me (unfavourably) with SIL and other women in the family. They wouldn't dare do it in front of dh but he'd be quite happy if I did. I can't understand people poking their noses into other people's relationships.

Sweet Jesus his bloody rude. I wouldn't dream if saying things like this to anyone least of all my lovely dil.

I would also be furious at your dh.

Tell them both to fuck off op.

my FIL was appalled to find that dh's boss is a woman.
He came out with the gem"I could never take orders from a woman"

Oh yeah, these people can't accept that women can become bosses. My MIL ranted and raved when my BIL was chosen for redundancy because his 'bitch' of a boss 'had it in for him'. She made all sorts of accusations that this woman had slept or charmed her way to the top, and that she clearly didn't love her children because she worked full time. Err, you've never met her and your adult son has never said anything beyond a few basic facts about her, yet you've assassinated this woman's character. Wouldn't happen to a male boss.

I have one of these FIL too! We've been NC for well over a year now so thankfully I don't have to engage with him any more but he was always coming out with barbs about how stupid I am and once told me that 'if you had a brain, you'd be dangerous'. My husband's family all have STEM type degrees while mine is in History of Art and I work as a historian and writer so they like to pretend amongst themselves and probably to other people that I never went to university at all and am some sort of simpleton while fawning on my BIL's poor girlfriend who has a science degree and is therefore worthy of attention and respect.

The final straw for me was a game of Trivial Pursuit where we went in teams and his father and sister refused to accept my very definite answer to a simple fucking History of Art type question because I'm so bloody stupid that I don't even know anything about my own degree subject. So we had to go with his dad's answer which was WRONG. Of course. Urgh. Trivial, I know but it still gives me the mega rage years later. Twats.

Like other posters, I was raised by my grandmother to always have dinner on the table and always put my husband first because his needs would be more important than mine blah blah fucking blah. Total bullshit.

Did they apologise for being wrong?

Ah but we have to bomb the Muslims because they have a monopoly of sexism. None of my Muslims would ever dream of making these types of comments.

The worst thing about most misogynists is that they are dead thick.

This is a truly depressing thread..... The trivial pursuit example I think was the end of all.

I am slightly confused wtaf it has to do with Muslims, however.

I'm hoping that's a bigot the poster knows. But am confused too!
I don't think the trivial pursuit eg was sexual though. Art-ist maybe :o

These men should all FOTTFSOFTFOSM.

My dad would have been 98 this year and he cooked. He also looked after me as a baby while my mum went back to work. I'm sure he did have some old fashioned ideas (he died when I was 6 so don't really know) but obviously he "helped at home" rather a lot!

Urgh, my MIL is like this. DH backs me up thankfully. I would love to explain to her that by undermining my role as the wage earner she also undermines his caring responsibilities. Grrrr.

I remember when we told MIL that OH was taking additional paternity leave and she was highly suspicious and was really worried about his job. I'm the higher earner, so it made sense, but she didn't seem to get that.

Then, when we was off, she spent the whole time saying 'Oh, poor Mr C, he's looking after two children AND running the house.... He looks exhausted.....'

I told Mr C it felt like a dig at me. He pointed out to his mum that she didn't treat his female siblings in the same way and he was more than capable.

DS's teacher recently got engaged. One of the grannies on drop off duty said 'well I just hope she doesn't leave now'.

This is an incredibly bright, professional young woman. Why in the name of arse would she leave her job upon marriage?

What century do some people live in.

exConstance I work 90+ hours a week in a very busy job,I work hard under a lot of pressure obviously I get rewarded accordingly.

But I do not work as hard not even close to as hard as I worked many years ago when I worked a couple of days a week in a shop where I was also treated like shit by customers and management and certainly not rewarded accordingly,and I certainly haven't arrived at home after a shift with my feet swollen and burning.

And these days I have my own security to prevent myself from being verbally abused or assaulted by members of the public.

Similar story - my mum got divorced got the house in settlement (but no support from our dad her choice, he was an alcoholic etc), anyway she had to let rooms but met my stepdad, he worked, paid rent but she paid the mortgage and paid it off early with book royalties (she was an author for a while) and inheritance etc. stepdad had low paid job so didn't pay much in that way. His parents were in Ireland (we're in UK) and as my mum didn't rely get on with her stepmom we rarely visited (but did do, once or twice), stepdad went every year.

Turns out he (stepdad) was feeding them a story or making them believe he'd paid off the mortgage and my mum was 'sponging' with her 2 kids (me and DB, my mum didn't have any kids with Stepdad). I was pissed off when I heard this but we were adults by then. I think even now stepdads family still believe he has 'paid for everything' when my mum paid off the mortgage in her 40s by herself.... My mum was pretty angry when she found out though the original lie and laid it on the line for stepdad (they're not married).

Speak up every single time he spouts such a sexist bull how very dare he. ...i'm. Livid for you.

Stealth, of course not!

Haha the Trivial Pursuit question reminds me of another FIL gem where he decided there was no way, as the little wife who left her brain at the altar, I would know something Quite Tricky.

I have been playing the piano for 30 years and a couple of Christmases ago my mum bought me my own piano (from my gm's estate). We showed it my FIL who said it was "rubbish" as it didn't have a screen to tell you which voice you are using and the left hand didn't play arpeggios. Um no, it's a digital piano, not a keyboard. He wouldn't stop. I even demonstrated that I could play fecking arpeggios myself. Still, he carried on.

Now, not only have I been playing the piano for 30 years, I have not one but two music degrees. So I told him to shift and played a Mozart piano sonata at him.

I'm agog at so many of the comments on this thread. YANBU!

My own FIL can be a bit like that and I always pull him on it and ask if he is trying hard to be rude.

He worked as a teacher for 30 years, took early retirement 15 years ago and that's fine. But it's like his previous employment status makes him feel entitled to Know. Everything. About. Everything.

I work in a specialist field (regarding offenders/prisoners) in a specific setting. Nothing to do with what his job was at all. Yet because he used to watch The Bill and Prisoner Cell Block H he seems to feel able to tell me things about my job! Then he is genuinely surprised when I set him straight and tell him he's wrong.

Drives me batty.

One day I will tell my PIL how much I earn (in excess of £150k) which is about the same as my DH earns but I have total flexibility and can do as much or little as I want and he is rather tied.

I wait patiently for that day as I am sure that they think I am very lucky to have married him as he has such a good job (he does but by hard work) as indeed i do.

Lend us a tenner 32nd floor ?

What Mintyy said.