To be annoyed that FIL thinks DH works his fingers to the bone whilst I do nothing?

[MagicalMischief]

I am sick of FIL's attitude. Every time I see FIL if DH isn't there or isn't in the room, FIL goes on about how hard DH works and that he hopes I appreciate it. DH works full time. I am self employed and work full time and more hours besides, quite often around the DCs. We earn roughly the same.

I am at home this week as it is half term and on Monday FIL popped round. He started up with his usual spiel of asking where DH is working this week (DH travels around sometimes), then saying how hard DH works and that he hopes I appreciate it. This time rather than taking it I said "Actually I work hard too". He ignored me and carried on so I did the broken record technique and after 3 or 4 times he said "Well yes but DH keeps the family afloat financially, you don't work properly". I then said that yes, I do work 'properly' and I do keep us afloat financially too, and he then went on and on about how DH's job is harder and how it's 'always harder for the man than the woman'.

So I walked out of the room. When I went back into the room he changed the subject.

I am just sick of it all. I told DH about it and he wasn't too happy that I answered back to his dad and said that his dad means well!!

My mil described my job as "pocket money". I am a solicitor

I get this from FIL too, always going on about dh's "amazing career", and how well he's done professionally.

I work pt. If I was ft I'd earn more than dh (we might even 'swap' at some point). In terms of where I sit in my organisation I am significantly more senior and have greater earning potential.

Last time FIL started to congratulate dh on his fantastic career I asked him why he was under the impression that only dh's career was worthy of note. He didn't answer.

I dislike FIL for many reasons, but most of all I hate his sexist outlook on the world. And I call him on it every single time. "Mothers" take children to school? No FIL, parents take children to school. "Mothers" like to watch their children play. No FIL, parents like to watch them children play.

My personal favourite was when I contributed a chapter to a book. Academic book, leading editors in the field, and the result of a peer reviewed conference paper. As a young researcher still considering a career in academia (which I do have, although I'm not an academic) it was a very big deal. He thought it amazing and frankly odd that I'd done something of any intellectual worth "after I married".

I've already told dh if he tries the sexist nonsense on either of my dds he won't see them again.

I work full time in a very challenging job. D SiL ( she is very nice) works 16 hours a week in a supermarket. My mother never stops going on about how hard SiL has to work, doesn't know how she does it etc. etc. If I mention that I work more than twice as many hours I get told that I don't need to do it (oh yes I do, mortgage and a son at uni). She is also very shocked that DH does half the cleaning, his own ironing, and sometimes gets his own evening meal if he is out until later in the evening. It gets you down.

Remind him that you'll be choosing his care home. wink

Why would the OP be choosing her FIL's care home? Surely he would choose it himself, or if incapacitated, one of his own children would help with the choice?

I think that remark was in extremely poor taste, even if meant as a joke. Veiled threats of elder abuse are NOT funny.

My FIL is generally lovely but he's old fashioned like this as well. He's mentioned how DP is looking after us (me & baby) and that I have to look after the house. I just ignore him

my mum used to say things like 'oh you are lucky, he is so good with the kids' looked surprised whenever he changed a nappy and was thrilled to little mint balls that he could make a cheese sauce. always got him to 'perform' this miracle when we went to stay, bless her.
think my PIL thought I did a 'nice little job, for pin money' until his mum saw my name on an article in her magazine and began to realise that perhaps I actually did have a 'proper job'

Next time, press him.

'Exactly what do you mean, he works harder?'

'Why is it harder for the man than the woman?"

'I don't workproperly? '

That one especially would really set me on fire!

My fil is similar, used to make 'hilarious' comments about how I sat at home doing nothing all day (work pt at home for dh but all childcare). One day he asked how much standard mat pay is. When I replied £540, he says "that's more than us poor pensioners get". Before I could say anything, dh pipes up "yeah but dad she's actually doing something". So then I chime in "yes we can't all sit around doing nothing all day". This is coming from someone who retired early to do nothing all day, no hobbies at all. Funnily enough, I've had no comments since then.

properly

obviously!

thrilled to little mint balls

Im still laughing at shit stain

It's MIL in my case, I have always worked and for the first 20 years of my career it was in the family business, not part time when I felt like it but full time (never less than 8 hours a day, 5 days a week) as Operations Director. MIL liked to comment that it was easy for me because I worked for my Dad and could do what I liked, whereas she had a proper job and of course my DH was the main breadwinner.
How do you explain to a teacher (so always the hardest working person on the planet) that you are responsible for over 30 people and their lively hoods and that my responsibilities don't end at 5.30 each day. When our DC were little DH had to travel extensively for his job, I ran the house, did all the childcare and ran a very successful £2m business. At this stage I was also the higher wage earner. Plus what she never understood, holidays, her live revolved around school terms and then her plans for the holidays (like spring cleaning every cupboard in the house) she never understood that I only had 6 weeks holiday per year and that was for outings and holidays so no I didn't care to spring clean. Everytime I'd been with her my blood was boiling but she would never have it any different, in the end I just gave up.

Live is different now, DH secured a new highly paid job and we sold the business, I still work but don't earn as much as before and nowhere near as much as DH. She is retired so now it is her DD (SIL) who works hard and not me, but I can let it go right over my head.

FIL is lovely.

next time he says it is harder for a man, look at him pityingly, and ask whether he thinks that men are therefore less capable.

This thread is making me angry just reading it, and making me feel grateful for my only slightly annoying FIL. Can't believe he talks to you like that.. How can anyone ignore the facts!? Even if you were a SAHM you don't deserve a grilling. Just fuck the fuck off! I would either walk out of the room when he says it or keep repeating same thing. But you need to tackle DH about his attitude too.

I've just been given a dressing down from my mother for telling her that "poor" dh is home making my dinner. Apparently I'm a bad wife.

He's better at cooking than me. He enjoys it. It de stresses him.

Everyone's a winner. Except me I'm a bad wife.

My FIL is lovely but I have for some reason had these comments from the man who owns our local Horner shop!

When I was at home with baby DS he said ' you're lucky to be at home, it's easy isn't it, much worse to be a man and have to work. ' I said I would be going back to work soon and he asked 'oh are you going to work for your husband?' Er no why would I? We trained in totally different fields.

Plus whenever he sees me in there without my son he asks where he is on a shocked voice as if I might have left him alone. He looks staggered that he might be alone with his own dad!!

I've no idea why he cares what I do, I don't know him from a bar of soap ??

MIL and FIL are fully in support of my BIL, who is currently divorcing his wife because he was unhappy that she 'didn't cook him dinner'. SIL worked full time too, and had just lost her mother and had kidney surgery. When they come to stay with DH and I (we both work FT) they stood at the counter watching mesmerized as he prepared dinner, you'd have thought he was performing an exorcism given the look on their faces. MIL followed him around the kitchen hovering around him whenever he used a can opener or a knife in the way you might hover over a child who is just learning to walk.

FIL said (his exact words) that i just 'sit around on the sofa and drink wine. I can't wait to pick his care home.

Hard to believe reading this thread that it is 2015.....
Depressing.

Very depressing. Luckily it's an attitude dying out with younger generations with all these men cooking.. I'm 30 and don't know a man who doesn't cook.

penelope He sounds very unhinged!

FIL recently told my 5 year old DD that "mummies can't be clever". Thankfully DH and I overheard and were able to present a counter argument but honestly, what a shitty thing to say. Imagine limiting your own grandchild's self-belief like that, and slagging off your wife and DIL and sister into the bargain. PILs' eyes glaze over when I talk about my work and until recently assumed I'd stopped after DD was born - we see them every sodding weekend and I went back full time after a year's mat leave. For four years they assumed I neither worked not cleaned, it transpires. But are scathing about SIL because she has a cleaner. Cannot win.

Not/nor. Now I have pedant rage.

FIL (now NC) always treated me like a kitchen-slave. He'd come round to help DH with some household DIY job I'm ace at DIY, it's just the one time DH feels like he gets on with FIL is working together and my 'job' would be to keep the busy menz supplied with tea and bacon sarnies.

It got to the point where I told DH that I was on tea-making strike and he would be running around making tea for me while I cut in a rather difficult and high hallway (scaffolding needed) and his father could go to hell. I got PA remarks about how it was a mazing that I could wield a paint brush, what with being female. I haven't seen him much since then...

years of bullying and sexist/misogynistic remarks led to this, not one decorating event. This era was the final straw

I didn't realise this was so common! This was why I limited contact with PIL, I find it very offensive. My own family were very forward thinking and quite the opposite, and I'd no idea such thinking existed! I'd never heard limiting, sexist views until meeting them, not from my family, friends or anyone I've worked with. Its one of the reasons ex DH is an ex.

Ex FIL was useless too. He took early retirement at something like 53 and has basically sat on his backside ever since. No hobbies, just sits indoors all day except a short walk to the shop. Has never travelled or anything, despite being in receipt of a couple of large inheritances. He simply does not realise that the world of work has changed since his brief stint, that you now require a degree to get a good job, that you are subject to constant performance review, that someone like him who just showed up and hardly did anything would now be sacked, and that even with all that, you still may not be as rich as exPIL ended up because of house prices.

This is obviously my fault, as their darling son obviously has a fantastic job (DH earned less than me). They didn't believe this of course, particularly with my income coming from several different, mainly consultancy sources. They thought I should go back to my lower paid job working for someone else and that I somehow fiddled the tax system. They believe I didn't work hard enough because my car is more than 3 years old, that this was evidence of my deficiencies in the world of work. They think I've made it up when I say I've contributed to books and academic journals. And no doubt they'll think I've pulled off some massive fraud when DH has to pay me back the house deposit paid from my savings when the house is sold.

Neither exPIL or their children or their spouses have university degrees, my family have several Oxbridge scholars amongst them, yet they liked to claim I went to a sink school in some slum area and married exDH for his money.

Another one feeling sad reading this .... it's 2015 ! Not 1950 ....

Kerala, your post says it all when it comes to PILs.
Once had bil send me a card congratulating me on new job. He'd drawn a cartoon of me giving a giggly smile to my new employer at interview ffs. I'm sure he meant it well!!!!