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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Other parent asking nanny a favour

137 replies

WifeOfGru · 28/10/2015 10:35

Ok, here goes.
Genuinely want to see if this is reasonable or not.

Background: We have three daughters aged 8,4 and 16 months.
We employ a great nanny 2 days a week and she has worked for us for over 3 years.

There is another mum at my daughter's school who was initially a friend of mine and then got to know our nanny a bit. Unfortunately that mum's child was involved in quite a bit of nasty behaviour earlier in the year and essentially I have wound back on things in terms of play dates etc. on advice from the school (the situation did not directly involve my child but was pretty bad).

Anyway other mum and her husband separated over the summer.
She now seems quite unhinged/emotionally labile/angry from her Facebook posts.

Today, she calls our nanny 5 mins before school pick up to ask if our nanny would look after her girls til she gets to the school, as she is running late.
Our nanny agrees.

The school have a set up whereby if a parent is late, you can call the office, they will gather your children from the olaygroudpnd and keep them in the school reception area until parent arrives.

Anyway, our nanny then supervises our 3 girls (incl 16 month old) and other mum's two girls for 40 minutes until other mum arrives.

Other mum barely speaks to myself or my husband and I have heard nothing about the incident from her this morning.

It speaks volumes that she has no other contact in the school bar our nanny.

Our apnanny is very friendly and eager to help out when she can and I do think she was taken advantage of.

Who do you think I should bring this up with and is this unreasonable behaviour. I have my own thoughts but don't want to sway the opinions.

Thankyou!

OP posts:
PisforPeter · 28/10/2015 15:45

Bloody hell Katherina being a parent is not just about the fun bits!!
Did you hand them over when they were teeny & had up the back poos because I'm guessing you don't think that's much fun either???
Hmm

PisforPeter · 28/10/2015 15:46

Grin @ 'cock ring'

DamnBamboo · 28/10/2015 15:47

Pis who comforts your kids when you're working. You haven't answered that yet.

QuidditchTonedThighs · 28/10/2015 15:59

When I was a nanny I had a situation where a friend of my bosses would ask me to look after her kids from time to time. Once she invited me over with my charges to play in the garden, then disappeared indoors for the afternoon leaving me to look after them!

Tbh if she had ever offered to reciprocate I would have been happy to carry on. She and her kids were great apart from this. But I felt a responsibility to do as she asked, because she was my bosses' friend, and they had never said not to... it was rather awkward. I thought my bosses would be cross if I said no! It emerged my bosses thought I was being taken advantage of but didn't want to interfere. I would give your nanny clear guidelines on what to do in this kind of situation (phone you to check, OR, feel free to say yes or no, whichever she likes, OR maybe you'd always rather she said no.)

Mintyy · 28/10/2015 16:05

Oh, I assumed Pisforpeter was joking with her "I didn't have children to palm them off on strangers" comment. But apparently not Shock.

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 28/10/2015 16:16

I think Pis is being serious with her Bloody hell Katherina being a parent is not just about the fun bits!! statement.

sparechange · 28/10/2015 16:40

Not totally relevant to the OP but please can I share my story of the most epic pisstaking of a nanny who was employed on the same terms as OPs, including a couple of nights of babysitting

DF rarely asked her to babysit but a couple of school mums asked if they could ask the nanny to babysit for them. One phones and organises a night.

Nanny does a night of babysitting and sheepishly mentions a few days later that she wasn't paid. DF texts friend to ask her if she can pay nanny soon.

Friend replies that she thought the nanny was being paid for a couple of nights of babysitting per week as part of her contract, so was just using those rather than paying her for extra work Shock

DamnBamboo · 28/10/2015 16:47

Bloody hell spare
Did you disabuse her of that pretty sharpish.
I trust your nanny got her money.

chillycurtains · 28/10/2015 16:57

I think you need to look at the positive in that you have a great kind-hearted woman looking after your DC and that they will see and hopefully learn kindness and generosity from her.

I would probably have a chat with the nanny and say that if she gets any more contact from this parent you don't want her to watch the other children and that the school has a provision for this so it's unnecessary for anyone to do this.

overthemill · 28/10/2015 18:01

boffin bamboo thank you! i really thought I was being wrong at the time - stuff like this makes you doubt yourself - it was a really hard time for us.

PiperIsTerrysChoclateOrange · 28/10/2015 18:25

Op are you in the uk, because I can't for the life of me believe a school would advice against play dates. Was this advice through email, letter or on the website or other means of communication.

If I was to pay for a nanny, then I would just trust him/her to look after them and get the things done that needed. I wouldn't care what the nanny actually did with them while in her care, even if it meant the nanny helping someone in an emergency.

Yokohamajojo · 29/10/2015 13:01

Love the comment of why have children if you're not going to look after them, if someone says that their nanny has taken them to medical appointments, why why oh why assume that it is a Imm booster at 3, why not assume that it was to get weighed at the local GP or a follow up app to get a new prescription? just don't get it!

I have had a number of nannies all brilliant but fortunately have never had the problem of someone else trying to take advantage!

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