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Original poster

to find DD's friends so bloody RUDE!

77 replies

snottagecheese · 27/10/2015 21:57

DD is 6, nearly 7. She can be a right pain the arse and really rude to me /DH when she's in a strop, but it's not her default mood, and I'm about 99% certain that she wouldn't dream of speaking to her friends' parents the way some of them speak to me.

Examples: the friend we had over for dinner this evening - I asked them what they'd like to drink, DD said 'Milk, please' (or maybe just 'Milk' - I can't remember, but no biggie); her friend (I thought) didn't reply, so I said 'X, what would you like?' His reply: 'MILK, I said!' This pissed me off, so I said 'Um, please?' 'Please' says he, virtually rolling his eyes. Then there was the friend who said she wanted something to eat, dragged a chair over to the kitchen cupboards, climbed up and started rummaging through the shelves.

Another time we'd come home with a friend in tow; it was getting late for dinner so I was running around turning on the oven, getting stuff out of the fridge, etc and DD and her friend wanted me to unlock the back door so they could go into the garden. I said 'Hang on, I just need to get these things out so I can make dinner' - 'No, you don't NEED to do that, you NEED to let us outside, right now,' DD's friend told me. Then there was another that I especially made ratatouille for (yes, I know, but her mum swore it was her favourite food EVER and I had the time so thought why not) - she took one mouthful and said 'Yuk, that is disgusting', and spat it out - actually not even spat, just kind of let it dribble out of her mouth. Another time, this same girl didn't want to eat her dinner - not any part of it, and it was all v innocuous stuff, so I suggested she just try some, at which point she burst into tears and started wailing 'I don't like it, it's horrible, I won't eat it, yuk' etc.

I mean, I'm sorry, but is this kind of thing normal??? DD has other friends who don't talk/behave like spoilt brats, but to be honest they're in the minority. The parents of these kids are lovely, too - polite, considerate, socialised Grin - so WTF is going on?!

OP posts:
Floggingmolly · 27/10/2015 21:59

No, it's not normal. Between three kids; I've only ever had one visitor behave that way, and they never came round again. Ever.

gandalf456 · 27/10/2015 22:04

I have had a few like that. I hope mine are not in other people's houses. It put me off playmates and I don't do many now. On the plus side, it makes you grateful for your own. Also, a lot of those who were awful at six are lovely and polite now so I wish I hadn't taken it all so personally

CrapBag · 27/10/2015 22:05

None of these rude kids would grave my doorstep again. Where did they learn this, at home presumably so their parents can't be any better.

I'd say its not normal, I have noticed a few children need a 'what do we say' prompt to which they say please, but generally DCs friends seem polite and we'll mannered. If a child dragged a chair up and started rifling through my cupboards I'd be asking what the hell they were doing (not in those words).

Thankfully I have been I formed that my DCs are very polite and well mannered at other people's houses which is a relief as it's something I am very hot on. It's a shame that some parents don't see this as important.

CrapBag · 27/10/2015 22:06

grace

Gunpowder · 27/10/2015 22:06

Shock I think this behaviour is so rude. I sort of feel like no one should ever be made to eat anything, it's not nice (have horrid memories of trying to force down spam as a child) and I would never mind if a guest asked for a tiny bit/left something they didn't like. However I would be horrified if my DC behaved like this, and DC1 is only 3!

I don't know what the solution is, however. Call them out on it? Speak to parents? Tricky.

Gunpowder · 27/10/2015 22:08

I would want to know if my DC were so badly behaved.

Tiggeryoubastard · 27/10/2015 22:10

After 3 boys I've only ever had one visitor like that. My son was squirming with embarrassment, when he went my son said 'he's not coming again!'.

KitNCaboodle · 27/10/2015 22:11

my eldest had a friend over a few weeks back. It's the only time I have truly been flabbergasted by a friend's behaviour. Don't want to say too much for fear of outing myself but they were incredibly destructive, very grabby and obviously never hear 'no'. They're 10

VashtaNerada · 27/10/2015 22:12

It is really rude but I think they play off each other at that age, once one starts being rude the others join in. Sometimes DD and her friends can be little brats when they're together, but normally lovely kids in most circumstances!

Oldraver · 27/10/2015 22:12

'No, you don't NEED to do that, you NEED to let us outside, right now,'

What did you say ? I would like to think if a child spoke to me like that they would be in no doubt never to speak like that again (but in reality I would probably gobsmacked)

I had a a really badly behaved child in my house who ended up screaming at me..He got the 'how dare you speak to me like that' speech

Tiggeryoubastard · 27/10/2015 22:12

gunpoeder it's the parents that would want to know and would tackle it that probably wouldn't have kids like that. If kids are that bad the parents usually don't give a toss.

WorraLiberty · 27/10/2015 22:13

That's spooky Tigger, I was going to say the exact same thing! Shock

I have 3 boys and only ever had one rude child.

My son told him off (aged about 8 I think), picked him up on not using his manners and then decided when he'd gone home, that he was never inviting him back again Grin

Tiggeryoubastard · 27/10/2015 22:15

Worra Grin

AppleAndBlackberry · 27/10/2015 22:15

I have a 6yo. I'm pretty sure she doesn't say please at other people's houses because I'm constantly reminding her at home. I hope she's not rude but I know she gets over excited and silly. It's not for want of trying to instill good manners on my part though, we are very hot on it. I am just hoping the message will get through at some point!

Tiggeryoubastard · 27/10/2015 22:18

A 6 year old will forget sometimes, especially in other people's houses. Or she may remember more when out, funnily enough. As long as she's not rude the rest of the time, which I doubt she is, it's totally understandable, don't worry, Apple.

Original poster
snottagecheese · 27/10/2015 22:19

Oldraver I said something like 'X, can you not speak to me like that please you utter brat?' with my eyebrows raised to the roof.

I'm glad it's not just me - I actually dread having them over because it's so hard to deal with, i.e. I'd dearly love to give them a total blocking but can't because they're not mine. I do find it so weird, though. I kind of feel like their parents would be horrified if they knew, but on the other hand I can only imagine they get away with it at home, otherwise why would they think it's okay to talk like that to adults?

OP posts:
Original poster
snottagecheese · 27/10/2015 22:20

bollocking, not blocking.

OP posts:
Original poster
snottagecheese · 27/10/2015 22:22

Not saying please and a bit of mild cheekiness is perfectly understandable in my view Apple - they're excited to be on a playdate and they egg each other on in that situation. But there's a world of difference between that and active rudeness, I think.

OP posts:
Abidewithme3 · 27/10/2015 22:24

Bollocks to that.

As a cm it's part if my role to model behaviour ( apart from the bollocks) Smile seriously I would never allow children to talk to me like that as I wouldn't dream of allowing my kids to be do rude either.

Tell them op. Your house your rules.

Preminstreltension · 27/10/2015 22:29

I think an unsmiling: "oh dear, let's ring mummy and ask her to come and take you home" is in order. They know they've crossed a line but they evidently never get picked up on it...

SantasLittleMonkeyButler · 27/10/2015 22:29

No, this isn't normal. Neither DS has ever bought a friend this rude home Confused.

The worst was probably the one who had clearly come to play on DS2's new XBox game rather than with him - and told DS2 to leave his own bedroom because he was distracting him. I've never had a child actually be rude to me in my own home.

DD is only 4 though, so maybe my time will come (although I hope not!)

tiggytape · 27/10/2015 22:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Duckdeamon · 27/10/2015 22:32

Were your guests Verruca Salt and Violet Beauregarde?

Rummaging in cupboards indeed!

Original poster
snottagecheese · 27/10/2015 22:33

Well I did give the friend (and DD) a bollocking this evening but for another reason, i.e. their incessant picking on DS, aged 2.9. They always do it when they're together but I know it's triggered by the friend - DD does a bit of the 'Go away, you can't come into my room' etc when she has other friends over but with this one it extends to name-calling, grabbing things from him, calling him stupid, pushing him/whacking him on the head with e.g. a soft toy, hiding his things, etc, which to me is spiteful and bullying rather than the straightforward 'you're too little to play with us' stuff that I understand and tolerate. This evening I gave them a big talking to about it but after I'd finished, literally 20 seconds later, I heard him whispering to DD about something they were going to do to DS. I said 'Did you hear a word I just said?' but honestly, he didn't give a flying f*. It's so hard because his mum is LOVELY and we get on really well, but dear god her son is an arrogant little...

OP posts:
HPsauciness · 27/10/2015 22:33

I have noticed this too OP. I had a party recently for one of mine, and the amount of children that didn't say please or thank you was quite incredible. They were actually quite commanding 'I don't drink juice, I drink water' and asking for things as if they were ordering in a very slow restaurant! Individually, I've found them ok in the past, but I did get to wondering why there was so much princessy behaviour 'I don't like this, I don't like that' 'more this, more that' and not enough really nice polite behaviour. One or two children were very polite, but I also noticed the polite children were the ones that the others bossed about and at times were almost dismissive of.

These children were not as young as the ones you are having round and I was left worried that my children might be not as polite as I imagined, because I'm pretty sure that all the parents of these children also think they are nice and polite!

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