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AIBU?

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Original poster

to find DD's friends so bloody RUDE!

77 replies

snottagecheese · 27/10/2015 21:57

DD is 6, nearly 7. She can be a right pain the arse and really rude to me /DH when she's in a strop, but it's not her default mood, and I'm about 99% certain that she wouldn't dream of speaking to her friends' parents the way some of them speak to me.

Examples: the friend we had over for dinner this evening - I asked them what they'd like to drink, DD said 'Milk, please' (or maybe just 'Milk' - I can't remember, but no biggie); her friend (I thought) didn't reply, so I said 'X, what would you like?' His reply: 'MILK, I said!' This pissed me off, so I said 'Um, please?' 'Please' says he, virtually rolling his eyes. Then there was the friend who said she wanted something to eat, dragged a chair over to the kitchen cupboards, climbed up and started rummaging through the shelves.

Another time we'd come home with a friend in tow; it was getting late for dinner so I was running around turning on the oven, getting stuff out of the fridge, etc and DD and her friend wanted me to unlock the back door so they could go into the garden. I said 'Hang on, I just need to get these things out so I can make dinner' - 'No, you don't NEED to do that, you NEED to let us outside, right now,' DD's friend told me. Then there was another that I especially made ratatouille for (yes, I know, but her mum swore it was her favourite food EVER and I had the time so thought why not) - she took one mouthful and said 'Yuk, that is disgusting', and spat it out - actually not even spat, just kind of let it dribble out of her mouth. Another time, this same girl didn't want to eat her dinner - not any part of it, and it was all v innocuous stuff, so I suggested she just try some, at which point she burst into tears and started wailing 'I don't like it, it's horrible, I won't eat it, yuk' etc.

I mean, I'm sorry, but is this kind of thing normal??? DD has other friends who don't talk/behave like spoilt brats, but to be honest they're in the minority. The parents of these kids are lovely, too - polite, considerate, socialised Grin - so WTF is going on?!

OP posts:
minimalist000001 · 27/10/2015 22:34

I've had three situations

First. DS's 8 year old friend (who regularly has the attitude of a stroppy 11 year old) told me the meal I had cooked him was 'disgusting'. DS was shocked! I asked him if there was a better way to say he'd rather not eat it.

Secondly on a brief food shop with my boys and friends boys in tow. Friends boys asked constantly for food/treats. Every two minutes there was something they really needed. I kept redirecting with 'oh, you'll have to ask your mum when you see her. Maybe she will buy it for you?'

Lastly DS's friend (12) nagged that he wanted DH's computer game on. He got so pushy and was adamant he had to have it on. I nicely/firmly told him it didn't matter how many times he asked, the answer would always be no and not to ask me again. I suspect he gets his way an awful lot at home

Plomino · 27/10/2015 22:35

I had one of these charmers round some years ago . DS1 was about 7 , served up the usual 'safe ' tea , spag Bol , garlic bread , salad . Never been turned down in oohs , ever .

This one looks at it , and sniffs. " what's this crap then "

Apparently my head swivelled like the exorcist , DS matter of factory informed him " she's going to kill you now" and DH struggled between picking his jaw off the floor and not breaking into hysterics .

He didn't get the ice cream pudding .

WorraLiberty · 27/10/2015 22:38

I would actually tell your DD that she can't have any more friends over until she learns not to be horrible to her little brother.

Original poster
snottagecheese · 27/10/2015 22:39

Well the first time I properly met the friend we had over this evening was at DD's 5th birthday party nearly 2 years ago. His mum had got him a plate of food from the party food table and he looked at it and said 'But I TOLD you I wanted a CHEESE sandwich, not a HAM one' or words to that effect, and her response was something like 'Oh that's not very polite, is it?'. I didn't know either of them at all at the time, but I do remember thinking a) what a brat (to the point of cliche, very Violet Beauregard as a previous poster has said), and b) my response would have been A LOT less tolerant. But why would you let your 5-year-old talk to you that way, that's what I don't understand?

OP posts:
a1way5wr0ng · 27/10/2015 22:39

My DS is now in his teens and it does get a bit Kevin and Perry Grin his friend are either completely mute or really polite.
He did have one friend though who was so cheeky, he lived around the corner and he used to come over to our house, go into the kitchen and straight to the fridge!! He always used to call me by my first name too. Eventually my son stopped playing with him because he was so obnoxious thank god

minimalist000001 · 27/10/2015 22:41

Snott. I would probably say to the mother/DD/friend that the kids can only play together if they are nice to DS.

AuditAngel · 27/10/2015 22:42

DD1 went to a friend's house and stayed for tea. Ate most of what she was given, thanked the mum, but then said she was really sorry, it was something she didn't like, so was it ok not to have seconds? [ grin ] I was quite proud of her (but would her preferred her just to say thank you.)

Last time she went to a friend's, she did have seconds, the mum commented that it was a delight to feed a child who actually ate (same friend actually)

watchthebirdie · 27/10/2015 22:44

We had TunaPastaBake kid.
He marched in, went to the fridge, looked at the monthly meal planner on it, noted the TunaPastaBake down for each Monday (dd was going through a limited food phase and TPB suited her each Monday teatime) and announced: 'Good Gracious, MrsWTB, don't you find it tedious to have TPB every Monday?' looking like this Hmm. He was 7.
It went downhill from there...

HPsauciness · 27/10/2015 22:55

I am really laughing at some of these watchthebirdie and plomino

ledgeoffseason · 27/10/2015 23:05

Oh my god, I'm pregnant and now I REALLY want tuna pasta bake.

watchthebirdie · 27/10/2015 23:07

Oh, the best bit HP is that he has been to tea around 10 times over the last 2 years. I have served TPB every time. I expect it was lost on him, as that's not that frequent, but I childishly enjoyed it. My heart warmed to him when he said the food was 'nicer than at home', tho.
Mwah ha ha..... Grin

Tiggeryoubastard · 27/10/2015 23:07

She's going to kill you nowGrin

HPsauciness · 27/10/2015 23:09

You really are evil Halloween Grin

Maki79 · 27/10/2015 23:14

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the posters request.

IguanaTail · 27/10/2015 23:22

You should tell them off if they are rude.

"I don't like being spoken to like that - it's rude. I would like an apology now!" call them out on it.

watchthebirdie · 27/10/2015 23:29

I try, HP, I try.... Grin

TheHouseOnTheLane · 28/10/2015 00:22

I swear this kind of child has been allowed to behave as they choose when in public places.

Stuff like being allowed to climb and run about in cafes and restaurants....grab things in shops...no limits. I'm a very relaxed parent....I believe in allowing mine to explore and make creative messes at home....but in public, they know they act a certain way....they know about consideration for others.

These kids who are rude as OP describes have probably never been taught ANY consideration for others.

Original poster
snottagecheese · 28/10/2015 00:31

Oh this makes me feel so much better - it's not just me, is it? It makes me feel so old-fashioned when I'm saying/thinking 'Where are your manners?' but it's just common courtesy, isn't it, to teach your kids to behave politely to others? They probably all think I'm grumpy, strict, uncool, but too bad. Like others have said if my kids spoke to me like that they'd get a right telling-off, so I don't think they should think that it's okay for other people to behave like that either.

OP posts:
IfNotNowThenWhenever · 28/10/2015 00:43

All my son's friends call me by my first name. I mean... its my name, what else would they call me? I don't mind that.
However, I have experienced a bit of jaw dropping cheekiness. One child in particular has such a sense of entitlement. Everything his parents do/ say is correct and woe betide me if I deviate from what he considers correct.
Thing is, when he goes too far, ds can see that he has pushed my buttons, and does that inward groan of " oh God my Mum's going to seriously embarrass me now" and I do. Wink I refuse to be patronised by 9 year olds. Usually I can cut them down to size quite nicely, and if not they ain't coming back.

GuiltyPleasure · 28/10/2015 00:46

A 6 year old on our street used to actually just walk in the house uninvited & announce his mum had said it was ok for him to play in our house. My DS is autistic & has severe anxiety issues & most certainly did not want this child invading his space. The final straw was the day he just walked in & made for the bathroom saying he needed a poo.. I firmly directed him to his own house (less than 30 seconds away)

tobysmum77 · 28/10/2015 07:22

Snottagecheese only arrange playdates with children who have younger siblings is my advice. Most of the time they just let dd2 join in is my experience.......

Mehitabel6 · 28/10/2015 07:46

It isn't normal- they couldn't do it at school and they know it.
I would refuse to have them again.
Pull them up on it- be the dragon!

Letustryagain · 28/10/2015 07:48

OP, luckily I haven't encountered any children like that but I do wonder if the school environment is anything to do with it, if they're all from the same school.

DD's school is VERY hot on behaviour (more than on academics TBH) and I haven't met one child who will not stand back to let me walk through a door first or has bad manners. I volunteer at the school so see their behaviour at school a lot.

But DD has friends from outside of school (who are also very well behaved) and their Mums have told me horror stories about some of the playdates that they've had. So I do think it might be the schools...

LadyLonely1 · 28/10/2015 07:51

You should tell them off properly , not sweetly with please and nice voice. These children sound like such awful brats.
Who cares if they go crying off to their parents. At least they will learn that people will pull them up.

damncat · 28/10/2015 07:55

"I think I NEED to call your mother, you MEED to go home!"