Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

to find DD's friends so bloody RUDE!

77 replies

snottagecheese · 27/10/2015 21:57

DD is 6, nearly 7. She can be a right pain the arse and really rude to me /DH when she's in a strop, but it's not her default mood, and I'm about 99% certain that she wouldn't dream of speaking to her friends' parents the way some of them speak to me.

Examples: the friend we had over for dinner this evening - I asked them what they'd like to drink, DD said 'Milk, please' (or maybe just 'Milk' - I can't remember, but no biggie); her friend (I thought) didn't reply, so I said 'X, what would you like?' His reply: 'MILK, I said!' This pissed me off, so I said 'Um, please?' 'Please' says he, virtually rolling his eyes. Then there was the friend who said she wanted something to eat, dragged a chair over to the kitchen cupboards, climbed up and started rummaging through the shelves.

Another time we'd come home with a friend in tow; it was getting late for dinner so I was running around turning on the oven, getting stuff out of the fridge, etc and DD and her friend wanted me to unlock the back door so they could go into the garden. I said 'Hang on, I just need to get these things out so I can make dinner' - 'No, you don't NEED to do that, you NEED to let us outside, right now,' DD's friend told me. Then there was another that I especially made ratatouille for (yes, I know, but her mum swore it was her favourite food EVER and I had the time so thought why not) - she took one mouthful and said 'Yuk, that is disgusting', and spat it out - actually not even spat, just kind of let it dribble out of her mouth. Another time, this same girl didn't want to eat her dinner - not any part of it, and it was all v innocuous stuff, so I suggested she just try some, at which point she burst into tears and started wailing 'I don't like it, it's horrible, I won't eat it, yuk' etc.

I mean, I'm sorry, but is this kind of thing normal??? DD has other friends who don't talk/behave like spoilt brats, but to be honest they're in the minority. The parents of these kids are lovely, too - polite, considerate, socialised - so WTF is going on?!

OP posts:

damncat · 28/10/2015 07:55

NEED

Mehitabel6 · 28/10/2015 07:59

No teacher is going to put up with that at any school, Letustryagain! They would wipe the floor with them!
They take advantage of the fact that adults don't like to tell off other people's children. You can be unpleasant and tell them off- you don't have to be popular.

MangoBiscuit · 28/10/2015 08:15

Maki your story really made me smile. Your DD sounds very kind, and brave. Bless her standing up for another child like that, although I can imagine it may have been a touch toe curlingly embarrassing for you!

CassieBearRawr · 28/10/2015 08:16

I don't understand why you haven't just told them. They're children, you're the adult. You are allowed to tell them off for misbehaving in your home (ESPECIALLY the bullying behaviour towards your younger child) and not have them back again.

rainbowstardrops · 28/10/2015 08:17

This is exactly why I hate having other people's children round to play!
I totally accept that they all get excited and silly but that's poles apart from rudeness.
DS once had a friend round - they must have been about 9 or 10 at the time. Very well spoken/came from a naice house etc. I'd been upstairs but came down and walked into the kitchen and said friend was walking all along my work surfaces! Actually walking on them
Somehow I didn't shriek like a banshee but calmly through gritted teeth explained that we don't do that in this house
Appalling table manners gets my blood boiling too.
I took DD out yesterday with two of her friends and one of them just kept exclaiming 'Jesus Christ'! very loudly and very regularly.
Mmm I'm not very tolerant of other people's children me thinks

Mehitabel6 · 28/10/2015 08:19

I think that you are far too tolerant rainbowstardrops. There is no need to put up with it.

Original poster

snottagecheese · 28/10/2015 08:26

CassieBear, I did - see my earlier post about giving them a bollocking and DD's friend clearly not giving a monkey's. Also about telling the 'You NEED to let us outside' friend not to speak to me that way. And I told the ratatouille spitter that that's not the way we behave in our house when we don't like something. The cupboard rummager got short shrift too. My point is, really, how do they think it's okay to behave/speak this way?? Nothing about their parents points to it, and I know a couple of them pretty well.

They DO all go to the same school, as another poster suspected, but the school seems pretty hot on discipline from the things I hear from DD - in fact sometimes when I hear they've lost golden time for particular things I think oh, that seems a tiny bit harsh - not that I'm about to intervene, they can get on with it as far as I'm concerned, they're the ones who have to manage these kids day in, day out!

OP posts:

Crazypetlady · 28/10/2015 08:29

Oh I have all of this to come
I don't drink but think I will need one.

Madmog · 28/10/2015 08:31

Sometimes kids don't quite get it right in the way they react, but if you get one that is rude or you find their expectations unreasonable, don't ask them again. For me it's certainly got easier as they get older. DD is a teenager now, all her friends are polite, will have a chat with me and will have a go at eating anything given even though they don't really like it.

CassieBearRawr · 28/10/2015 08:31

It sounds a bit wishy washy though. Have you told them you'll get their parents to collect them if they misbehave? Not have them back because they misbehaved? Told their parents? The bully in particular wouldn't be stepping foot in my house again.

Original poster

snottagecheese · 28/10/2015 08:38

CassieBear, no I haven't threatened them with being picked up early, it's true. But I've decided that with the friend who picks on DS, if it happens again I will simply take him home next time. He got DD to give DS an extra strong mint the other day because he knew the taste/strength would be a nasty shock - he and DD got roundly told off, and I was shocked at the spitefulness of it.

The thing is, not having him - or the 'You NEED to let us outside' friend - isn't really an option as they're DD's best buddies and this boy in particular absolutely adores DD.

OP posts:

mummytime · 28/10/2015 08:54

Sorry but if your DD was mine she would be having fewer play dates.

The "Need" child would have been corrected, and pointed out that I wasn't their personal servant.

But I've never had rude children at my house. They usually get on with it by themselves, and are often nicer to younger siblings than my own DC (but do usually have younger siblings themselves).

Rachel0Greep · 28/10/2015 09:03

The repeated spiteful behaviour to the small child would really bother me. I'd be clearing the kid out, the minute anything like that started.

Floggingmolly · 28/10/2015 09:04

Why are you talking about what you'll do "next time" the bullying little swine starts on your toddler? Why the hell are you still having him round?

timelytess · 28/10/2015 09:11

Why are you talking about what you'll do "next time" the bullying little swine starts on your toddler? Why the hell are you still having him round?
I agree with this entirely. A child who plans to cause harm/upset to a toddler, and who enlists other people's help to do so, isn't in the 'normal' range of behaviour and would not be near any child or grandchild of mine.

Original poster

snottagecheese · 28/10/2015 09:12

Because, Molly, as I said, he's her best friend. I agree that it's not on, but it isn't as simple as he's never coming over again.

OP posts:

VeryPunny · 28/10/2015 09:15

snottagecheese - In my mind, it is as simple as that, TBH. And your DD could learn about not being friends with people who think it's okay to wind up a toddler....

hampsterdam · 28/10/2015 09:15

I wouldn't be encouraging my dc to be best buddies with such a nasty little bully. Stop having him round and invite other kids who can be kind. Your poor son.

Original poster

snottagecheese · 28/10/2015 09:22

Ok, hang on, clearly his behaviour is totally unacceptable but he's not the child of the devil. These are things that have happened intermittently over the past couple of years, not a campaign of daily violence. But you're right in that I think I need to be tougher - I've told him (and DD) off about it several times, but clearly that alone is not effective.

OP posts:

mummytime · 28/10/2015 09:22

Your Dd has plenty of time to play with him at school. Playdates are a privilege and one that for him should be revoked.
There must be nice children at DDs school. Are all her friends boys? Not that boys are ruder/nastier, but it is unusual for a girl to only have boys as friends. Is your DD being excluded from friendship with the girls and/or nicer children?

Original poster

snottagecheese · 28/10/2015 09:26

He's not at her school any more - he moved at the beginning of this school year, so they were at school together until very recently, but now their only opportunities to hang out are on playdates.

No, not all her friends are boys, in fact he's the only boy friend she has, all the others are girls, and that's the way it's always been - she's really not interested in any of the other boys in her class/year.

OP posts:

AbitSceptical · 28/10/2015 09:27

I find the phrase, 'In our house...' useful for cheeky behaviour.

e.g. 'in our house, children ask the adults for a snack (rather than help themselves)', 'in our house, we stay sitting at the table for our meals', 'in our house, children who are rude don't get to play on the X-box', etc.

I've never had one who was truly awful and if I did I'd call the parent to come and get them.

AnonymousBird · 28/10/2015 09:28

I've had a bit of back chat, but nothing actively rude in itself, just perhaps cheeky. Shocked at some of this thread!! WOW. If my child did that I would definitely want to know, but as someone else said, the kids who behave like this have parents who probably DO NOT want to know and will resent it massively if you bring it up.

He'd be banned from this house, best friend or no best friend!

YouTheCat · 28/10/2015 09:42

Snottage, it's pretty clear he gets his attitude from his parents' ineffective parenting.

It is as easy as not allowing him in the house, even if he is your dd's best friend. If there is a next time, he needs to be given one chance to behave and not be a nasty little bully and then be told he'll be taken home and not be coming back. If that upsets your dd then she needs to start telling him that his behaviour towards her brother is not on and not colluding in it.

MerryInthechelseahotel · 28/10/2015 09:49

I have had some gems in my time as mum and foster carer. One boy said "Mrs merry where is your swimming pool? " I told him I keep it in the (local) town! I asked my ds if he had said he had one but he hadn't and this boy came from an ordinary family and home!

But I have found over the years that 6 or 7 is sometimes a cheeky age especially for boys! I've had visitors that age who have just blanked me and ignored me eg walk upstairs directly after me saying don't go upstairs. I've also heard some huge boasts from them. Luckily all mine have just shrugged when friends have boasted.

Flip

1 2 3 4