To want to kiss this mother's feet

[Imogenlasting]

A lot of kids the same age on our road, constantly in and out of each others' houses. As a result, trying to limit your own child's screen time is really difficult because they just call around to a friend's house, whose allowed screen time is different, and watch stuff on their ipad instead.

One of the mums has asked if a group of us whose children hang around together would be interested in getting together to co-ordinate allowed times on screens so that wherever the kids gather, they will still only be glued to tablets, phones etc for the allowed number of hours per day.

My sister, who I told about it, thinks it's a daft idea, but after a wet bank holiday weekend here in Dublin AIBU to think it's a great plan.

I think that's a really good idea. Although I think it will be tough to find a mutual ground in practice - but I hope it does work out.

Genius idea!

Is this in response to an actual problem or are these limits arbitrary?

We all seem to have iPhones so group message regularly. If one has been banned from screen time or told they need some time outside everyone follows it. Works fine :)

They will all end up around the one house whose parents don't impose an arbitrary limit.

This is usually my house

Disappointed, not sure what you're asking? It's a general problem on our road whereby it's difficult to limit your own child's screen time because the children spend so much time in and out of other children's houses where screens are also available.

I think it will be very difficult to organise.
Sorry, that sounds a bit defeatist l know.
Surely it would be better to stop letting the kids wonder in and out of each others houses?

But what's the reason for limiting the screen time? Is the time excessive because there are unwanted effects, eg violence etc, or because they're not doing other more worthwhile things available to them? If they're getting fresh air, doing homework, hobbies and socialising then limiting screen time around that seems unnecessary.

(We don't limit screen time. I've found that DD (5) has some days/weeks where she watches quite a lot of telly/plays on the iPad a lot and other days/weeks they are barely turned on. There seems to be a natural balance.)

The reason is because it becomes addictive and the children seize every opportunity they can to spend time on screen activities instead of playing games, running around, reading etc.

Then you're addressing a problem, which is absolutely reasonable. Good luck with finding an arrangement that works. :)

My kids were the same when they were that age Disappointing. But they are 8 and 10 now and that's a different ball game.

Sorry, x post.

You didn't say how old the kids were (and I almost said "I suspect this would be very different for 10 year old boys. ).

That sounds fine. On paper.

Isnt this best achieved by having a blanket ban on Ipads/screens if you have visitors, so that the children only get screentime when they are alone in their own homes?

I was thinking back to my youth, how kids these days are much calmer and never up to mischief. We were out playing in the dark, helping ourselves to carrots and strawberries and red currants and what not from neighbours gardens, while playing hide and seek, etc. We played outside the local yacht shop, inside the boats for sale, I remember once a boat fell over..... We broke into the local hospital basement, to check out what was in there. We found a derelict house with an open window, and of course had to explore. Others made "milk carton bombs" and set them off, smoked in the phone booths, shat and pissed. Graffiti. Grabbed hold of the back of passing cars, and stood on the snow holding on until we eventually had to let go. Climbed onto roofs of shops, the local dairy was a challenge in particular! Swung from tree to tree. Rang doorbells and run off. Threw snowballs on windows, and passing cars. We meant no harm, just having fun. I guess we were thugs!!!

These things dont happen anymore. I guess you can thank screen time.

Are you serious Quint? You really don't think there are kids around nowadays who do all those things? I wish I lived where you live

I think it is fine in theory. However it will give some of the parents an excuse to impose their ideas of parenting on the whole community, it seems unlikely that one solution will suit all the families all of the time and how will the group manage differences of opinion?
I think that it could become very divisive, but would love to be proved wrong. I think my concerns are mostly because it feels negative (imposing rules to stop people/children doing things) rather than positive (implementing ideas to encourage the children to do the things you would prefer them to be doing e.g. setting up a local "playing out" scheme, parents taking it in turns to do provide wholesome activities etc.)

I dunno, sounds complicated. I think I'd just say when friends are over no iPads etc. Easier.

I like the idea of it but in reality it's a bit meh.

I think it's a good idea, people have said it sounds complicated which it does a little. There is no harm in trying though.

I hope it works for you :)

I all sounds a bit inflexible and unworkable to me, I could never get that worked up over little things. Encourage them to do other fun things, help them bake, make something or just go off and play a board game together but to try to impose a neighbourhood wide co-ordination of screen time will probably fail within days.

I know it mightn't work but I think it's worth trying. The idea of no ipads when friends are over could mean friends being made to feel unwelcome if the call over when the kids are in the middle of something on the tablet.

We went on holidays this summer with extended family to a rented house in a remote part of the country with crap broadband. The kids and their cousins were outside all day playing ball games and making dens in the garden and forming secret societies and looking for adventures and mysteries to solve. On the odd rainy day they tore around upstairs playing hide and seek, or put on plays, or took out Cluedo and Monopoly, or swapped books and lolled around reading.

We noticed for a few days after we came home they spend much less time pestering to be allowed use the ipad, but then its old 'hold' took over again .

It should work ok, so long as all parents of all kids agree to stick to the same times - e.g. screen time allowed between, say 4:30 and 5pm and no more - but it's only going to take one parent to not stick to it for it to fall apart, sadly.

Good luck with it though.

It all sounds a bit inflexible tbh. What happens if a parent thinks no it's alright, I've changed my mind, I'm not that bothered - will their child be ousted from the group? Its screen time not crack.