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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To want to kiss this mother's feet

57 replies

Imogenlasting · 27/10/2015 10:42

A lot of kids the same age on our road, constantly in and out of each others' houses. As a result, trying to limit your own child's screen time is really difficult because they just call around to a friend's house, whose allowed screen time is different, and watch stuff on their ipad instead.

One of the mums has asked if a group of us whose children hang around together would be interested in getting together to co-ordinate allowed times on screens so that wherever the kids gather, they will still only be glued to tablets, phones etc for the allowed number of hours per day.

My sister, who I told about it, thinks it's a daft idea, but after a wet bank holiday weekend here in Dublin AIBU to think it's a great plan.

OP posts:

SeveredHeadsDragOnTheFloor · 27/10/2015 12:13

Personally, I think it sounds completely unworkable and somewhat control freaky.

Original poster

Imogenlasting · 27/10/2015 12:16

I don't think it's control freaky. It's a group of about five mothers, whose children are part of a close knit group of friends, trying to co-ordinate allowed screen time to encourage our children to play when they're together instead of being glued to screens.

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Witchend · 27/10/2015 12:21

I don't limit screen time, and would find that irritating. It's bad enough trying to sort out your own kids without having to sort out others. I don't find it an issue, and I have a range of dc from 14 down to 8. Currently dc1 is going up to the shops t buy eggs so she can bake, dc2 is reading having been doing crafts earlier, and dc3 is arranging his toy soldiers round the lounge ready for war... Later they're planning on playing monopoly together, dc3 wants to play tennis and dc2 is going bowling with friends.
I find not limiting screen time means they crave it less.

Original poster

Imogenlasting · 27/10/2015 12:26

I wish that could be our experience Witchend, but it really isn't. I had to drag my two away from watching 'Victorious' on the ipad to make toffee popcorn earlier. Their dad has now taken them to visit his parents and the ipad will be put away in a cupboard until 5 this evening [sigh].

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YouveCatToBeKittenMe · 27/10/2015 12:30

Snort at it's screen time not crack

parent of unhealthy screen obsessed teen

Grapejuicerocks · 27/10/2015 12:32

It sounds great if you are all on the same page. I can't see it working unless you all feel strongly about it. I've mooted a couple of similar things before but other people have never really been keen.

Sparklingbrook · 27/10/2015 12:39

I wouldn't want to spend the school holidays laying down the law to other peoples children about anything, or dealing with any associated whining from them as a result.

Original poster

Imogenlasting · 27/10/2015 12:41

I don't think I'd be 'laying down the law' to other people's children. Their own parents would have banned screens at certain times and they would find that it was the same if they called to my house.

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Original poster

Imogenlasting · 27/10/2015 12:43

Grape so far out of the four other parents she's contacted, three of us have said 'definitely' we want to give it a try. The fourth is on holidays, but I know from conversations we've had that she's equally fed up with discovering her children have circumvented rules re screen time by just calling around to another friend's house.

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Shodan · 27/10/2015 12:46

I don't really understand this, tbh.

Surely your children (and I mean the whole group's children) have been taught basic manners? If you have guests round, you don't sit there gawking at the TV/playing on your tablet, you entertain them. If you don't feel like entertaining, you say you'll catch up with them later, or something.

I don't know. We don't limit screen time. When the children have had friends over, they've played with them (until teenage years, when they would have occasional xBox sessions.) I agree with Witchend-I believe limiting screen time does make them crave it more.

Original poster

Imogenlasting · 27/10/2015 12:48

I don't think young children see it as 'having guests' to be honest. They just run in and out of each others' houses.

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Original poster

Imogenlasting · 27/10/2015 12:49

Sorry, I meant to add, then they use the screens together, as a group, which defeats the purpose of individual parents saying their kids are to put away the screens and go and play with their friends.

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Supermanspants · 27/10/2015 12:53

Co-ordinating screen time on a residential street.
I've heard it all now.
If screen time is so damaging then perhaps it's time to ban your kids from visiting other's houses.
Alternatively just tell the kids no gadgets.
I echo the comment re: crack.

Original poster

Imogenlasting · 27/10/2015 12:56

We're not co-ordinating it on the whole street. Just thinking that 5 of us whose kids are always in and out of each others houses would help each other out by trying to co-ordinate allowed screen time. All of us limit it as it is, to roughly the same amount of time every week, so we just think this might be worth a go.

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Sparklingbrook · 27/10/2015 12:59

It will be a very interesting meeting. Will it be a majority vote about when the screentime is allowed/not allowed? What if you can't all agree?

Original poster

Imogenlasting · 27/10/2015 13:02

Well if we can't all agree obviously the idea will be dropped or just confined to the families that are in agreement. No one's trying to impose anything on other families, (and how could we?) We are just wondering if this might work and who might be interested in getting involved..

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minipie · 27/10/2015 13:03

Hmm I think it sounds like a good idea in theory but will be way too complicated in practice.

I think it's simpler, and better, to have a rule that the screen goes off if a friend comes round to play.

If child A decides they'd rather watch their screen than play with visiting friend, then the friend will - as you say - feel unwelcome. The friend will (I presume) head home or off to someone else's house instead. Eventually child A will realise that they need to put the screen away if they want their friends to come over. Not a bad lesson to learn...

Johnny5isAlive · 27/10/2015 13:05

I like the idea OP. I think if the kids are playing together day in, day out that you need to try and limit screen time. If this only happened once or twice a week then I'd be inclined to not bother

DinosaursRoar · 27/10/2015 13:06

I would have 'no gadets when you have a guest' rule - if you just want to watch TV, you don't need company and your friend can leave.

Seems much more sensible and easier to enforce. They want to be together, then they have to play together.

Namechanger2015 · 27/10/2015 13:18

I think its a great idea, and it's lovely your children have close friends they can pop in and out of. Limit screen time to say 4-5pm and wherever they are they stick to it? Sounds quite workable and a good idea to me.

HeartsTrumpDiamonds · 27/10/2015 13:54

The posters saying that limiting screen time just makes it more attractive / having limits makes the DC crave it more - unfortunately that is definitely not the case in our house. I think some DC can take it or leave it, others can't. Mine are definitely in the latter category! DD2 especially (she is 9) would spend 14 hours a day on her device if we let her. When they were younger they definitely self regulated more and we didn't need to be as strict.

Our current rule is no screens during the week, unless needed for homework. Our rules morph all the time. DD2's school just gave ll the girls an iPad for class work and homework so that has been interesting.

Anyways, OP I think it is a brilliant idea. I hope it works but I can't quite see the logistics - if the kids are at yours and you allow them the say 30 minute limit for that day, then they decamp to neighbour X's house, how are the grownups there to know that the kids have already used their limit?

HeartsTrumpDiamonds · 27/10/2015 14:06

The big problem we have is that they do play together on their gadgets - using the device as a toy - making videos, playing Minecraft etc. If we cut off DD1 entirely, she would not be able to communicate with her friends (Instagram, snapchat, iMessage) and would feel left out of the social group.

WhitePhantom · 27/10/2015 14:07

I think it's a great idea, and can't see why people think it's remotely complicated.

The kids play 'non-screen' stuff for some of the time they're together, but also get to play screen stuff for some of the time. And you all discuss (and hopefully agree on) a time, eg. between 4pm and 5pm they can have a free-for-all with screens, whichever house they happen to be in.

Very complicated indeed!!

Original poster

Imogenlasting · 27/10/2015 14:08

Hearts I think the idea is more that we all agree, for instance, that screen time is allowed between five and six on a weekday, and for an hour on Sat and Sun morning and another hour after dinner or somesuch.

I doubt it will work like clockwork, but I am just hoping it will reduce the amount of time they spend on screens overall, and increase the amount of time they spend on good old fashioned playing.

I agree that limiting screen time makes it more attractive isn't a general rule with all kids. My children would be on it 12 hours a day if let .

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Original poster

Imogenlasting · 27/10/2015 14:09

That's exactly how we anticipate it working whitephantom.

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