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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To teach my children that sometimes you give up

118 replies

Shazziedazzie · 27/10/2015 09:31

Why are some people so keen on "never giving up" and its so important to teach your children to never give up?

Sometimes giving up is the best thing to do and its wasting time and preventing progression by continuing. I've given up on jobs and relationships many times, was totally the right idea. If anything I should of given up on them sooner!

OP posts:

Supermanspants · 27/10/2015 16:25

'Winners never quit and quitters never win.
But those who never win and never quit are idiots'

David Brent

YANBU OP.
I have tried to teach my kids that it is ok to give up rather than destroy your happiness and well being.

elfycat · 27/10/2015 16:40

Ignoring all that has come before (possibly with misspellings as there has been half a bottle of wine in my recent past).

Hi OP... on topic....

Giving up is IMO a good thing if you have considered the whole situation and realised that the goal was a wrong'un. It is a character strength to be able to adjust your plans and be as flexible as life requires you to be.

Not to give up at the first hurdle. Not to use 'well I couldn't because...' to get out of difficult times. Never to give up a dream because it might be a bit hard. But because something has changed at a fundamental level in your whole life? Yes, but don't think of it as giving up - the goal shifts, a new goal arises. If there is no new goal... then you need to look at the problem and rethink.

Imogenlasting · 27/10/2015 16:41

YANBU. With most things in life it's good to give things a reasonable chance, then admit if it's not working out and quit if it's something not very important, and look for alternative solutions if it is.

But plodding on miserably in a job you absolutely hate, or with an activity you realise you are no good at, or a lifestyle that is all wrong for you, makes no sense whatsoever.

And it is incredibly rude to come onto a thread and correct other people's grammar and spelling. If someone said 'should of' to you in real life would you rudely correct them on the grounds that you don't want your children to think that's correct English?
I agree, though, that it's hard to understand why such posts are deleted but posts where personal insults are being thrown at another poster are allowed stand. I have reported some posts that were just breathtakingly nasty and spiteful but because they don't actually contravene some written MN policy, they are not removed.

EnaSharplesHairnet · 27/10/2015 16:41

Oh dear, an unnecessary apostrophe in my thanks..

maybebabybee · 27/10/2015 16:43

If someone said 'should of' to you in real life would you rudely correct them on the grounds that you don't want your children to think that's correct English?

Quite.

DisappointedOne · 27/10/2015 22:17

Dad most certainly gets corrected if she says "putted", "eated" etc (she's 5) as its part of our jobs as parents to get that right. I don't seem to meet anyone that says "should of" etc, although probability is that some of them would write it that way (given the prevalence on here/FB and so on). But I haven't seen it. I may well correct it if I heard or read it, in the same way that I'd hope someone would correct me if I got something slightly wrong (in Welsh, generally). Clearly some think it's close to breaching human rights to suggest a point of grammar is incorrect.

DisappointedOne · 27/10/2015 22:17

*DD, not dad.

Hassled · 27/10/2015 22:23

My favourite Homer Simpson quote: "If at first you don't succeed, give up" :o
Sometimes giving up takes more courage than persisting.

AwfulBeryl · 27/10/2015 22:33

why don't you just give up ? Honestly, you've made you point - several times. The whole bloody thread has been derailed, MN have deleted your posts and you're still at it.

Some people just don't get grammar, you're not doing them a favour nor will you "make them think twice about posting correctly next time"
I bet there's things that you're not any good at, things you just don't get, things that other people just let go because it's a decent thing to do.

DisappointedOne · 27/10/2015 22:44

IT WASN'T ME THAT DERAILED THE THREAD - you can't see it now that is to the MNHQ pruning but I did actually answer the OP's question before mentioning - gently - anything to do with the grammar.

Others have specifically asked questions which I'm now answering. I suspect I'd be labelled "extremely rude" if I didn't.

DisappointedOne · 27/10/2015 22:44

*thanks to

(Have taken contacts out so not seeing autocorrect.)

BYOSnowman · 27/10/2015 22:51

It's Shackleton vs Scott

AwfulBeryl · 27/10/2015 22:52

Actually I read the thread way before MN deleted your comments, I had one deleted myself for calling you a cunt. Sorry about that btw, it also derailed the thread and was ott.
I still thing you're out of order for correcting grammar on a forum, it didn't come across as being lighthearted to me, but we will never agree - so I am going to leave it now

EnaSharplesHairnet · 27/10/2015 22:54

Yes BYO, I learned to admire Shackleton.

Laureline · 27/10/2015 22:58

You might find this article and podcsat from Freakonomics interesting:

The Upside of Quitting

freakonomics.com/2011/09/30/new-freakonomics-radio-podcast-the-upside-of-quitting/

EnaSharplesHairnet · 27/10/2015 23:02

I'm reminded of my Mum's mantra which is,

"Play it by ear."

Essentially be prepared to adapt your plans according to the situation.

FithColumnist · 27/10/2015 23:11

The most important lesson ever imparted to me by my father was as follows:

"Sod it."

If it's not worth doing, don't fucking do it. (Outside of primary schools) there's no prizes for "trying hard". When I was a kid, I really wanted to do well at football. It so happens that I'm fucking shit at it: my dad told me this, told me to jack it in and also told me that I should concentrate on my rugby, which is where I actually shone.

If your DC realises she's a bit pants at something, then just suck it up, tell him he's a bit crap and point her in the direction of something that he's actually good at.

SecretWitch · 27/10/2015 23:19

Op, I hope you can see past the grammar cunts on this thread and get a satisfactory answer to your question. I will work very hard to attain the goals I set for myself but also try to understand my limits. I can take all the skiing lessons I want ( and I will!!) but I'm never going to be more than a mediocre skier. I don't give up on skiing because I love it. The guitar lessons and practise went after the year one...I knew I was not destined to join Van Halen anytime in this life. The expense and aggravation of learning to play were not worth it to me. Life is too short to keep banging at something you don't love.

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