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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

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Original poster

To teach my children that sometimes you give up

118 replies

Shazziedazzie · 27/10/2015 09:31

Why are some people so keen on "never giving up" and its so important to teach your children to never give up?

Sometimes giving up is the best thing to do and its wasting time and preventing progression by continuing. I've given up on jobs and relationships many times, was totally the right idea. If anything I should of given up on them sooner!

OP posts:

KittyVonCatsworth · 27/10/2015 12:45

VulcanWoman, I love this too
'Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The courage to change the things I can,
And the wisdom to know the difference.'

Sadly it's something I only came across it via a work colleague 2 years ago when I was in the middle of a work induced breakdown...before then I thought giving up was a weakness. Even sadder is that I raised my daughter to 'never give up' of which I'm trying to rectify now.

maybebabybee · 27/10/2015 12:49

Do people genuinely have nothing better to say on a thread than to correct someone's grammar?

DisappointedOne · 27/10/2015 12:51

Erm, it wasn't my only comment.........

maybebabybee · 27/10/2015 12:53

Why bother mentioning at all? Why does a stranger's grammar on an anonymous internet forum matter?

LisbethSalandersLaptop · 27/10/2015 12:54

" They might think twice before typing it next time.

Not my fault it sticks out like a sore, grammatically awkward, thumb."

Have you got any idea how arsey and petty you sound? so someone writes 'could of'? Who really gives a fuck? Are you better at English than OP disappointed? Well maybe she is better at other things than you are, ever thought of that? Like getting on with people?

WoodHeaven · 27/10/2015 12:54

I think that giving up has very negative connotations and is applied for too many situations.
Eg it's used when someone stops trying because they can't be bothered or doesn't want to do the effort.
It's also used when someone stops something because they dont enjoy it or would prefer to do something else. Or because doing that is causing them undue distress.

I dont think that 'giving up' should be used in the second case. It's perfectly fine to stop doing something that is making you miserable. A good example for me would be staying in an unhappy marriage because you do t want to give up.

The skill is to know when you should stop!
In the example of a marriage, there is a point when you are doing all the work and nothing is changing. Then it's wise to stop and say 'it's not working'.
On the other side, I think it's a shame 'to give up' when things are changing in the right way, albeit slowly.
The skill is to know when you have gone to standstill and when things are still getting better.
In effect, the skill is to know when you will reap the results of your efforts and when carry on is just being stubborn

VenusRising · 27/10/2015 13:04

I also thought Disappointed was lighthearted with her comment.
It's ironic, innit?

I wonder has the OP quit the thread?

Gatehouse77 · 27/10/2015 13:15

I agree OP.

Likewise 'practise makes perfect' isn't always true/valid. I have been wrapping gifts for over 30 years and I accept that I am truly crap at it

It's about accepting your own personal limitations, understanding your weaknesses and realising that your potential isn't the same as everyone else's.

Learning to deal with failure (but I'm not saying that giving up is necessarily a failure, it can be a positive step) is just as important as dealing with success.

JassyRadlett · 27/10/2015 13:20

Oh Lord, why does everyone have to haul on their judgy pants and derail threads just because someone makes a lighthearted (and justifiable) reference to a grammatical solecism?

'Grammatical solecism' is redundant.

In the spirit of how some people want to take the thread, you understand.

OP - YANBU. I was invited back to speak at my old school a few years back. My entire speech was about how changing your mind about what you wanted to do with your life was entirely about how changing your mind about what you wanted to do with your life was often a very positive thing. I could feel the teachers wincing...

ScarletRuby2 · 27/10/2015 13:21

I completely agree with Colditz, yes I would say it to 'someone's face and yes I have given up caring what people think about it. Grammar IS important.

ScarletRuby2 · 27/10/2015 13:23

Gatehouse I'm crap at ironing but great at wrapping presents. Fancy negotiating?

ThenLaterWhenItGotDark · 27/10/2015 13:49

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Orrery · 27/10/2015 13:52

One of the best pieces of career advice I ever had 'Don't be afraid to quit and find something better' - sadly also the best advice I never took. Stayed in a job I hated far too long, ground myself into a nervous wreck purely so I could say I stuck it out til the VERY bitter end (fixed contract) and wasted everyone's time. I think I kept going from 'just around the next corner' syndrome, when in fact I think it was obvious I was running on a treadmill that was never going to change.

Agree with VulcanWoman - know the difference between giving up because things are just wrong, and giving up too early because it's too hard.

DisappointedOne · 27/10/2015 15:05

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

DisappointedOne · 27/10/2015 15:06

(I commented on a learned issue, not one of personality, by the way. Are you aware of the difference?)

MNHQ

YetAnotherHelenMumsnet · 27/10/2015 15:10

Hi all,
Thanks to those who reported, actually we don't really think that correcting grammar is in the spirit of the site, certainly not when a poster is asking for advice on an entirely different matter. So we're going to make a few deletions.

AwfulBeryl · 27/10/2015 15:14

I think we should ignore the goady fuckery that's going on here. The op probably won't bother coming back now anyway (probably given up on it as a lost cause, good call op), but it's a bit crap that yet another thread has been derailed by this kind of shit.

AwfulBeryl · 27/10/2015 15:15

good call MN.

ScarletRuby2 · 27/10/2015 15:15

I think this is actually really disappointing. Grammar should matter. People would have been very quick to point out if there were other things that were wrong on the OP. This is an Internet forum, it should not be the responsibility of MNHQ to police opinions.

DisappointedOne · 27/10/2015 15:19

Ah, mumsnet. Great example of giving up. Bravo. Wll al b spkn txt spk b4 u no it.

maybebabybee · 27/10/2015 15:19

scarlet this is a place where people post for support, not to have their language policed. If the OP had posted saying 'please could you comment on my writing in this post to check it for grammatical errors' then fine, but she didn't.

I have seen threads where the OP is quite clearly distressed where some snide poster has come along to point out a grammatical or spelling error in their OP that has got nothing to do with anything.

I have an English degree and I fucking despise this kind of spelling/grammar nazism.

ThenLaterWhenItGotDark · 27/10/2015 15:20

There is a place those of us who are interested in grammar, without being cunts, hang out ScarletRuby. It's called Pedants' Corner. That's the place to talk about language, errors and all. Not on a totally unrelated thread.

Oddly, (or maybe not) you don't find people like DO over there. Because we don't get our rocks off by bullying and hectoring people because of our perceived linguistic superiority.

did you mean in the OP btw?

ThenLaterWhenItGotDark · 27/10/2015 15:22

I'd like it on record that I have been deleted for attacking DO, not the OP btw.

for the OP is she is still reading.

DisappointedOne · 27/10/2015 15:27

So you keep the linguists in one place? How does that help when general standards are so shockingly low? Let 99% of the site go to shit but have perfectly constructed posts locked away on a virtual cupboard?!

Sazzle41 · 27/10/2015 15:28

I know what you mean but I wouldnt call it 'giving up' tho OP. Thats sounds defeatist/negative. I dont know how best to word it but something along the lines of : if a situation isnt working even tho you have tried everything its best to think I have tried my best but its not worked, so its time to move on.

Learning to realise not everything will work out and mistakes and setbacks are part of life which you learn & move on from was something i wasnt taught. Its caused me real problems in that i take minor 'stuff' far too badly/as a sign that i am incapable of doing anything right/spend hours beating myself up over crap that other people would just shrug about.

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