Rita Ora - 'It wasn't abuse because I wanted it'

[GloriaSmellens]

Daily Mail link warning

www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3288177/I-abused-14-says-Rita-Ora.html#comments-3288177

So Rita Ora has said that when she was 14, she had a relationship with a 26 year old man. But that it wasn't abuse because she 'wanted it' and that if anything it gave her more confidence I think this was something she said a while.ago, but has been dug up and been put into a new biography?

If she is just going to minimise this, then what is the point of putting it out there in the public, surely it serves to do absolutely nothing than giving totally the wrong message to her target audience? What kind of 26 year old bloke wants to go out with a 14 year old.anyway? Between this and her admiration for Chris Brown she is going down in my estimations at a rapid rate!

I said it above so don't want to repeat myself but the minute she opens her mouth and says 'yes i was abused' is the minute she starts getting tweets, comments online, a the newspaper comments section etc all saying that she is attention seeking, it's not rape, rape is being held down in a dark alley, she was old enough to say she wanted it. I could go on. Because I have sat in a room full of people who were discussing a local scandal where a teacher was sleeping with his 15yo pupil. 'She knew what she was doing' 'silly girl ruined his life' 'I'd have her strung up the silly bitch' we're just a few of the comments.

If an older, more respected celeb (I don't know, Olivia Coleman or someone of that Ilk) said they had been groomed/abused then they would receive support, adoration, oh isn't it awful. But the Rita generation - the Mileys, Selenas of the world - are criticised much more harshly.

I totally disagree with this. I think people are far more understanding and empathetic of abuse situations these days, especially since Yewtree, and she'd have received support all round. There'd always be the odd few wankers who would say the above but it wouldn't have been the general opinion

Really no. It would be lovely if that were true but did you go online during the Ched Evans fiasco? Do you ever venture into the comments section on the Daily Mail or look at comments under YouTube videos?? It's pretty ducking depressing. We have a long way to go.

Rita ora is not a role model i wish people would stop putting responsibility for our teenagers on pop singers it is ridiculous if your 14 year old daughter is a Rita fan then its up to you to talk to your teenagers about inappropriate relationships

Actually, in the video linked up thread where she made the original comments, she is captioned as 'Rita Ora - role model and songstress'.

Rita ora is not a role model i wish people would stop putting responsibility for our teenagers on pop singers it is ridiculous if your 14 year old daughter is a Rita fan then its up to you to talk to your teenagers about inappropriate relationships

Wether she intends to be or not she is a role model - young women look up to her and aspire to be her. Nobody says she's responsible for anyone's teenager but she needs to take responsibility for what comes out of her mouth and how it may affect others. The way anyone does in everyday life. Parents often fight a losing battle with their teens so it's not as simple as "tell your daughter not to do it"

Err...

Fucking Nora, Mumsnet!

It's one thing to look at this from an outside point of view and say, "er, that's definitely child abuse", but viewing something as child abuse and then condemning the victim for not completely agreeing it was abuse? She may be famous, and a role model, but do you think that gives her magical powers to re-evaluate her life experiences at speed. It is common for victims of child abuse not to realise it qualified as abuse for years.

Perhaps, for an encore, we could have a thread asking AIBU to wonder why victims of domestic violence often go back to the abuser after leaving the first few times? Or what about AIBU to wonder why rape victims blame themselves?

IVolunteer I tend not to look at DM comments as it infuriates me. Yes I read the odd comment but thought the victim received good support Following the rapists release. Look at the boycott threats from fans, patrons pulling out of supporting clubs etc. It could always be better but I think when it comes to abuse we are progressing slowly but surely

Well just seen a tweet 'newsflash guys, woman remembers what happened the way it actually happened!' With a link to the abuse story. I shit you not the Twitter account is apparently trying to get 'justice for Jimmy Saville'. Someone has replied saying 'good, women normally are brainwashed into thinking something they enjoyed was wrong'
I don't even know where to begin !!!

Also the Sun are calling it 'Rita's sex shock'

Vom.

theinomparable

Applause. I agree wholeheartedly.

I know its hard to talk to teenagers because we know nothing obviously. we know she was exploited and abused and i think it is important that kids know that they can be exploited by people older than them this shouldnt land on the shoulders of pop singers like Rita Ora save the bile for the scum bag who abused a 14yr old child.

But then, as someone said upthread, if she doesn't view it as abuse (fair enough) then why did she bring it up in the first place? What does it achieve for anyone, apart from to give a message that relationships between 14 year olds and 26/year olds are 'ok'?

IVolunteer that is disgusting - and shame on the Sun! I still think had she worded it differently she'd have a different response - even if it's just a little every bit of progress counts.

gloria honestly just watch the video interview this all came from on the previous page that I posted, it's a Vimeo link. It does make it all make a bit more sense.

Oh bugger it I'll link again
[https://vimeo.com/89965575]

Haha semi link fail!

Many people prefer to use the term survivor

Victim for some is tied in with being weak

It should not of course but when we also use terms such as playing the victim I can understand why for some the word is not something they want to associate themselves with

In the vid the interviewer says 'you're a fighter! You're a survivor' in relation to her life story as a whole not just the one incident, but you can in my opinion tell that the interviewer thinks it was abusive/wrong/concerning however you can't put words into someone's mouth.

Look at the American groupies(i cant remember their names) young girls hanging about bands touring with them as playthings these women often say it was fun we enjoyed it when other people looking in are shuddering at the thought.

I think it sounds awful but her feelings are her own. I don't understand why people are suggesting she needs to think about the impact on others as she has no obligation to anyone but herself.

Do you know what you cant blame her being a role model on what your own kids are doing.Its not a get out of jail card.She is not a role model,she is an ordinary woman having her own experiences.It doesnt have to be right for anybody else.But its right for her.

And all that crap she slept her way to the top,so what if she did.It no one elses business.

IVolunteer oh boak - those Twitter comments! I've just read this whole thread, thinking it's not just the possibility of impressionable teenage girls agreeing with RO I'm worried about; it's also the older men that are going to think their pervy desires and/or actions towards much much younger females are ok, validated. How depressing. Things like this set us back years.

I'm not blaming Rita Ora (and haven't had the opportunity to watch the original video linked to above) but her words are being interpreted and used for an agenda.

I was taken advantage of as a young teenager. I feel like a chunk of my childhood was stolen from me. I have a teenage dd now, and have made sure she knows there is something wrong with men that take a sexual interest in teenagers much younger than them.

The problem is that you can manipulate children into wanting anything and they'll think it was their idea.

My parents got me a cat growing up. My dad had already picked one out, but convinced me it was the best one, played with it, talked it up, and let me pick. I picked the one he talked up. I believed I made that choice until I found out he had that cat picked out before we ever left year and years later (and he was right, it was a good friendly cat that was great with kids). But for the longest time I was certain I picked him out of my own choice.

That's the point. You can convince kids they want something very easily.

Just because a child "wanted" something, doesn't mean it was ok.

I don't understand why people are suggesting she needs to think about the impact on others as she has no obligation to anyone but herself

Of course she has an obligation...not to see herself as a victim, but she admitted it was child abuse [although she didn't see it as such at the time], and anyone who has a public platform who wants to go around saying how "ok" they are they with what happened to them, when what happened to them is commonly viewed as child abuse, OWES it to the public, young girls & boy at least to make sure they don't fall into the same trap. ESPECIALLY in light of how easy it is to stumble upon sexual imagery etc.

It is an ongoing daily battle to make society see that rape & abuse isn't acceptable. NO matter who is was, what the circumstance!

Why does RO get to shout about her abuse, but also be free of any responsibility to society to get the message home that is isn't OK? She doesn't have to be a victim, her own personal way of seeing it doesn't have to change, but her public message bloody well should, or she should stop sharing these dangerous little "ditties" from her past!

Because yes, it WILL confuse girls & we will get the "but RO is OK with it, so I should be too" or "well RO was ok with it, so YOU should be too"

No matter who it was, No matter what the circumstance!

Hmmm, I watched the video. I can see the set up was supposed to be about 'sistas sharing experiences on the sofa' with Amanda Decadenet appearing to take on the role of 'friendly therapist'. But the fact is this was a televised publicity interview and I still think Rita gave the wrong message. Having watched the video I do get what she was trying to say a bit more now and my OP was probably too harsh on her, I will admit that, so thank you for the link IV. But ultimately the message that will come out of it is that she thinks relationships like this are 'ok'.

Because yes, it WILL confuse girls & we will get the "but RO is OK with it, so I should be too" or "well RO was ok with it, so YOU should be too"

But this isn't the fault of Rita Ora. It is the fault of the sex offender that groomed her so successfully that she believes this.

As i said upthread - this happened to me. I would have sworn black was white and that it wasn't abuse because i "wanted" it. It was only in the last couple of years that i realised what had happened to me was wrong and had a detrimental affect on my mental health.

Also, this opens doors yet again for rapists, especially those grooming young girls to say "well, she wanted it" "she looked and acted so much older"

I wasn't going to post on this thread again as I found some of the comments (not the OP) very triggering and upsetting but then i turn on facebook today and the press coverage is pretty grim.

No wonder young girls grow up with a confused sense of self worth.

We are part of this society that allows this. We need it to stop.

And to those who say "but its up to YOU to ensure your children are safe and don't get into inappropriate relationships, its nothing to do with the media" You are wrong - we as adults are influenced by the media all of the time, advertising companies will snap up someone with a psych degree because they want to manipulate you into buying their stuff. We buy into "lifestyles" all the time. We respond quite nicely to marketing for alcohol even though we know we are pickling our livers. So it adults are vulnerable to media influence then how on earth can we expect children not to be.

Maybe if the media stopped sexualising young girls and young women then maybe we would have half a chance, but all the while someone has money to make from this (fashion designers, magazines etc) well, thanks Mrs Pankhurst for all of your sacrifice but honestly, i wonder why you bothered sometimes.