Rita Ora - 'It wasn't abuse because I wanted it'

[GloriaSmellens]

Daily Mail link warning

www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3288177/I-abused-14-says-Rita-Ora.html#comments-3288177

So Rita Ora has said that when she was 14, she had a relationship with a 26 year old man. But that it wasn't abuse because she 'wanted it' and that if anything it gave her more confidence I think this was something she said a while.ago, but has been dug up and been put into a new biography?

If she is just going to minimise this, then what is the point of putting it out there in the public, surely it serves to do absolutely nothing than giving totally the wrong message to her target audience? What kind of 26 year old bloke wants to go out with a 14 year old.anyway? Between this and her admiration for Chris Brown she is going down in my estimations at a rapid rate!

Don't the laws also exist though to protect children from themselves? If you were to go into any secondary school ( and sorry MN but its as common in naice leafy comps, private schools, grammars as it is in the rougher school) then a major topic of conversation is sex, its also a major issue in terms of what children are getting up to.

MOST kids lie about their sexual experience but even when I was that age ( long long ago) some kids were up to this sort of thing, in fact I think it was worse cause we were in pubs aged 14/15 and men who were in their 20s and even 30s were fair game for us and us them.

The law exists to stop kids like we were, who think they know it all, from being able to act on it, or at least from older people from exploiting that naivity.

Kids today also have far more access and knowledge than we did in the past to info, to imagery. You would not believe the stories that come from child protection in my school, you could reckon that there are inapporpriate images of half or just under half of the girls in the upper years floating about somewhere, everything from fairly innocent in their underwear to full nudes, to videos of masturbation (girls would have rather died than admit to that when I was at school).

They do need some protecting, as they all know so much better.

I giveth not a shit blanche

i had a 26yo boyfriend at 15. I met him out at a pub and flirted with him and I set my sights on him

And he couldn't say no?

YY longtime

I totally agree, the law removes personal opinion and feelings and sets a standard we are expected to live by and although a child may not appreciate the importance of that law the adult absolutely should. Therefore if they choose to ignore that law (and this is where the difficulty of proof they knew they were underage) then they diserve to be held to account to it.

Perhaps it just hasn't occured to her that it was abusive. I was in a relationship with a much older man at 16, it took a friend 15 years later telling me it was abusive for me to see it like that.

fanjo he totally did and is technically a sex offender in the eye of the law.

But I do not need MNers wringing there hands telling me I was groomed or abused.

If she feels she wasn't abused, and is content, that's great for her.

But nonetheless she was abused!

I don't want her 14 year old fans to read this, and think that approaches by grown men are in any way ok.

I agree scarlets

As a sleb she does need to be very careful what she says. As a mother of a nearly 14 year old dd, its worrying that she may think its ok.

We don't need emotive terms. A girl of 15 or 14 in a consensual sexual relationship who has sex under the age of 16 in the UK is breaking the law. That is the fact. Whether she feels abused or being abused is a totally separate issue.

SacredHeart Lolita is a novel about an abused child. It is narrated by a the abuser who puts his own spin on events to persuade us that she was gagging for it. It is not about a young girl joyfully embracing her sexuality.

I think many if us at 15 flirted with men in their 20's and wanted a relationship with them thinking we were mature beyond our years

Difference is most thankfully did not want any involvement with a child even if they were flattered in any way

Sorry loveandhate I get what you are saying

I giveth not a shit blanche

How pleasant!

tinklylittlelaugh

I was referring to 'the Lolita' archetype as opposed to Nabokov's character - apologies if that was not clear.

There are some very unsophisticated views about child abuse on this thread:

1. The UK age of consent is not 13, it is 16. (The judge who asserted otherwise earlier this year lost his job, if ppl remember)

1. Even if a child (under 16) 'wants' sex, they cannot consent because they are not deemed capable of consent.

1. Even if the male is only just over 16 with someone under 16, they are technically committing an offence and are in a grey legal area where they could be taken to court.

1. Although it is fortunate for RO and anyone else that has experienced abuse, that they do not feel like a victim, I really hope people DO NOT see this as admirable or commendable in some way.

They are fortunate, but their luck should not be used to make others feel weak or inadequate because they cannot 'move on'.

2. Even if a child (under 16) 'wants' sex, they cannot consent because they are not deemed capable of consent.

This is not true.

Rita can define what happened to her how she likes. The legal system, thankfully, has different definitions to describe scenarios such as hers. I am concerned by the message she is sending out by her statement, though, especially in light of the child sexual exploitation situations going on.

I think it is the grey area here that makes people a bit unsophisticated in their views what.

When I was aged 15-18 lots of girls had older boyfriends in their 20s, some who were much older than that, they were mostly perfectly happy at the time and wouldn't count themselves as victims.

I myself didn't, but I did have several (ahem outing my self as a wanton slut here) almost all the way encounters with men who were way older than me having met them in the pub that night, usually in a dark corner of a park or alley way, aged from about 15 onwards.

I think people remember this sort of thing and get a bit funny about it, but in the strict application of the law it was wrong.

I

For clarity, where the male is over 18(because there's a separate part of the SOA relating to 16-18 year olds, I think) :

If a girl is over 13, the man could be charged with "sexual activity with a child" and their defence could be that he thought she was over 16.

Under 13 - consent is off the legal table as in it doesn't matter whether a girl consents or not, it is still rape.

Over 13 - no consent, then it is rape. If there is consent, then it is what I describe above.

4. Although it is fortunate for RO and anyone else that has experienced abuse, that they do not feel like a victim, I really hope people DO NOT see this as admirable or commendable in some way. But it is commendable. She is not shackled by self hate, fear and loathing. She has not accepted 'victimhood'. For some women this is possible, why try to diminish it?

They are fortunate, but their luck should not be used to make others feel weak or inadequate because they cannot 'move on'. And, as far as I can see no one has done this. I did mention it, but in the context of it being odd that so many women seem to find it inconceivable, wrong, that a woman can survive abuse without feeling negated by it.

Don't you see that in trying to protect/defend the sensibilities of women who cannot feel the same way as RO you are condemning those who do?

It is possible to accept both responses without decrying either. That is what we should be doing, allowing all abused people the right to feel how they feel.

Someone upthread said they didn't want ROs fans to read her comments and think it was OK! Well I want ALL of her abused fans, and sadly it is highly likely that there will be some, to read her comments and know that they too could feel as free of shame and fear as she does. It might be useful for some of them to see her as a role model that way.

A girl of 15 or 14 in a consensual sexual relationship who has sex under the age of 16 in the UK is breaking the law. That is the fact

Ffs would people ever just think before posting? No, a 14/15 year old isn't breaking the law if they have sex. The person they are having sex with, presuming they are 16 or over, is breaking the law.

I lost my virginity when I was 14, to my bf who was 19 at the time. We were together until I was 17- and I outgrew him. We were sexually active for most of that time, and I fully wanted to be. I didn't have more social awareness on the night before my 16th birthday than I did the day after it. Everyone matures at different rates- my own DDs friends are a mixed bag of different levels of maturity.

A PP said: Although it is fortunate for RO and anyone else that has experienced abuse, that they do not feel like a victim, I really hope people DO NOT see this as admirable or commendable in some way.

Why not? There is a world of difference between a 14yo being groomed, and a 14yo having a willing and fulfilling sexual relationship. I don't feel like a victim of abuse. We loved each other, and I lost my virginity to someone I felt happy with. I wasn't pressured, coerced, or made to do anything I didn't want to. I was sexually mature, responsible with contraception, and I felt ready. I think that is preferable to a regretted drunken fumble to shed your V-Plates because all your friends have done and you think you're missing out. I refuse to be seen as a victim, for something that even 20years later I don't regret.

I really don't think there can be black and white on this issue

I really don't think there can be black and white on this issue

really there has to be to protect children

and would you be happy your daughter at 14 having a sexual relationship with a 19 year old or your son of 19 having a sexual relationship with a girl (child) of 14

or lets change it around a bit your son of 14 having a sexual relationship with a man of 19

*and would you be happy your daughter at 14 having a sexual relationship with a 19 year old or your son of 19 having a sexual relationship with a girl (child) of 14

or lets change it around a bit your son of 14 having a sexual relationship with a man of 19*

You may not be happy about it, but that doesn't mean you can necessarily prevent it. I tell my teenagers that it is hard to protect yourself emotionally but you can at least protect yourself physically by using a condom. Then at least you can work out the emotional issues without an unwanted pregnancy or SDI.

I certainly wouldn't want to put up barriers to them confiding in me by being cats bum mouth or judgey.

A 19 year old man having sex with a 14 year old child is breaking the law

I certainly would be making a judgement on a 19 year old man

Just because it happens does not mean we should have such a blasé attitude it allows too much abuse to go on