AIBU to be considering this as a punishment

[Redbookworm]

Last night my 11year old son broke his bed by messing about and jumping on it after being told to stop. He has snapped the side of his wooden bed and will need a new one. ( I have already had to buy a new tumble dryer and dishwasher this week as they both have given up working!)
I have told him he will need to pay to replace it but he doesn't have the money. I have said to him that we may cancel his party ( his birthday is in December) to pay for a new bed or he won't get a new bike for his birthday to pay for it.
We haven't decided yet on what consequence but I wonder if I am being too harsh and if so what is a suitable punishment.
I'm sure you wise women can help me!

December is too far away for a punishment. Id leave his mattress on the floor and write up a list of chores and how much they are worth. Say the frame is £100, he does that value worth of chores. In the meantime, save up for it.

If by his birthday he hasnt earnt enough through the chores then yes, change his gift to suit.

Can it definitely not be fixed? A piece of wood screwed over the broken joint to hold it in place?

As for punishment, if you haven't sent out invites for the party and the cost would cover the bed, this is the option I'd go for.

I don't think it can be fixed, the whole side wood bar is almost shattered!

Whey does everyone suggest chores to pay for things? The child is not losing anything by doing this unless they already get paid for chores. And the parent doesn't get the money to pay for the broken item out of nowhere by a reluctant 11 year old feeding the cat for three weeks.

You've told him there will be significant consequences for his behaviour so you need to carry through the action. If replacing the bed frame will cost bike plus party then so be it (presume mattress is ok).

Yes the mattress is fine. It would be the bike or the party not both. Do I give him the option of choosing which one he looses?

Bang the base on some pallets. Or put the mattress on the floor.

I'd make him sleep on the matress on the floor and sacrifice the bike.

Yes I could just put the mattress on the floor but surely he should have some consequences for what he has done???

I think I would do the same OP - and yes, perhaps give him the option. I really like 'natural consequences' wherever possible. And actually in your position I really wouldn't be able to afford a new bed plus an expensive bike plus a party. Other option would be to scale down the party to something cheaper and go for a second hand bike?

Buy him a secondhand Peppa Pig bed one

Oh I think that is harsh. I am ALL for giving kids a well needed kick up the arse but I did stupid stuff like this as a kid - they do.

I would be more inclined to write up a list of things he could have done with the money, but small things like cinema trips, nice food and so on, rather than completely take away something (Christmas birthdays can be tough for kids as it is!)

I think I'd just have him on mattress on floor for a few months until I could find the £30 for a new bed.

the whole side wood bar is almost shattered

DH is handy & could replace something like that, although not for much less than £30. I understand I'm lucky to have a handy person on the house.

Ebay & charity shops are the best places we've found to buy cheap 2nd beds. We've paid £10-£25 plus had to go collect the bed to bring it home.

I think he should have to pay for half (say £50). Now this could be docking pocket money until it's paid off or using his birthday money. He's 11 not 4, he's old enough to understand the consequences.

• Bed base

He needs a bed, the mattress on the floor will get damp. If there's only enough money for bed and bike or bed and party, then one of those has to go. It would be fair to let him choose which.

I think your idea of giving him a choice, party + bed or bike + bed. If he hadn't decided to jump on the bed he would have had all three. Actions have consequences. At 11 he can grasp this, I have a similar aged son. I have had to be cruel to be kind, it's heartbreaking and goes against our mothering instincts. But I think it's better than the other option of never teaching life lessons to save your child from feeling heartache.

I could probably afford a new bed base and party and bike but surely that's not the point?
He needs to understand that he can't just behave as he likes and I will sort it out with no consequence.
I'm just not totally sure what's the best way.
I could get him a second hand frame and he could use his birthday money to pay for it...do you think that is fair?

I agree- Bike or party. He can choose which he doesn't get to afford the new bed. I have done the exact same thing. DS12 in a fit of fury destroyed my brand new stools. Ripping the leather and pulling the foam out of the seats. As a result not only did he have to stand at the breakfast bar for a while to eat his cereal in the mornings but we've downgraded him from an expensive bike for Christmas to a cheap one to off set the cost of replacing them.

Wow I wouldn't take away a birthday present for breaking a bed what happens if he does something really naughty do you cancel Christmas altogether for the next 5 years. It seems very harsh for something like that. Unpaid chores is usually the way to pay for things that have been broken. A few months on a mattress on the floor won't hurt or you can pick up very cheap bed frame off eBay for £10.

I would not give him the choice - cancel the party. A bike is far better for him in the long run than a 2 hr party.

I broke my bed a few months ago by doing this. Ds and I were belly flopping onto the bed together. We propped the bed up and left it. dh then sat on the bed and it gave way. To this day he thinks he broke the bed.

I just think 11 is too young. Yes, a stern telling off, stopping pocket money for a week or a fortnight and making him help you assemble it :) but 12 year olds do do stupid stuff and it wasn't malicious or nasty from the way you describe it, just general dicking about.

Use his birthday money to buy him a trampoline