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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Boss has asked me to come in on my maternity leave

99 replies

sarah00001 · 22/10/2015 21:48

Hi, I received an email from my boss asking me to come in for a couple of hours on my maternity leave, using one of my keeping in touch (KIT) days for my appraisal. I was on sick leave before my maternity leave and missed my appraisal. I am a single mum and have a 4 month old daughter. I don't have anyone who could look after her, I have no family in the area and am not on very good terms with my baby's father. His family have offered no support, so I couldn't ask them to look after her. I replied to my boss saying I could come in, but would need to bring along my baby. She responded by saying that she would like that I arranged for a babysitter to look after my daughter.

I really do have noone I could ask to look after her. I also wouldn't feel comfortable asking a stranger to look after her as I feel she is too young. She is also teething at the moment and very much needs her mum.

Would it be unreasonable for me to say I can only come in if I can bring my daughter, or is my boss right in saying I should find a babysitter?

Please could you let me know your thoughts as I really don't know what to do.

Thank you

Sarah

OP posts:
AnchorDownDeepBreath · 22/10/2015 21:51

How did you plan to do your KIT days?

What does your contract say about them?

On the face of it, it doesn't seem unreasonable to expect you to find some childcare for a few hours, if you've been given enough notice. Taking your baby in to work could cause complications for insurance, potentially, and you'd be rather distracted from your appraisal.

TheSnowFairy · 22/10/2015 21:51

What line of work are you in?

Tinofsardines · 22/10/2015 21:52

There's no way in hell I'd be leaving my 4mo in the care if a stranger just so I could attend an appraisal at work Hmm

Just reiterate that if she's that desperate for you to go into work, baby comes too!!

KIT days are not compulsory.

QuintShhhhhh · 22/10/2015 21:52

Cant you have a friend staying with your baby in her pram in a nearby coffee shop while you pop in for your appraisal?

YesICanHearYouClemFandango · 22/10/2015 21:52

I'm 99% sure that KIT days are totally optional and your employer can't force you to come into work during mat leave unless you want to

PotteringAlong · 22/10/2015 21:54

KIT days are completely optional! Just say no; they can't make you come in at all.

ceeveebee · 22/10/2015 21:56

I don't think you are under any obligation to do a KIT day, it's by mutual agreement. So I think you could just say that you would prefer to do your KIT days nearer to your return date (if at all)
however, this may come across as uncooperative so I guess depends on whether you plan to return and whether you want to keep on good terms eg if you were planning on a flexible work request.

Have you got long to go before you return? What childcare are you going to put in place when you return?

mommy2ash · 22/10/2015 21:57

How are you going to manage childcare when you go back to work?

TracyBarlow · 22/10/2015 21:57

So she wants you to be flexible and come in on your mat leave to work, but she's not willing to be flexible enough to allow you to bring in your child. I couldn't have left any of my babies when they were 4mo old with anyone as they fed every hour.

Kit days are optional. There is not allowed to be any pressure for you to do them. Also, you have to come to your own arrangement about how much pay you'll get to do them. So tell them yes, you'll come in and will charge them £500 for your time. They might well change their mind then.

StackladysMorphicResonator · 22/10/2015 21:59

KIT days are NOT compulsory, she can't make you come in or impose any consequences for you refusing to do so.

Aspergallus · 22/10/2015 22:00

I was appraised while on mat leave. Well, an automatic pass was signed in my absence.

The mistake you have made is responding to any work related email while you're not at work.

Do you actually want to do KIT days? Might be better not to do them at all rather than enter into disagreement about how they are used.

kslatts · 22/10/2015 22:00

They can't make you work KIT days, could you suggest having the appraisal as a phone call rather than face to face.

WhyCantIuseTheNameIWant · 22/10/2015 22:01

Do you have to go In?

Can it be done over the phone?

Check your terms in your contract.

All my KIT has been "please tell us if you move or change phone number"
Here is the monthly work news magazine.
Any important notices get printed and sent to me.

glenthebattleostrich · 22/10/2015 22:01

I imagine the OP will source care when she goes back mommy2ash but as that's 8 months away I wouldn't expect the OP to be too far down that road.

Say no OP if it doesnt work for you. KIT days are optional, as previously stated.

LittleMiss77 · 22/10/2015 22:05

You do not have to do a KIT day if you dont want to OP. If you dont have child care then you dont have child care - that is more than a good enough reason to go in.

For an appraisal that would last what, an hour? 2 at the most, I would have thought that your boss would have allowed you to take DC with you (I know mine would have)

Is there anyway you can arrage it to take place during DCs nap time to minimise any disruption or maybe get your boss to come to you?

DragonsCanHop · 22/10/2015 22:10

KIT days are mutually agreed between both parties. Are you planning to go back to work? If I were you I would ask a friend to come along and sit with the pram whilst all your collegues had a sneaky aww look you have the appraisal

FishWithABicycle · 22/10/2015 22:11

KIT days are optional. Say no.

queenofthepirates · 22/10/2015 22:12

Bluntly, baby will be fine for a couple of hours. I know it's going to be painful for you but baby will be fine. Just find a local child minder and ask them very nicely. If you plan on going back to work, you do need to be communicating with work and giving them a bit of flexibility. Not going in shows a lack of commitment to the job and you are going to need to ask for plenty of flexibility when you do return, especially as a single mum (I should know, I've been in your shoes).

JeanSeberg · 22/10/2015 22:12

I'd be wary. How can she appraise your performance when you've been off a minimum of 4 months and she's presumably no idea when or if you plan to return?

DoreenLethal · 22/10/2015 22:13

I would respond 'my appraisal can wait until i am back at work'.

PennyHasNoSurname · 22/10/2015 22:14

No.obligation at all to do any KIT days. Id respond "I was not intending on using any KIT days, and understand that my appraisal can be delayed until my agreed return date"

What plans do you have in place for childcare for your return to work?

Fwiw when I went on both my MLs I advised work that I would not be monitoring my emails regularly and should they need to get in touch to write to.me at my home address.

MrsBalustradeLanyard · 22/10/2015 22:17

queen why should the OP leave her tiny baby with a stranger to do something that she actually doesn't have to? There is no reason that the appraisal can't wait.

AdjustableWench · 22/10/2015 22:19

Why would you be expected to do an appraisal when you're not back at work yet? The sensible thing would be to catch up with things like appraisals when you return to work. I'd say no to this if I were you.

SimLondon · 22/10/2015 22:21

No way - explain to your boss that you aren't able to leave your baby with anyone and you need to postpone it until after your maternity leave.

Appraisals are stuff and nonsense anyway.

GreenPetal94 · 22/10/2015 22:21

In this situation I would have left my baby with one of my pals from baby group. Looking after two babies is not too hard for a few hours. If you take the risk and ask someone then you can offer to have their baby some other time so they can get a haircut or something.

But I think how much you should show willing does depend if you intend to return to work, if not then don't bother.

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