Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to feel miffed that I pay for half of centre parks holiday?

102 replies

Achooblessyou · 21/10/2015 19:19

Fairly new boyfriend (1 year) booked a large house at centre parks this time last year, with the intention of going with just his kids. Asked if I would like to go along with my kids.

So after some persuasion I said that would be nice, and said I would get all activities for weekend. As there are 6 of us the activities will get quite expensive, but not as much as he had paid for the house (about £900). He then said it would be easier if I just paid for half of house.

Obviously I'm a lone parent and haven't budgeted for this - I really would never book centre parks for my family as it's far too expensive for me. So if I go I've got a bill for £450 plus activities for me and kids, and probable meals out.

My thinking was that he'd paid for house without any expectation of anyone else sharing the cost. He didn't mention me going halves when he was inviting me. I'm feeling a bit miffed, but now I've said I'll go I feel I just need to go with it. It's not that I will be destitute or anything it's just that Christmas will need to be a bit leaner because of this!

I usually pay half of anything we do, and I think that's fair. So am I wrong to be a bit miffed?

OP posts:
Hufflepuffin · 21/10/2015 19:25

Have you spoken to him about it?

Griphook · 21/10/2015 19:26

I think if he wanted you to pay half he should have been upfront.
It was his choice to rent such an expensive house, if he had told you it was £450 you probably wouldn't hace agreed. I personally wouldn't bother going

lifesalongsong · 21/10/2015 19:26

I'm really not sure who is BU but I wouldn't go if it was going to be a financial stretch of any kind.

On balance if he asked you to go without mentioning payment he is BU to ask later. CP isn't a cheap holiday

Fluffyears · 21/10/2015 19:26

Have you told him exactly what you said in OP? How will he realise?

KitKatCustard · 21/10/2015 19:27

If you've got the same number of kids each, it sounds fair to me that you'd pay half each for the house. Activities would be more variable and you could always spend all day in the pool for cheapness!

fuzzywuzzy · 21/10/2015 19:28

I'd find £450.00 plus expenses far too expensive.

Tell him you can't go, you're budget is not the same as his expectations.

Sirzy · 21/10/2015 19:29

If you can't afford it you should have just said no. I think paying half is fair otherwise.

Trills · 21/10/2015 19:29

You and your kids are using half the space, so it makes sense that you should pay half.

It would be better to decide on plans together, before booking.

Had he booked the too-big-for-just-them house assuming you would go? What would he have done if you didn't want to?

Axekick · 21/10/2015 19:38

If you don't want to go. Don't go.

I do think it's fair to pay half. I wouldn't expect to go and not pay half.

Tbh for 6 people activities could easily rack up to £450. What would you do if he and his kids want to do activities and you can't afford anymore?

lifesalongsong · 21/10/2015 19:38

It would be fair to pay half if the holiday was a joint one planned together but I think there's an important difference here as the DP was going anyway.

This situation isn't clear cut to me, maybe a contribution to the accomodation would be the best solution

MrsTerryPratchett · 21/10/2015 19:39

I wouldn't have accepted. Because it's too much money and I would fully expected to pay half. While he was 'persuading' you, was there no mention of who was paying?

Sansoora · 21/10/2015 19:41

I think if he invited you then the cost of the holiday is on him - but you picking up the cost of the activities is a nice way of evening things out.

ZoeTurtle · 21/10/2015 19:42

YABU because you're acting like you don't have a choice. Just tell him you can't afford it Confused

pinkyredrose · 21/10/2015 19:42

Christ that's daylight robbery, you could go abroad for that! Just say you didn't realise he expected you to pay half so you now can't afford it.

Sansoora · 21/10/2015 19:42

Sorry - could it be that he's now finding the cost too much and is trying to pass some of it on to you?

And what about the activities? What happens if one of you cant afford to do everything the other family is doing.

It sounds like a minefield and he sounds like a cheapskate.

Iggi999 · 21/10/2015 19:45

I don't see why you should pay half for a holiday that wasn't your choice re times, venue or type even. He must have booked it just for his family as it was booked either before or just after you got together. and there may be a bumsex expectation too

SouthWestmom · 21/10/2015 19:45

I don't think he's done anything wrong. He booked it for him and his kids a year ago (at the start of the relationship - he's not going to know you'll stay together for a year) and now he's invited you. You've offered to cover activities but tbh that would be a nightmare. Pursed lips if they want to keep doing paid for stuff, them feeling awkward about asking etc.

Original poster
Achooblessyou · 21/10/2015 19:45

I've not spoken to him about it as he only said it last night and my immediate reaction was to be a bit shocked. I woke up at 3am worrying about it.

I'm lucky that I've got some savings - I am saving for a car and I always save up for Christmas. It's taken me about 2 years to save £1k extra towards car. So like I say it's not that I absolutely can't pay but it takes me a really long time to save up for things and it pains me that I will cut such a big chunk out for something I wouldn't have booked myself.

OP posts:
APlaceOnTheCouch · 21/10/2015 19:47

Don't be miffed just be upfront and say you can't afford to pay for half the house so you won't be coming along. If you want, you could suggest you both book it for next year and then half the cost as you'll have time to budget.

He obviously didn't book it expecting you to pay half if you had only just started dating so you're just letting him go back to his original plan.

fuzzywuzzy · 21/10/2015 19:50

hate to say it but the holiday could easily end up eating into most of your savings you realise this? Just tell him you can't afford it and maybe next time.

Anastasie · 21/10/2015 19:51

You haven't done anything wrong. You need to speak to him honestly and be really apologetic and say you're so sorry, but you cannot afford it and was he able to afford it, does he still want to go, if you pull out and he just takes his children?

Be very open and very clear that you have been saving for a long time for a car and don't feel you can justify this.

How much would the activities have cost, out of interest?

ZoeTurtle · 21/10/2015 19:51

I'm feeling a bit miffed, but now I've said I'll go I feel I just need to go with it.

Well, you don't. No need to impose that on yourself.

Inertia · 21/10/2015 19:52

Don't be miffed and go along with it to keep the peace. It sounds as though he has stitched you up a bit here - if you had planned a joint holiday you could have found something to suit your budget. It'll be quite a bit more once you have factored in food and activities.

I would just say you can't afford that, but could plan a much cheaper joint holiday elsewhere.

Anastasie · 21/10/2015 19:52

Are you afraid he will be angry?

Btw I don't mean you have anything to apologise for - it just offsets anything I suppose, in case he misunderstands.

BathtimeFunkster · 21/10/2015 19:53

When you invite someone to join you on a holiday you have already booked and paid for without their input or agreement, it is very poor form to bill them for half your costs.

You need to say to him that you didn't realise he was offering you the opportunity to go halves on his holiday and that you can't afford that.