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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to feel miffed that I pay for half of centre parks holiday?

102 replies

Achooblessyou · 21/10/2015 19:19

Fairly new boyfriend (1 year) booked a large house at centre parks this time last year, with the intention of going with just his kids. Asked if I would like to go along with my kids.

So after some persuasion I said that would be nice, and said I would get all activities for weekend. As there are 6 of us the activities will get quite expensive, but not as much as he had paid for the house (about £900). He then said it would be easier if I just paid for half of house.

Obviously I'm a lone parent and haven't budgeted for this - I really would never book centre parks for my family as it's far too expensive for me. So if I go I've got a bill for £450 plus activities for me and kids, and probable meals out.

My thinking was that he'd paid for house without any expectation of anyone else sharing the cost. He didn't mention me going halves when he was inviting me. I'm feeling a bit miffed, but now I've said I'll go I feel I just need to go with it. It's not that I will be destitute or anything it's just that Christmas will need to be a bit leaner because of this!

I usually pay half of anything we do, and I think that's fair. So am I wrong to be a bit miffed?

OP posts:

Fairenuff · 21/10/2015 19:53

If you can't talk to him about this and be honest with him I don't hold out much hope for a future relationship tbh.

BabyGanoush · 21/10/2015 19:54

agree with Zoe

say you have thought about it, and can't really afford it sadly

lifesalongsong · 21/10/2015 19:54

With the further details about the savings I think it would be mad for you to go.

I think you need to explain so that he fully understands what he's asking you to do. It would be very selfish of him to expect you to give up a car and Christmas for a few days at an overpriced holiday park that he's going to regardless of whether you join him

Is he a considerate man?

honeyroar · 21/10/2015 19:56

Just say that after a night's reflection you've decide it's going to be a bit out of your budget. Say it was really nice of him to invite you, but you'll have to decline.

VeganCow · 21/10/2015 19:56

Be straight with him. His reaction to you saying you've had second thoughts, will tell you the kind of man he is. I would have second thoughts about not just the holiday, but the relationship too. Remember this - he booked it in the first place. Its his responsilbility not yours and he can't move the goal posts as he goes along.

GruntledOne · 21/10/2015 19:56

Given that he knows you didn't particularly want to go in the first place, I would suggest you tell him that you really can't afford to spend that amount of money for a holiday you weren't planning to go on anyway, and you need it for Christmas.

roundaboutthetown · 21/10/2015 19:58

Just tell him that, now you've thought about it, you don't think you can afford it, so it's better he goes on his own. It will only build up resentment one way or the other if either of you thinks you are being made to pay more than you expected by the other.

Anastasie · 21/10/2015 19:59

Is he a bit better placed financially? I find a financial difference in a relationship very hard to manage, though it can be done...I was seeing a guy who was earning way over my head, and there were a few moments.

He was a bit tight though which is probably the main thing

If he can afford it then that's fine, no harm done, let him take his children.

If he can't then he might be fed up. Don't be put under pressure though.

SpongeBobJudgeyPants · 21/10/2015 20:00

He shouldn't have asked for this when it wasn't mentioned originally. Bit sneaky. Please don't dip into your Car Fund to save an awkward situation he has created.

bloodyteenagers · 21/10/2015 20:03

Just tell him you've slept on it and you're going to back out.

Does he know about your savings?

AnnaMarlowe · 21/10/2015 20:08

Just say you've looked at the figures and can't afford it.

Do you really want to miss out in your car for a few days at CP?

FeelsLikeHome123 · 21/10/2015 20:10

I would just tell him that you can't afford to go. You're in a relationship for a year so you know each other long enough to be honest without being embarrassed. If you don't fess up, you and your dc will suffer the shortfall at Christmas.

nocabbageinmyeye · 21/10/2015 20:12

Yanbu I agree with others in that it was booked already, you had no input and he didn't mention going halves up front. No way I woukd go away and spend that much eating up my savings and making Christmas tighter. Just tell him that you've thought about it and changed your mind, definitely do not going when you clearly don't want to

TendonQueen · 21/10/2015 20:16

This was only raised yesterday so there's no shame in pulling out. You aren't cornering him into anything he hadn't already taken on for himself. Contact him straight away and say now you've slept on it, you realise it isn't affordable for you and you don't want to get into debt for a holiday so will not be able to come. And just keep an eye out, because this could just be unthinking enthusiasm, but it could also be seeing exactly how much he can squeeze out of you.

Only1scoop · 21/10/2015 20:16

Will also cost a small fortune of you eat out.

If you say no now though looks like you were happy when he was footing the bill and you were just paying for a few extras.

Not sure what I'd do. If it's the same property he had booked just for him I'd probably pull out. As he was going to pay it anyway.

LeaLeander · 21/10/2015 20:16

Do not feel compelled to go through with it. Any reasonable person would understand that in the heat of the moment you agreed to go, but that upon reflection and review of your budget/financial goals, it's just not in the picture this year. (It doesn't sound as though it is right for you, financially, even if you are NOT paying half the housing costs for the holiday.)

There is no shame in living within your means. If he is miffed or unreasonable or insulting, when you withdraw, you will gain invaluable insight into his character.

And to be honest, even if he relents and says he will pay the entire cost, I would still not go. I would not want to be beholden in that way and I would not want to set such an example for my children.

Stillunexpected · 21/10/2015 20:17

A year is not really a new boyfriend so you should feel able to tell him that you just can't afford this. However, it sounds like he is suggesting that you pay for half of the house instead of paying for his and his kids activities? So it's not an extra £450 but rather the difference between the activity amount and cost of half the house? Just be honest and tell him it's too much for you.

Rebecca2014 · 21/10/2015 20:17

I would be miffed too. I wonder if he only invited you as a way of saving money? well I be telling him on second thoughts you cannot afford to dip in your savings.

Sansoora · 21/10/2015 20:20

Please dont spent your hard earned savings on a weekend away. Get your car and have loads of weekends away with your kids for the price of petrol and a packed lunch.

MillionToOneChances · 21/10/2015 20:21

I would just say you're sorry but you simply can't afford it. No shame in that.

MagickPants · 21/10/2015 20:25

Don't go, you have saved hard for the car and that money will disappear. Just phone him up and say you're sorry, you said yes without thinking about it properly and now you've had a chance to think, you really can't afford it and you'll have to decline. Don't let it look like you're hinting, I think you really will have to just not go - if he hasn't offered to pay for you and your dcs he doesn't want to.

Be wary if he pressures you to go and starts suggesting ways you could afford it or things you could do it instead of. It's your money and you don't choose to spend it that way.

fastdaytears · 21/10/2015 20:26

Just don't go. I love CP but I wouldn't enjoy it if I was worrying about money the whole time. If you need a new car then that's a lot more important.

He should understand. It's not like you agreed for his months ago- it was yesterday!

DanishBlue · 21/10/2015 20:28

Personally, I think he is a cheeky fuck. Think of it the other way, had you booked a holiday self catering and paid for it a year ago before you met him, but now invited them to share the holiday with you, would you expect him to stump up half? This was his holiday and you have been led to believe he invited you to share it with him as he wanted to spend time with you, to ask you to share the cost is a piss take, I think you were more than generous to pay for your activities and halve the food, let him stump up the full cost and entertain his own kids all week, tight shit.

RickRoll · 21/10/2015 20:33

£900 for a weekend is absurd, and the activities in Centreparcs are horribly overpriced.

BolshierAryaStark · 21/10/2015 20:33

I think that's a ridiculous amount but then it's to be expected at CP, one of the reasons I never consider the place.
Agree with the others, just say you've slept on it & decided against it.
If you use your savings you'll regret it.

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