Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have a cuddle in bed with nearly 13yo ds?

126 replies

ScottishGlen · 18/10/2015 21:15

My dc have always enjoyed snuggling in bed with dh and I - usually on a weekend morning before everyone gets up. We didn't co-sleep except when the dc were ill.

My ds is nearly 13. He will sometimes join me in bed for 5-10 minutes when he gets up, before going downstairs to make his breakfast. He lays next to me with an arm round my middle - sometimes snoozing and sometimes having a chat. I cherish these times as they are very peaceful and cosy. Sometimes he will tell me about what he is looking forward to at school and if there is anything worrying him this is likely to be the time he tells me.

I thought nothing of this until reading an article in the newspaper about a lady who was on Loose Women. She said she co-slept with her children until they were nearly 10 and received a lot of criticism for doing this.

It made me wonder about ds. What do you think?

OP posts:
Alisvolatpropiis · 18/10/2015 22:20

It's fine.

wotoodoo · 18/10/2015 22:21

Mother's instinct knows best. My ds slept in his own bed from 1-4 yrs then he became extremely fearful of the dark made worse by the shadows from a night light( I remember being so petrified I couldn't move when I was a child and no warm, loving arms to comfort me, something to do with having an overactive imagination).

As he has always been very confident, sociable, sporty and popular and goes on sleepovers with no issues we think it's a comfort thing he'll simply grow out of. But from around 5 yrs til now (he is nearly 10) he has always preferred to sleep in our bed (luckily have a superking size!)

Anyone who does this knows how deliciously cuddly and beautiful this precious time is. All our other dc come in for a cuddle in the mornings sometimes and we are just a very warm, close knit and happy family which is something neither my dh nor myself had as dc.

Ds has his own bedroom and one day he will grow out of it but in the meanwhile I am making the most of it. Ds' best friend also co sleeps with his mother, it is pretty normal around the world so do what you think is right! x

PaulAnkaTheDog · 18/10/2015 22:25

No flowers needed, I'm in a good place now Smile If you can give your child comfort, love or a bit or normality, then what is wrong with a snuggle? Enjoy Smile

cakedup · 18/10/2015 22:25

Some lovely posts!

DS co-slept with me and didn't get his own bed until he was about 5. He would still opt to co-sleep with me though.

He is now 10, falls asleep in his own bed but comes to my bed early hours every morning. He says he wakes up a bit cold and lonely and then loves coming into my bed because I'm so warm and snuggly and he feels so safe.

I remember still going to my dad's bed when I was 11. My parents were in the middle of a divorce and I was living with my dad. My mum mentioned it to her solicitor that she didn't think it was healthy that I sleep with my dad. I remember my dad tactfully trying to explain this to me, and I just didn't understand what was meant by 'unhealthy' at all. "But you change your bedsheets every week, don't you dad?" I asked, thinking it was a hygiene issue. My dad didn't want to lose custody of me and didn't want to give my mum any ammunition, but just didn't have the heart to tell me I couldn't sleep in his bed anymore.

Italiangreyhound · 18/10/2015 22:26

It sounds fine to me.

ThoseAwfulCurtains · 18/10/2015 22:29

My older DSs will still come in for a cwtch when they're home from Uni. Had a glorious afternoon cwtched up with DS3 (14) while we read and talked about one of his set books.

Notsoaccidentproneanymore · 18/10/2015 22:29

Dsis thought it was odd that ds2 (13, nearly 14) still sometimes sits on my knee and gives me a hug and kiss.

Up to about a year ago he used to lay in bed with me in a morning for 5 minutes. He hardly ever does it any more.

Make the most of it while you can. It won't last forever.

PaulAnkaTheDog · 18/10/2015 22:31

cakedup That hurts my heart a little bit.

cakedup · 18/10/2015 22:34

Aw PaulAnkaTheDog Flowers .

thegiddylimit · 18/10/2015 22:41

Some of my favourite childhood memories (going right into teenage years) is going into my parents bedroom on Sunday morning and listening to Alistair Cooke's Letter from America. We all (I'm the eldest of 4 siblings) sat on the bed and chatted. As long as your son is initiating it it's fine.

JaceLancs · 18/10/2015 22:43

I never co slept with either of my children who are now 22 and 24
However they always knew they could come in my bed for comfort or if ill
We always opened Xmas stockings together in my bed or some of their birthday presents
Tonight DD was home to sleep (rare event as mostly lives with her boyfriend) she snuggled up
In my bed for a catch up whilst I was asking her opinion on some clothes I had bought - then I joined her for a hug n a natter
Last week DS ended up in my bed whilst helping me sort out some financial stuff (my bedroom is also the office) it was chilly and we chatted in comfort
I wonder more about people who comment adversely about such things and what their issues are

Rozalia · 18/10/2015 22:52

A good friend of mine had a stroke in her early fifties. She would wake up frightened and disorientated every morning, so her son co-slept with her until she recovered.

She was a lovely, loving woman and her son ( early twenties at the time) was also loving and thoughtful.

rainbowstardrops · 18/10/2015 22:52

My DS (15) still sometimes sidles into my bed at the weekend after he's finished his paper round I try not to flinch that he's got his skanky clothes on in MY bed but it's lovely that he still feels able to do this.
My DD (10) thinks it's an amazing treat to be allowed to sleep in my bed with me occasionally. Little does she know but the treat is all mine. Smile

ConesOfDunshire · 18/10/2015 22:56

I was the victim of a pretty unpleasant attack when I was 18.

Once the police had brought me home I just wanted to sleep. I crawled into bed and without a word, my mum got in next to me. I will never forget the comfort of her presence.

Keep on cuddling your DS for as long as you can, OP.

WhatamessIgotinto · 18/10/2015 22:57

DS (12) often does this. He's a very cuddly lad and I cherish every hug.

KKCupCake · 18/10/2015 23:01

Sounds perfect. YANBU at all. You know I wonder about some families. We're a very loving family and say ILY plenty and cwtch plenty. One day my 10 yr old DD was picked up by a friends Mum for Guides and said 'ILY, see you later' and her friends Mum said 'Oh my God! How did you get that without arm twisting!' I just sort of smiled and waved goodbye but when I think of it now I feel a bit sorry for her tbh =/

Hobbes8 · 18/10/2015 23:17

I didn't have that kind of relationship with my own parents and I can only hope I have it with my children when they're older. At the moment they're 4 and nearly 2. The youngest gets in with us almost every night and the eldest gets in every morning for cuddles. They also love getting into bed with each other. I'd be fuming if anyone ever gave them the impression that it's weird. It's just so cuddly and warm and lovely!

CobblerBob · 18/10/2015 23:28

I secretly love my kids being poorly as they will usually opt to sleep in the bed with me and DH gets banished to the spare room. I adore sleeping with my kids and love them coming for a cuddle. Both mine will come in for a snuggle in the morning and I still read to them at night sometimes. We all snuggle up in my bed and I read whatever book... Both lie there like babies. They are aged 10 dd and 12 DS. It's a major plus of being a patent, surely.

CobblerBob · 18/10/2015 23:28

Parent... Not a patent!

pookamoo · 18/10/2015 23:48

I am 36 and staying the night at my parents' house tonight because tomorrow is my nan's funeral. Sad

In the morning my DDs (7 and 4) will be straight in with my mum and dad when the clock has chimed 7.

I will be right behind them! and DH will still be a starfish in our bed

TheFormidableMrsC · 18/10/2015 23:56

Oh my goodness, nothing wrong with that! My DD stopped wanting a cuddle at about 8 believe it or not, she's now 17 and every attempt at physical affection is completely rebuffed, the hard-nosed madam..my DS, on the other hand (now 4) regularly climbs in for a cuddle, mostly in the middle of the night and I hope he will continue to do so! 13 is no age, it sounds lovely. My DD is simply not an affectionate child and never has been, no idea why! I am hoping DS continues to be a cuddler as I love it! It's precious time with your children so just carry on in my opinion!

pookamoo...so sorry about your Nan, bless you. Hope tomorrow goes as well as funerals can Flowers

trixymalixy · 19/10/2015 00:07

My eldest is 8 and I'm dreading the day that he feels too old to come into my bed for a cuddle.

itsbetterthanabox · 19/10/2015 00:07

Co sleeping is different I think as the worry is the child is unable to sleep alone and at that age they need to be. But getting in bed for cuddles is lovely.

Euripidesralph · 19/10/2015 01:27

I don't think you are being u at all but it all depends on the scenario and motivation

I hope my ds' ( one is three and one still baking ) will still come in for a cuddle at that age

Saying that I'm aware of a scenario very close to me where the mother coslept all night and every night with the child until 13 for emotionally (not sexually) abusive reasons which obviously is not ok and I wonder if it is scenarios like that that earn the concerns (sorry trying not to out me or the other person )

It depends on the scenario but I think it's important that the psychos don't get to taint the innocent genuine mothering things we all do

Asteria36 · 19/10/2015 01:38

DS13 comes into our bed regularly for a quick cuddle and a chat on the way downstairs. The dsc (dss7 & dsd 10) both hop in every morning that they are here too and also if they wake in the night. DH and I are getting a bigger bed as we like to all line up in bed and have a good natter and our super king size is getting a bit snug! Seems silly to upgrade the bed for the sake of the occasional morning when all 5 of us pile in (we have been known to do breakfast in our bed), but we would hate for them to feel there wasn't any room for them. It is like our safe zone - if the children are ever ill during the day they always sleep in our bed.