To not buy their children any more presents?

[RainbowInACloud]

I think I probably am but it's getting on my nerves.
Two of my very good friends have children and I always remember their birthdays, buy presents and send a text on the day. I know both of the mums care about these things so I try hard to remember and get something thoughtful.
For the last two or three years they have forgotten my children's birthdays. Occasionally I have had a text a few days/ weeks later but no catch up present/ card.
I know I'm being precious about my own kids but I'm sick of making a fuss over their kids and get nothing in return. It's not a present things as I'd be happy with a text/ fb message/ card etc.
so- do I not bother with their birthdays anymore? Or is that petulant?
Thanks

I would send a card to friend 1, and a present only if you and your dc are invited to a party, if not, just a breezy reply, like oh I understood we were not doing presents anymore, as you did not get minrainbow one for sometime now.

This thread is brilliant, have been having the same issues myself and glad to see it's not just me. In my case said kid is my godson which does make me feel more guilty, although we never really see each other and I have never been that close to the kids mum. I was surprised to be asked to be godmother at the time but pretty touched and wanted to do things right. I made a lot of effort at first and have diligently given Christmas and bday presents for past 5 years, going out of my way and driving some distance in the evenings after work to make sure kid got presents. Never had a thank you card or Christmas card back (don't expect anything for my bday obviously). I now have a 2yo and haven't received anything, not even a card for either her first or second bday. Stuff it, can't be bothered anymore.

I'm not sure that these are your friends, no new born baby gift? From your 'best friend' sorry but I honestly think you're classing a couple of acquaintances as good friends, seems to me they're also using you for what their kids can get. If you're upset when someone forgets dc's bday you can't then forget someone else's! And for 3 years on the trot?! No I don't think so-just my opinion

Definitely best friends although I can understand why you'd think differently. Seen each other through many breakups and I actually gave her away at her wedding as she had recently lost her dad. I also had to make the terrifying father of the bride speech!
The other one grew up with me as a sister although we are not biologically related.

Buying the children of cousins birthday presents? Ye gods do you people have money to burn? Once you all have kids you buy presents for your own parents ( if you can afford it), your kids, the kids of your siblings and your own grandparents. And if you have a close friend with kids then for them too. That's it. If you don't have kids I still think it's probably the way to go and take joy in the sloppy home mad gifts coming from your nieces and nephews

xyzee - a card is more than enough. The point is to acknowledge, and it's the thought that counts, yada, yada. No more need to send a gift!

I have the same issue re xmas. For the past three years, I have got my friends kids presents without expecting reciprocation but feel like now is the year to stop..but how? I don't like to feel like a mug but I don't want to stop sending presents on principle either

I wouldn't buy a present.

Alltheworld- could you send a text message saying you have decided to stop buying presents but will send cards?

Although Anemone's suggestion was good, I prefer BarbarianMum's - it's more pointed. Probably might be thought too PA by some, but it would certainly get the message across!

""The principle that they were more than happy for us to buy for there kids, but they wouldn't for ours""

""They are entitled shits because they receive but don't give""

""Breaking a social norm"".

I won't be bullied into gift giving. I was given a gift three Christmases running, by someone who I'd told, I didn't like the material side of events. They had "Gobs on" every year.

I buy if I attend a part/wedding etc.

I've handed people back presents, but it still didn't work (that sounds worse than it was).

I've been told that it's up to them if they want to treat my children, so I've let them.

How would you feel about the Parents telling you straight to stop buying for their children? Or being sent what you've bought back to you?

It's a no win situation, with some people.

I tend to give people time, I'm happy to take other people's children out and always had a houseful (my youngest is now 18), but I dont shop for anyone other than immediate family.

This was easily solved, just don't buy and state that you'd thought that you all wasn't doing gifts, because your children didn't receive any, as said.

But OP - if they are that close to you, why have you felt unable to point out to them that your children also have birthdays? The fact that you haven't makes the friendships look very uneven from where I'm standing.

My brother actually sends me an e-mail annually reminding me to send a birthday card to my sister-in-law (which I do anyway, and am delighted to do and don't need reminding). He then promptly forgets my dh's birthday every year!

standclear he obviously needs you to e-mail him a reminder.

There is probably too much convoluted gift giving going on... it is a pity some people find it so difficult to just agree not to...

Presents just for own kids, parents, OH (subject to agreement or mutual opt out) grand-kids and nieces and nephews is plenty... gift giving convention is too woolly and variable (as well as expensive and fraught with angst and over consumption and waste) there should be a Law... :o

Whereyouleftit

birds you don't expect people to give your child gifts, which is happening here, ask them where the present is? I would cut that short, a card for friend 1 and a breezy text for friend 2.

I actually had a situation where a friend stopped giving my children gifts, I carried on giving to their children but after a while (2 years) felt like a mug so stopped. I didn't bother to say anything because they didn't say anything to me when they stopped giving to my children.
My husband met up with the friend's husband one day and said he seemed very off with him at first and eventually came out and asked why we hadn't given their child a birthday present.

If I thought the child would be upset, I'd probably get a token gift (a colouring book or something) for them to unwrap. But if - as seems like the case - both the child and mother are grabby and ungrateful, I'd give nothing but a card.

They really can't say anything. If they do, you can just give one of the very many explanations above.

No, I wouldn't send presents just a card instead.

I'm not as bothered about the presents really- a text would have been good enough or some sign that they remembered.
They are both very busy people and I guess it wasn't high on their priority list. So their DC birthdays are no longer going to be high on mine.
Friendships great generally other than this issue.
Thanks for all the replies- I'm at a very boring conference last couple of days.

Whatsername24 I hope that your DH replied, 'so can I be extremely annoyed with you then as you haven't got our DC one in well over two years?'

Entitled peoples.