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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to wonder why people send their children to private schools?

491 replies

TheStripyGruffalo · 18/10/2015 12:52

People I know have done it for various reasons a) because they want their children to get all A* grade b) because they don't want their children mixing with the people at the local comprehensive and c) because they think it looks good to have children at a private school.

If you send your children private do you mind saying why? I'm genuinely interested (and I'm not a journalist). We didn't choose private schools because we thought our DC would not be comfortable being amongst the poorest families there.

OP posts:
Headofthehive55 · 18/10/2015 21:44

new exactly. It would take all the schools in the county to produce the orchestra in the state system here, and consequently need to meet outside school time and unfortunately in our case too far away to be possible.

The private school is actually nearer, and she could join the orchestra on site.

MrsCorbyn · 18/10/2015 21:48

Contacts

Amazing education

Extra curricular sports

Contacts

HormonalHeap · 18/10/2015 22:00

All the points MrsCorbyn makes above are correct. But just as important is the fact that IF they are not self motivated or get de-railed somewhere along the way (eg depression, Xbox, drugs), it doesn't matter WHERE they are, their grades will be compromised.

My ds is in yr 11 in one of the leading independent schools in the country. He's been given every 'opportunity' in life, including optional private tutoring to supplement the excellent teaching. Guess what? He's an Xbox addict refusing to work and will be kicked out next year. So much of it is down to personality. His cousin was at a non fee-paying school, worked his arse off and is now on an academic course at a top Uni and thriving.

M4blues · 18/10/2015 22:01

Honeylulu, in theory, yes. But in practice, what happens is that money and resources go to the grammar and many children languish at the secondary modern. That is what happened to many children in the 50s&60s. Maybe it works better where you have a grammar and a couple of comps but in a complete grammar system where 20% go to one type of school and the other 80% to another, where expectations are low and there's little room for late developers to achieve high grades. Boys are encouraged into trades and girls into childcare or hairdressing or secretarial.

heheheheheheh · 18/10/2015 22:09

Because I can't bear for my child to wear uniform that can be purchased from Asda.

Because I'm worried that at a state school my child wouldn't get the intensive support needed to keep up with children of average or above average intelligence.

Because I can't imagine there are many networking opportunities to be had in a state-school PTA.

This seems like a goady thread. Perhaps people send children to the school they like best and some don't mind paying to get a wider choice of schools?

MrsMolesworth · 18/10/2015 22:13

Our DC went to state primary. It was mediocre. So we looked around widely with open minds, not thinking one type of education was better than another. By far the best school we found was a private school. There were loads of well regarded other private schools locally we'd not have spent money on, but this one felt right. DC both adored it and had to be dragged away from its open day.
DS1 is very academic and would have been bullied and ostracised as he had been in primary, had he moved up with his peer group. Now he is happy and popular.
DS2 is very workshy and has ASD. The school has provided so much support for him, at no extra cost. He's had weekly mentor sessions and counselling and weekly meetings with an on-site ASD specialist.
Their interests are nurtured way beyond anything I could have envisaged. Without outing my DS by giving specifics, from the outset they've been given free extra individual and group tuition three times a week, in extra curricular subjects they love as well as trips to top unis who offer this specialism. The school just seems to love its pupils and I can only imagine the teachers have this much energy and appetite for all the add-ons because they're not shattered and ground down by the bureaucracy imposed on teachers by the state, and because the school has zero tolerance of in-class disruption, so they can enjoy teaching not dispel their energy with the kind of crowd-management that so many teachers complain about.

2rebecca · 18/10/2015 22:15

I'm not getting the contacts thing. Maybe a minor private day school in Scotland doesn't do contacts the way Eton does. I certainly made no contacts at my son's school and made no attempt to do so. My son made friends but his friends' parents have no more money or influence than us.
There were some wealthy kids there but they weren't his friends. Not sure they'd help him much in engineering anyway.

BertrandRussell · 18/10/2015 22:20

"I am sure the reasons are as broad as they are long and is a question posed to start a bun fight. Why choose to shop in F&M not waitrose? etc. Why go to the Caribbean and not Blackpool? Why choose to pay more for a something when you can play less? How about we just accept that we all make different choices?"
You are being ironic, aren't you? Please say that isn't a serious post.....

Lurkedforever1 · 18/10/2015 22:20

m4 but if you have comprehensives that in everything but name are like your secondary modern example it's even more unfair. Because it's postcode not ability, and because it's called a comprehensive you have sweet fa grounds to do anything about it.

southeastastra · 18/10/2015 22:21

my kids both went to the local comp.

they are intelligent humans who will do well

apart from the fact that i can't afford £5k per year for some wanky private school

they have so far done well and are grounded not disillusioned like some who have been privately educated.

they are realistic of life opportunities

they realise the old school crap exists in the uk and are willing to challenge it

Mintyy · 18/10/2015 22:25

Sorry to hear that hormonalheap Flowers you must be beside yourself Sad.

Backforthis · 18/10/2015 22:27

£5k wouldn't get you far.

Ubik1 · 18/10/2015 22:28

I think your bog standard so-so private school is probably a waste of money.

But the elite private schools are the ones that open doors through networks and contacts.

Backforthis · 18/10/2015 22:33

Public schools then Ubik1

2rebecca · 18/10/2015 22:34

I think networks are only handy in certain jobs

Ubik1 · 18/10/2015 22:38

Yes. Our local private school has all the cliches - mum = blonde, sunglasses, tracksuit, Porsche 4x4 or Audi TT. Dad in a suit.

They're children will meet mine at university. The only difference will be that their children can ski.

Ubik1 · 18/10/2015 22:40

They're? Their! Bloody autocorrect

NewLife4Me · 18/10/2015 22:41

Ubik

My dd identified this at 8 years old, and said it would be really good for her future for gaining work and told me it should be jobs for the girls Shock
She knew then the bigger impact on attending her school.
I wouldn't have had a clue at her age tbh.
It was Young Musician that really made her see it.

tanukiton · 18/10/2015 22:44

My friend work in a private school. The class room management was a dream. Even the cheekiest child was actually quite motivated. If there was a problem, the parents (usually) were on board to try and sort it out. The level they could then teach at was way above state school.

toffeeboffin · 18/10/2015 22:49

Let's face it, if you could afford it, it's the best option for your child.

Better staff, better kids, better opportunities.

Nothing wrong with state though, but there's a lot that depends on the area, that year's intake etc etc .

Missdread · 18/10/2015 22:51

I love all the comments saying the teachers are "better" at private schools! Believe you me, the very best teachers are those in our wonderful state schools juggling large classes, mixed abilities, a plethora of SEN and EAL children and of course, a host of new statutory curriculum changes each year. In spite of all this, these teachers bring on our kids, inspire them and guide them and honestly, I am in awe of the ace job they do for my kids....

Ubik1 · 18/10/2015 22:51

Isn't it a fact that state education graduates get better degree classifications?
Due to being able to focus on trigonometry while Alan throws chairs across the classroom?

angelos02 · 18/10/2015 22:54

Contacts
That is all

Backforthis · 18/10/2015 22:55

The teachers can get on with teaching in private schools rather than spending their time dealing with behaviour and buried under mountains of pointless paperwork.

Custardo · 18/10/2015 22:57

if I had my time over and I had the money (which I didn't) I would sent my children to private school, ensuring then the best education they could attain according to their abilities not despite the environment that they are in.

this is quite different from arguing the existence of private schools in the first place.