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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to take my children out of school to come to my graduation?

55 replies

Jaffacakesaremyfave · 18/10/2015 11:38

I have 3 DS at primary school and have an upcoming graduation for my MSc in December which is on a Wednesday.

I really want to bring them as I am a SP and their only positive role model (their dad is a waste of space) and I feel it would be great for them to see what can be achieved with hard work and determination. Plus they are the only people I want to share the day with, I worked so hard and missed a lot of quality time with them when studying and it would be great for them to see why I was doing it.

The problem is we have to travel to London from Yorkshire so it would mean they would miss 2 days of school. I'm worried that I will get in trouble with the school if I take them out for two days, although their attendance is good the rest of the time. I personally think that it will add to their education as I am graduating and working in a STEM subject and want to show my boys that women working in this field is normal (my colleagues graduating with me are all women too).

What do you think I should do and how should I approach school about this?

TIA

OP posts:
MaudGonneMad · 18/10/2015 11:41

Are you sure they will all get tickets for the graduation? Most unni restrict to 2 per person.

Graduations are really boring, esp for children.

MaudGonneMad · 18/10/2015 11:41

Congratulations though!

TarkaDarling · 18/10/2015 11:41

YABU they will be bored shitless.

Role modelling is about more than a ceremony.

And you are taking them out of education to teach them the value of education? Confused

AndNowItsSeven · 18/10/2015 11:42

Congratulations , just write to the school and tell them your children won't be attending due to your graduation.
Even if it is unauthorised less than ten sessions ( five days) a term will not result in a fine. Hopefully they will see that it is exceptional.

diddl · 18/10/2015 11:44

Don't the guests & graduands usually sit seperately?

How would that work?

Original poster
Jaffacakesaremyfave · 18/10/2015 11:44

Thanks Maud,

I'm unsure, I've not applied for tickets yet because I can't go if I don't take them with me for childcare reasons. I think the uni will be understanding though as its only MSc students graduating so probably less people than undergrad ones.

I know the ceremony might be boring but I was planning to take them to see their old school friends after and for a nice meal (there is a Caribbean restaurant they love where we used to live). We moved in August and I know they would be so happy to see them.

OP posts:
cantgonofurther · 18/10/2015 11:45

Yes. I agree that it will be very boring for them.

Buttercup27 · 18/10/2015 11:47

I don't think yabu but I would be worried about the logistics. If you do get enough tickets for all three, who would be looking after them during the ceremony? I wouldn't want my primary aged children to be sat on their own in a strange environment with me being stuck on the stage. What happens if they need the loo etc?

QuietIsland2 · 18/10/2015 11:47

If you can get tickets for all of them to go, then I'd definitely approach the school.

I personally wouldn't take ds out of school for a holiday and dh has a book launch in another country soon which ds and I won't be going to as it is mid-week. But in your case you should definitely bring them if you can - well done on your Masters!

Duckdeamon · 18/10/2015 11:47

So what if it's boring? Other things can be fitted in and it's a huge achievement - congratulations! The whole family can celebrate.

I still remember my Mum's graduation.

TurnOffTheTv · 18/10/2015 11:48

Goodness of course take them out. Why two days though? Train after school one day, miss school the next day, train home after graduation?

MaudGonneMad · 18/10/2015 11:48

And you'll have to sit separately and , possibly, enter separately. Then you'll have to process out separately. I don't think its a good idea to leave 3 primary school children on their own.

Nice idea but probably unfeasible. And boring. Why not go yourself, have a nice night out with your classmates, and then celebrate with your DC at the weekend?

VegasIsBest · 18/10/2015 11:50

I can see why you'd want your kids to be at such a significant event. Much might want to consider practical arrangements before making a decision. As other posters have said you may be restrict to two tickets - although you may be able to buy more.

At my graduation the graduates were separate from family and friends for the whole 1.5 hour ceremony. How old are your kids and could you trust them to sit quietly on their own for that long? This is a once in a lifetime event for everyone involved so it wouldn't be fair if they disrupted the ceremony or even just the people around them during the ceremony.

QuietIsland2 · 18/10/2015 11:50

I'd hate to see you miss your graduation - bring then if you can get tickets.

diddl · 18/10/2015 11:51

Perhaps the friends/family of someone else who is graduating would look after them during the ceremony?

Ethelswith · 18/10/2015 11:51

They won't be able to sit with you during the ceremony. And if they are all primary school age, that's a long time to leave them in an audience (don't these things go on for a couple of hours?). So on a practical note, you'll need to invite another adult.

That's 4 tickets, which may or may not be allowed. The bit of London University I know doesn't have frequent masters ceremonies, so they tend to be just as vast as undergraduate ones.

Fairenuff · 18/10/2015 11:52

Who will look after them whilst you are sitting with the graduates waiting to be called up?

MaidOfStars · 18/10/2015 11:53

It's a really nice thought but practically a nightmare.

Tickets will be restricted, although you may be able to access last minute ones. Do you want to risk that?
Unless your ceremony is completely different to any I've been to, you will be seated apart from them. Apart as in a different section of the auditorium apart. Who will look after them? I doubt very much that the organisers will allow them to be unaccompanied.
Ceremonies are pretty boring for those participating, even more so for those watchung.

Lilymaid · 18/10/2015 11:53

It is a great day for you but the ceremony would be tedious for the DC. You would have to sit separately unless the university can make special arrangements re your seating and there are often initial restrictions on numbers of tickets for guests. Also, you usually have to be seated well before the ceremony starts. I would have a think about how you can share this achievement in another way.

QuietIsland2 · 18/10/2015 11:54

Would it be possible for you to be seated with your kids during the ceremony and then slip up to the podium?

TurquoiseCat · 18/10/2015 11:57

If it's anything like my old job (admin for DL MSc) then you will be entitled to buy 2 tickets. You would have to apply for at least one extra ticket.

The staff may not be happy to have three children sat on their own - you would be sat separately in the hall - so you may need to order 2 spare tickets and get someone to sit with them.

Check which other degrees are being awarded - out MSc course was small, but they lumped us together with a similar course with a lot of students, so the ceremony took hours.

Our MSc students always brought their children though - as our HoD used to say, they have been though the studying with you!

And congratulations! Grin

MaidOfStars · 18/10/2015 12:00

Would it be possible for you to be seated with your kids during the ceremony and then slip up to the podium?
Most ceremonies are rigorously and ruthlessly organised. You are told when to sit, when to stand, when to walk, where to go to, how to shake hands, stay in line etc. Your name is cross-checked about five times, and your position within your designated line confirmed repeatedly.

I personally can't see this happening, unless it's a much less formal process than most.

nathbod · 18/10/2015 12:03

I'd be surprised if they allow you to buy enough tickets for your dc and carer. At my unis we've always been restricted to 2. I did my MSc as a single mum as well but I didn't even bother going to my graduation, and I don't think it's really necessary to bring your dc across the country and out of school to set an example. It's enough that they've seen you studying, they'll see your certificate and going to work in a STEM career and that will be enough.

Original poster
Jaffacakesaremyfave · 18/10/2015 12:04

Thanks for your responses everyone. I guess I hadn't thought too much about the logistics of it all as I'm still considering whether or not it would be feasible, sadly I guess it's looking like a no Sad My Ds's are 7, 9 and 11.

My brother and niece (aged 19) live in London but not sure if they would want to come just to babysit and means getting an extra ticket.

I guess I could do it all in a day but would be a very long day as train is around 2.5 hours each way and wanted to enjoy the evening with them.

Tarka I can see the contradiction but weighing it up, they would hopefully remember being at my graduation whereas I'm pretty sure they won't remember whatever lessons they will be having on the 1-2 days of school in 10 years time.

Duck, how old were you at your mums graduation? Do you remember being bored?

OP posts:
QuietIsland2 · 18/10/2015 12:08

Yes, I know Maid I've been through two graduations if my own and countless others as an academic.

However I feel in this case it would be a great pity if Jaffa could not attend her graduation after all her hard work. If I was her tutor I'd see if there was something that could be done to facilitate her.

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