Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to take my children out of school to come to my graduation?

55 replies

Jaffacakesaremyfave · 18/10/2015 11:38

I have 3 DS at primary school and have an upcoming graduation for my MSc in December which is on a Wednesday.

I really want to bring them as I am a SP and their only positive role model (their dad is a waste of space) and I feel it would be great for them to see what can be achieved with hard work and determination. Plus they are the only people I want to share the day with, I worked so hard and missed a lot of quality time with them when studying and it would be great for them to see why I was doing it.

The problem is we have to travel to London from Yorkshire so it would mean they would miss 2 days of school. I'm worried that I will get in trouble with the school if I take them out for two days, although their attendance is good the rest of the time. I personally think that it will add to their education as I am graduating and working in a STEM subject and want to show my boys that women working in this field is normal (my colleagues graduating with me are all women too).

What do you think I should do and how should I approach school about this?

TIA

OP posts:
Fairenuff · 18/10/2015 12:10

You could do it if your children didn't go to the actual ceremony but instead were looked after by your brother and niece. They could meet you when you come out and have photographs taken with you, etc.

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 18/10/2015 12:15

I've been to a few graduations. DP's was the most recent and they asked for 1:1 care for children below 15, as the ceremony is long and the graduation place was old and required some navigating.

In all cases, guests got separated an hour or two before the ceremony, graduates went for a speech etc. Guests came in to sit down, waved at graduates if we could see them. Graduation happened, very slowly, graduates left the room or stood at the back once they'd got their certificates. Guests went outside, graduates went to have group photos and get champagne. Guests waited whilst graduates had more photos, eventually everyone mingled and guests took photos too. Graduates took back hat and gown and people talked and eventually dispersed.

I think for small children, it'd be quite long and boring and whilst they'd enjoy seeing you on stage, it might not be as impactful as it would be if they were older.

Usual practise is that everyone gets 2 tickets, then students ask for additional tickets and it's confirmed how many they got. Most unis tend to give additional tickets to international students who have flown family over first, in my experience, but some probably do first-come, first-served. For some getting 3 was quite easy, for some it wasn't possible. We've never got 4.

If you don't take them, can you still attend? I'd sort childcare (even just sleepovers, if needs be) and go on my own, buy the official photo with the money you saved from train tickets and show them when you get back. There's usually a good recording, too.

QuietIsland2 · 18/10/2015 12:16

As Fair suggested - then they could see you process in and out, it skips the ceremony part but they'd get some sense of the occasion. I don't know if there are summer graduations but you might not wish to wait until then. Would solve the issue of taking them out of school.

MaidOfStars · 18/10/2015 12:17

Yes, I know Maid I've been through two graduations if my own and countless others as an academic
Even more baffling that you suggested it then Wink

OP, a lot of places will stream a live feed of the ceremony onto a screen somewhere close to the auditorium. This is usually unticketed and open to all. Can you find out if your uni is doing this? If so, your brother might be willing to look after the children and watch this with them?

QuietIsland2 · 18/10/2015 12:22

No it's not Maid. I think it's that we go the extra mile for our students, if we can.

If you're thinking of doing a PhD Jaffa come to my Uni! I'll mind your kids at that graduation!

theycallmemellojello · 18/10/2015 12:29

Congratulations on your degree, but no, sorry, I don't think you should. The statistics are very clear that even a few school absences have a measureable impact on grades (and with a few days off sick they'd easily be brought up to the threshold where it makes a difference attainment-wise). They will have seen your hard work and understand your achievement: their going to your ceremony will have no impact whatsoever on this. You'll be teaching them more about hard work and achievement by sending them to school. Sorry to be harsh as it's obvious you really want them there - which is understandable - but I think you want them there for you not for them. And clearly, the fact that you'd like them to be there is not a good reason to interfere with their right to education.

theycallmemellojello · 18/10/2015 12:31

And I agree with PPs that degree ceremonies are deadly dull even for adults. For primary age children I think attending one might be more likely to put them off education than encourage them in it!

ComposHatComesBack · 18/10/2015 12:31

I have sat through all three of my sister's graduation ceremonies and the postgraduate ones were the dullest. She got her degree awarded early on and then there was two hours of watching 100s of undergraduates file past. As an adult I was bored rigid and was figeting in my chair, surreptitiously checking my phone etc. I think the likelihood of three even generally well behaved under 12s left on their own playing up is extremely high.

I'd echo what other people have said: brother or niece goes with you, the other takes the kids to do something fun whilst the ceremony is on and then meet for the pictures outside and a nice family meal.

mygrandchildrenrock · 18/10/2015 12:54

When I graduated with my first degree, my children were 12, 9 and 7 and came. They may have been bored, no-one remembers now, but we have some great memories of the day, including photos of each of them trying my cap and gown on. Instead of a formal photograph of just me, I had one of the 4 of us. We had a really good day.
It was so long ago, I can't remember if it was a school day or not. If you take them, make sure you take a bag with snacks, colouring books, crayons etc. As you say an M.Sc. graudation shouldn't be too long.
Congratulations and whatever you decide, I hope you enjoy your day.

ComposHatComesBack · 18/10/2015 13:23

my grandchildren in the four postgraduate degree ceremonies I've attended either as a guest or as the graduating student they've been tacked onto a far longer undergraduate ceremony rather than being postgraduates only.

The funs bits - trying on the mortarboard , posing for pictures etc can be done without putting the children and possibly those sitting nearby through an unpleasant time.

Ragwort · 18/10/2015 13:31

I think it would be utterly boring for your children and you - I didn't even go to my own graduation. Grin.

The fact you have achieved your postgraduate degree is fantastic but I don't think your children need to sit through the ceremony to understand what you have done.

dogwalker75 · 18/10/2015 13:42

I don't think you're being unreasonable. I'd ask another adult to come and sit with them. If they say they're happy to, then see about getting the extra tickets.

My DS was 2 when I graduated, so he stayed outside the ceremony hall with my sister. I paid for a picture of us all together instead. I don't regret taking him and I'll be doing it again when I get my MA Smile Maybe you could do this instead if you can't get the tickets?

Kerberos · 18/10/2015 13:45

I would take them! And find a way of making it work. They have been a part of the process of you getting the degree. I'm sure with some planning and thought you can figure out a plan. Agree a long ceremony sitting by themselves is not feasible.

As for missing school? Wouldn't even give it a second thought for something like this. Such an important achievement for you and you deserve to be able to celebrate with them too.

2ndSopranosRule · 18/10/2015 13:52

I've been to numerous graduations. They are long and can be rather boring. You're expected to be seated a long time in advance. Every year we have graduands turning up with youngish children and every year there's been an issue. We don't allow under 5s at all and every year someone will turn up with a toddler. I appreciate yours are older.

There are better ways to demonstrate your achievement to your children. I wouldn't be focusing on the taking out of school thing but focus on the feasibility of three unaccompanied children at a graduation.

saltlakecity · 18/10/2015 14:14

I didn't even want to go to my own graduation (both times). They are deathly dull. Can't even imagine how boring it would be to a child. Agree with others that they can't sit alone for that length of time either.

canyou · 18/10/2015 14:32

Ok so you may have childcare from a family member so I would have tge DC at the venu get the pics and let them go for icecream for the ceremony College will know the length of time they allow for thw ceremony so they can be back in time for the end.
I am in Irl so would have no worries about taking them out of school for the two days kept mine out last week to see their Dad come home from a United Nations trip and go to the zoo

HPsauciness · 18/10/2015 14:46

I don't think you will get four tickets anyway (you definitely would need an adult to mind them, you can't leave a 7 year old alone in a huge auditorium kicking their sister or whatever!)

Don't feel like though that you can't be proud of yourself. Why not get your certificate sent to you, show it to them and then have a celebratory meal? I had some work success recently and we had a cheap bottle of champagne and my kids got me a card.

Logistically, grad ceremonies are really not the place for three unsupervised children, it's just not ok at all (as you risk spoiling everyone elses too).

FluffyNinja · 18/10/2015 14:56

I agree with PP's about getting your relative to look after the children in a nearby cafe for the hour or so of the actual ceremony.

You're only on stage very briefly and everyone sits clapping all the other graduates for ages, until your hands ache. Plus the endless speeches! It's dull enough for adults, let alone young children.

Ring the office organising the degree ceremony and ask them for advice. They'll be able to give you an accurate idea about ticket numbers and timings. In the ones I used to organise, you needed to be sat about 45 mins before the start of the ceremony. The ceremonies were shortened during my tenure, but they still took about 80 mins before you could leave.

My advice? Once it's over, grab the kids for photo opportunities and then treat everyone to a nice lunch somewhere.

Ejay1808 · 18/10/2015 15:34

When I graduated in July I took my boys (5 and 1). I had two tickets which my parents used in the hall and my husband took our children to the viewing room - which was a class room with a Web link to the service. Hopefully they'll have something similar then your children can watch you graduate and leave with minimal fuss if you can find someone to have them.

Uni is hard work and the graduation is the end of a very stressful era so I think it's nice to celebrate. I know I will have fond memories of graduation even though I doubt my boys will. Congratulations as well!

Original poster
Jaffacakesaremyfave · 18/10/2015 17:45

Thanks everyone. I think it's best for me not to go. I really don't think my brother would want to help out and I couldn't leave them to sit alone.

Quiet, I'm applying for a PhD in March next year and I wish I could do it at your university as you sound lovely. Unfortunately it will be a clinical one through work and therefore I won't have a lot of choice which uni I will be attached to.

Maybe in 4 years time I can bring my boys to the graduation for that Smile

OP posts:
NumbBlaseCold · 18/10/2015 17:53

We got at DVD of our Graduation, could you get that instead?

We were completely separate from everyone else when graduating.

Your children couldn't be left alone so long and expected to sit still and behave, the littlest especially would be bored and look for you and I doubt you would get 4 tickets to have a relative with them.

You also usually only get two tickets.

NumbBlaseCold · 18/10/2015 17:54

Cannot you go and graduate without them?

Is there no one to babysit?

Caboodle · 18/10/2015 20:52

Yanbu at all. This is really special day and, as you say, will be remembered by you all long after those lessons at school are forgotten. My boys (similar ages) could sit through a graduation and only you know if yours can. Huge congratulations btw-to do this on your own as a SP is inspring. To my mind this is definitely 'exceptional circs'

Blu · 19/10/2015 05:11

Would your niece help out? Take the kids somewhere nice and meet you for the mingling and photos outside ? I guess it depends on the venue. I have seen lots of people outside the Royal Festival Hall in their gowns having their photos taken. The atmosphere is always very good , and that would make it easy for your kids to be part of the celebration .

MidniteScribbler · 19/10/2015 06:58

I'll have my PhD graduation soon, and I'm going to have a friend babysit DS and bring him over just as we're filing out. I can get some photos with him, then off for a nice meal. The ceremony will be long and boring, but I want him to see me all decked out and feeling proud of myself.

Please do go to your ceremony. It's a massive achievement, especially as a single parent, I know how much work goes in to it. As boring as they may be, there is no way I'm missing mine, and my boss has given me the afternoon off to attend as he agrees that it is important.