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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be peeved at £80 class kitty demand by class rep??

142 replies

Mrbrowncanpoocanyou · 18/10/2015 09:22

I am pretty annoyed by this. DS is in an independent school and we can just about afford the fees. A demand was sent for £80 quid per child (10 kids on the class). £800 for gifts for teacher, TA, gifts at Christmas, flowers as a thank you after the class nativity seems ludicrously exorbitant. I would much rather buy our own presents but I feel as if I will end alienating myself and ds if we don't pay. There was no mention of it being voluntary. I don't know if this standard in schools?

OP posts:
sooperdooper · 18/10/2015 09:24

£80??? That's more than I spend on most family members at Christmas, that's ludicrous, say no

Aeroflotgirl · 18/10/2015 09:24

I woukd not give, just say you will be sorting your own.

arethereanyleftatall · 18/10/2015 09:25

Omg, that's crazy!
They always say that the actual fees at public school are only a portion of the actual costs.

Lonecatwithkitten · 18/10/2015 09:26

Not common no. Sometimes I have done my own thing and not paid when I have joined in it has been £5 or £10.

Aeroflotgirl · 18/10/2015 09:26

It's a heck of a lot if money, it should be up to individuals what they give, I bet as a teacher he/she will be embarrassed by such expensive gifts.

JumpingJack56 · 18/10/2015 09:27

Stuff that! As much as I appreciate teaching and support staff I don't even spend that on my partner at Christmas. Tell them you are sorting your own gifts out.

helenahandbag · 18/10/2015 09:27

£80 is what I spend on my parents and brother and Christmas. Combined!

That's a ridiculous amount for a school to ask for.

Bogburglar99 · 18/10/2015 09:27

Crikey! Have been contemplating doing a class kitty for DDs (wonderful) teacher and the sum in my head was an entirely voluntary £5-£10. And was worrying that was over the odds for some parents!

Gobbolinothewitchscat · 18/10/2015 09:30

Absolutely not - that is ridiculous.

Do something separate with your DC if you want. Personally, I do not think that teachers should be given presents (apart from token mementos when DC leave the class) just for doing their jobs.

KoalaDownUnder · 18/10/2015 09:30

That is absolutely ridiculous.

Original poster
Mrbrowncanpoocanyou · 18/10/2015 09:31

Maybe they assume if you can afford the fees you can afford that. I think twice before treating myself to anything in case ds will need anything. I just worry I am the only one who doesn't contribute.

OP posts:
SleepyForest · 18/10/2015 09:31

She would have to pay tax on that gift. It would be a proper pain in the bum. My kids go private and I always give the child £10 and let them choose a mug or chocs. Gifts are supposed to be personal.

I did have a teacher who, on receiving her cash/voucher gift got each child whose mum had signed the card to come up to the front for a big pointed thank you. As if the kids had any input at all. Cow.

Tell her to do one.

cardibach · 18/10/2015 09:34

I teach in an independent school. Thankfully nobody there does this.

Aeroflotgirl · 18/10/2015 09:34

Don't worry, I woukd do your own thing, it's way too much.

Chrysanthemum5 · 18/10/2015 09:34

I don't think that's common practise. The DCs are at an independent school and at Christmas etc someone will volunteer to do a collection (usually £5 each) but not everyone donates and that's fine - sometimes people like to give hand made gifts.

The problem for you is that your class is so small - only 10 children so it will be noticed if people don't participate. I think £80 is completely over the top, ask around I'm sure other parents will not want to pay that amount and you'll want to not be the only one declining.

And this is a different point but I never understand how people are so keen to buy gifts for teachers who are paid, but refuse to do anything for scout/guide leaders who give their time voluntarily. I'm not saying teachers don't deserve gifts, but it seems an odd attitude.

TheGreenNinja · 18/10/2015 09:35

That's crazy. I'm a class rep at an independent school and we've been told if we want to arrange pooling money for gifts to ensure that everyone knows it's entirely voluntary, there's no pressure to give, and no amount is suggested, it's up to each family to give what they would like. That's how it should be.

HedgieRobin · 18/10/2015 09:36

Send a message as follows " Hi ClassMum, Just letting you know you have sent out the wrong amounts in your email, it says £80 rather than £8 per child, and I think there's some very confused mums! You would have a huge tax bill if we put £80 in each, can you imagine! What would you even buy for £800!! Anyway, see you Monday, love MrsBrown"

YoureAllABunchOfBastards · 18/10/2015 09:37

Fuck that!

simonettavespucci · 18/10/2015 09:40

I thought this was going to be about a very expensive cat :(

elQuintoConyo · 18/10/2015 09:40

How about, "no, sorry, we'll be organising our own gifts, as we do every year". Perhaps without the 'sorry'. It shows you won't be coughing up this year or any year, but without it sounding like it is because you (1) can't afford it, (2) think it is too much, (3) weren't born yesterday, (4) would like to spend more on your own mother than school. Or a mix of all 4.

My niece is at a fee-paying school (we're abtoad, ut isn't private, but it is paid), the extra stuff they have to contribute us incredible. For carnaval, they had to wear a different fancy dress EVERY DAY FOR A WEEK on a different theme: Monday farm animal, Tuesday flowers, Wednesday a uniform... etc. They had to buy black shoes for the Christmas concert because niece didn't have any. For a Christmas concert. She was 3. (No, no Primark nearby). They're constantly pulling ballachey tasks out of their arse for parents.

Having said that, I was at boarding school in the 80s, and bar uniforms and the odd school trip, my parents weren't hit up for anything!

You might find, OP, that if you said "no way, Jose" to the £80, many relieved parents might follow suit.

simonettavespucci · 18/10/2015 09:41

In answer to your question, yes that's ridiculous. I went to an independent school - no one did anything like that.

Lowdoorinthewall · 18/10/2015 09:42

I think the teacher and school would be mortified if they knew about this.

It is one parent gone crazy IMO. My DS is at a school where, for one reason and another, there are lots of very wealthy parents (we are not- DS is a staff kid) and money is NEVER bandied about in this way. So it is not a 'private school thing'.

As a teacher myself, I would not accept £100 gift, never mind £800.

WalterandWinifred · 18/10/2015 09:43

I have both been a parent at and taught at different independent schools (South East) and that is way over anything I've ever been asked to contribute or have received. This year we have a (totally, and genuinely, voluntary) £20 to cover the year. What if you had 4 DC at the school- £320 on teacher gifts?! I don't think so.

It sounds like an enthusiastic but naive class rep and I would have no qualms at all about not contributing. I bet you're not the only one.

Goingtobeawesome · 18/10/2015 09:44

At our previous very expensive but shitty school ds wanted to give the teacher his own gift rather than join in with the soulless, thoughtless joint gift so we did. Only child who didn't. Couldn't care less. The kids won't alienate him and if the parents do they are twats.

OhBigHairyBollocks · 18/10/2015 09:45

No. Way. That is absolutely fecking ridiculous.