To be peeved at £80 class kitty demand by class rep??

[Mrbrowncanpoocanyou]

I am pretty annoyed by this. DS is in an independent school and we can just about afford the fees. A demand was sent for £80 quid per child (10 kids on the class). £800 for gifts for teacher, TA, gifts at Christmas, flowers as a thank you after the class nativity seems ludicrously exorbitant. I would much rather buy our own presents but I feel as if I will end alienating myself and ds if we don't pay. There was no mention of it being voluntary. I don't know if this standard in schools?

[Caprinihahahaha]

Yep - agree with Aeroflot.

Collecting for compulsory gifts for the children is bollocks.

[Lowdoorinthewall]

TheStripeyGruffalo I'm glad if you feel this thread vindicates your decision but the vast majority of people on here who use/ work in Independent schools have said nothing of this sort goes on.

[NeedsAsockamnesty]

Who has asked for this?

Another parent or the actual school? That way it's easier to work out if it's a demand or not.

Fwiw all my kids are at different schools, two of them have a no purchased gift policy so only allow their staff to accept cards and handmade items but they will also allow small token gifts that you haven't made.

At one we have a £60 per child at start of year gift fund but that covers birthday gifts for all the CHILDREN and end of school year gifts for all staff. Anything that is left over gets used for a trip for the kids if there is enough like the cinema or something or if not enough it gets carried forward.

The others are just do your own thing but it is made very clear that group high value gifts are a no no due to the tax implications for the teacher.

[Mrbrowncanpoocanyou]

Sorry for the confusion re presents for the kids. There isn't a separate class fund for this. I meant that I would happily buy birthday gifts for the kids (TK Maxx is my friend for this ).

[TheStripyGruffalo]

Yes, I know most aren't like that. However, I was against the idea of private schools because of the seemingly constant need to keep up financially with the wealthy parents, friends who have sent their children to private schools are now telling me how their children are wanting designer label things and complaining that 'they only have a superdry coat' and are 'only going on a package holiday to Spain' and 'only live in a 4 bedroom house' etc etc.
Added to which, one has spent a fortune on their twins going to private school and they 'only' got B and C grades at GCSEs, I'd be livid if I'd spent that much money and they got worse grades than the children at the local comprehensive that they were so keen to avoid.

[Lowdoorinthewall]

Money can't buy grades. DH deals with an endless stream of parents who have clearly not grasped this and are VERY disappointed at the end!

[TheStripyGruffalo]

I think a lot of people do have the expectation that money = grades. Certainly the two families I know chose private schools because they wanted their DC to get the grades needed for Oxbridge/Ivy League universities and have been disappointed.

[CremeBrulee]

£80 is far too much. At my DS's small Indy prep school there is no set contribution but most give between £5 and £10 to the teachers present collection that is done at the end of each term.

I'm sure some of the wealthier parents give far more but there is no expectation or obligation.

[mateysmum]

Stay firm OP. The class rep needs to get a grip. This money can in no way be compulsory. You can either simply ignore the demand: write back to the class rep saying that you will not be not be giving and please stop hassling (you do not need to explain why): or you give what you can afford/think is appropriate in "full and final settlement".

DS has always been to independent school and we have NEVER been asked for anything like that. Fortunately he's older now, but I think from the threads I see on here the whole teacher gift thing has got out of hand.

[mateysmum]

Oh and if the rep is sending out 2nd reminders sounds like you're not the only one who hasn't coughed up.

[FrankUnderwoodsWife]

The reason our school does the kitty for class presents for the teachers is because the individual present giving was getting totally out of hand.

Teacher were getting (and still occasionally get) designer handbags, jewellery, holidays etc.

The £100 per child to cover all presents was down to the gift getting increasingly more expensive and the situation was embarrassing for the parents and the teachers.

[mummyofmany5]

My dad went to independent school for the first 3 years and they would never dream of asking for this! The teachers and staff get flowers after celebration day and if they are leaving and we get a letter just before asking for donations but it is never assumed you'd give. The school we were part of (and that is the important thing to say) never assume parents can easily afford to pay, they understand that most of the parents sacrifice so much to send them and this is really appreciated. What does happen though is to arrange a lot of charity/PTA events that collectively raise money. They have 2 non-uniform days per term and this costs £1 each day. With just over 110 children in preprep, it raises funds really easily and parents are happy to do it this way. Some parents give more because they feel they want to. I couldn't afford to give more so I baked cakes! That went down better than the money.....lol

[mummyofmany5]

My daughter that was meant to be...

[EldonAve]

Welcome to MN

[NoMoreGrimble]

Total bonkers. Ours is £20 and covers Christmas and end of year gifts. When £25 was suggested at the start of this year there was uproar. The email that comes round always stresses that it's totally voluntary and we don't get lots of follow up / chasing emails if you don't participate.

[celtictoast]

YANBU

[bloodyteenagers]

I wouldn't do it.
A gift over £250 has to be declared to taxman. So not really a gift for the teacher when they didn't ask for it and they have the privilege of paying for it.
We kept reminding parents not to send in gifts. It was ignored and A few sent in very expensive gifts and all returned.

[nowirehangers]

YANBU, don't want to put the exact amount and out myself but dcs in a central London prep - the older one has always been asked for £20 a year but the younger one in a very bling year has been asked for much, much more and I am furious. A few of us complained and were told it wasn't compulsory but of course you feel you should contribute.

It puts pressure on people struggling to cover the feees and shows a total lack of sensitivity from the class reps imo, in fact I'm almost tempted to send this thread to the rep in question

[ImperialBlether]

Eldon, if you think the OP isn't genuine, report the thread to MNHQ, rather than giving her passive aggressive biscuits!

[Hocusfocus]

We do £40/yr - but it is for everything that might come up.

[TheWatchersCouncil]

That is excessive. Our (voluntary) contribution (again, private school) was £20 per child to cover all presents for all teachers and TAs (both routine and sudden - e.g. if they go on maternity leave) and all presents for classmates if they e.g. have a hospital stay or an extended period of illness.

I thought that was reasonable, and I was quite happy to then not have to think about it or remember to bring a contribution in for a specific occasion.

[MrsCorbyn]

I don't think it sounds like much tbh

[Waltermittythesequel]

Ok but £80 over the year for a few different people...that's not that much broken down is it?

[Topseyt]

Bollocks to that. Just donate what you can afford. You are under no obligation to donate anything at all, and that kind of demand would have me running in the opposite direction.

[steppemum]

my kids teachers and TAs get a christmas tree decoration (a nicely done one) or chocolates made by the child.

At the end of the year they get a card from me with a long note in thanking them for what they have done through the year and a present from the dc, which may be made or bought.

I would laugh in the face of anyone asking me for money, £5 or £80.