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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be peeved at £80 class kitty demand by class rep??

142 replies

Mrbrowncanpoocanyou · 18/10/2015 09:22

I am pretty annoyed by this. DS is in an independent school and we can just about afford the fees. A demand was sent for £80 quid per child (10 kids on the class). £800 for gifts for teacher, TA, gifts at Christmas, flowers as a thank you after the class nativity seems ludicrously exorbitant. I would much rather buy our own presents but I feel as if I will end alienating myself and ds if we don't pay. There was no mention of it being voluntary. I don't know if this standard in schools?

OP posts:
Alfieisnoisy · 18/10/2015 11:05

Is it a possible type error?

Honestly how can anyone think this is a reasonable request?

Do let us know.

RaspberryOverload · 18/10/2015 11:07

I think I've heard that gifts to teachers can be taxed, wonder if the class rep knows about that.

Original poster
Mrbrowncanpoocanyou · 18/10/2015 11:09

It is a demand as I received my second reminder Angry. It does cover the whole school year but £800 is still hugely extravagant.

OP posts:
Original poster
Mrbrowncanpoocanyou · 18/10/2015 11:10

It definitely isn't an error. I wish it was.

OP posts:
ilovesooty · 18/10/2015 11:11

If it's being demanded like this the head teacher needs to know.

RattusRattus · 18/10/2015 11:12

We used to do this at the school I was at. We each put in £50. It was optional but everyone did it because in the long run it saved money.

It covered a birthday present for each of the kids so they each got one bigger present from all of their friends rather than lots and lots of little presents that they didn't want / like and all presents and flowers for the teacher & TA for Xmas / Easter / end of year. It also covered gifts if one of the staff got married / had a baby etc.

So whilst it was a big initial outlay it meant that in the end it was cheaper than buying individual gifts and it also meant that it stopped the constant requests for money for various reasons thought the year.

So each kid would get a present worth about £20 - £25 and the rest of the money would be given via flowers / wine / chocs / vouchers to the staff over the year.

If you were to do it yourself you'd spend that easily on just birthday gifts for kids.

Any money left over was carried over into the next year.

babybarrister · 18/10/2015 11:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheStripyGruffalo · 18/10/2015 11:13

It's ridiculous. This kind of nonsense is precisely why we didn't send our children to private schools.

PeopleLieActionsDont · 18/10/2015 11:17

I also don't understand this culture of buying expensive gifts for teachers. No disrespect meant but they are actually paid to teach our kids - they are not doing it purely from the goodness of their hearts.

Children like buying a card and some chocs but anything more than that is ridiculously excessive, especially once you factor in TAs and your dcs favourite dinner ladies etc!

OP, someone has to draw a line. In your shoes I would tell the rep it is excessive and I would be making my own arrangements. The silly cow needs reeling in and reminding that not everyone has a bottomless pit of money to squander.

Caprinihahahaha · 18/10/2015 11:17

Well except that the huge number of people on here with children at private school say nothing of the sort happens at their school

It's a bit much to blame a whole sector for one bonkers class rep.

Confused
FrankUnderwoodsWife · 18/10/2015 11:18

My DD goes to a central London Prep school and and we do do a collection at the beginning of the year for the class teacher and assistant.

The contribution amount is £100 per child from the class, and from that we give both teachers christmas, easter, birthday flowers and end of year presents!

Mynameismummy · 18/10/2015 11:18

That seems a lot. If it's helpful, I suggested our gift was raised from £15 to £20 last year (independent school) as it went round a teacher and 1.5 TAs (if that makes sense) so be could get some theatre tokens that would actually cover the cost of 2 seats. £80 seems excessive.

Caprinihahahaha · 18/10/2015 11:22

I would definitely go back and say
"thanks for the reminder. I'm sorry, I did intend to let you know sooner that I don't intend to contribute. I think it's much more personal if my DC chooses the gift themselves."

If she does come back and say it is compulsory tell her you will have to make an appointment with the check to question this because, if it's compulsory it should be in the school information. There is no shame in not being able to afford such a large sum of money. Lots of parents will be stretched by having to find that especially if, as someone said up thread, they have more than one child at the school

Caprinihahahaha · 18/10/2015 11:22

*Appointment with the head

Original poster
Mrbrowncanpoocanyou · 18/10/2015 11:27

I wouldn't mind if it included an allowance for birthday presents for each child but that is separate and I really don't mind buying gifts for kids.

OP posts:
FrankUnderwoodsWife · 18/10/2015 11:27

MrBrown, I would suggest you offer to pay what you can afford. Don't be bullied into paying the £80. Unfortunately some of the parents (mothers) who are on the PA and take on the class rep role feel they can belittle and bully their fellow class mothers.

Don't bother taking it up with the school as it has nothing to do with them. My only suggestion would be to chat to the head of the PA and ask her to have a word with your class rep.
These contributions are entirely voluntary, so don't get sucked in to thinking otherwise and don't be embarrassed about offering to pay a lower amount.

In our school it is the wealthiest parents who always complain and resent paying this gift fee. Unlike the social climbers

birdsdestiny · 18/10/2015 11:28

Do teachers in independent schools not have guidance over the gifts they can accept. As far as I am aware all other professions in children's services have very strict rules about this, and there are very good reasons for this. If the School is allowing this then I would had concerns about their practice.

OstentatiousBreastfeeder · 18/10/2015 11:29

Wait, you buy each child in the class a birthday present too? Even if your kid doesn't attend their party? Shock

WeAllHaveWings · 18/10/2015 11:30

The way I'd read that is the £800 is not all to the teacher

gifts for teacher

WeAllHaveWings · 18/10/2015 11:33

You have an allowance for presents for the kids? Who organises this? If it was a parent I'd be saying no thanks. Stuff that, what if the kid is a little bugger that bullies your child!!!

The whole setup takes away all the learning/feelings your child should experience from choosing, buying and personally giving gifts.

popandboo · 18/10/2015 11:35

Hi, parents at the school I teach at did this. When the teachers found out we politely stopped it. You won't be the only one who finds it too much but you might be the bravest by being the first to admit it.

Caprinihahahaha · 18/10/2015 11:38

Say what?

An allowance for kids presents?

That's ridiculous. I'm finding it hard to believe any parents go along with this guff.
Are you sure you have not misunderstood?

Caprinihahahaha · 18/10/2015 11:39

Who buys the children's presents ?
When are they given it? Are they all given the same thing? What happens if the child has their birthday in the summer, or at Easter?

Aeroflotgirl · 18/10/2015 11:40

I would draw the headteachers attention to it, fine, it being a voluntary thing, but if you are being hassled, that is unacceptable.

ilovesooty · 18/10/2015 11:41

I think it has a lot to do with the school and the head teacher needs to know.