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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to wonder why some people get so worked up over such trivial things?

34 replies

coffeeisnectar · 17/10/2015 01:00

Or even things that don't affect them?

I wonder if because my life is so stressful that I just don't have the energy to get annoyed by the little things any more or if I'm just bellowing out as I get older.

But find it bewildering that some people get so invested in the lives of extended family or friends when the decisions they make don't even affect them? Or they are screaming blue murder because their dc aren't at mensa level by year 4. Or because someone in waitrose looked at them funny and its ruined their day.

Do people really go through life so cross all the time? Do you have such stress free lives that you need something to get worked up about?

I do think some people thrive on never ending drama.

OP posts:

AnemonesCloser · 17/10/2015 01:07

I'm going to 'bellow out' as I get older too! Watch out world, hear me roar

Do you mean on MN or in life in general?

TigerFeat · 17/10/2015 01:17

I have a friend who is like this. In small doses, she is very entertaining, but I am constantly worried that she's going to pop a blood vessel.

Yesterday she was livid on my son's behalf (minor skirmish with another kid). Neither he nor I, genuinely, thought it was anything to get het up over .

Original poster

coffeeisnectar · 17/10/2015 01:18

Both really. On here are loads of threads about things that I just shrug at and wonder why they are so worked up.

In rl I know a few people who aren't happy unless they are falling out with someone and having an on going feud. It's all a bit pointless and a waste of energy.

OP posts:

Senpai · 17/10/2015 01:54

There's actually a scientific explanation for this.

Your brain is actually hard wired to be able to cope with trauma very well. So if you get in a car accident you'll learn to cope, have support from family, and generally move on. But with little things, it's not registered as trauma so your brain doesn't work at slowly processing it, and you feel the full frustrating rage of it, which is why a person can act fine under stress but then flip out because someone took a pen from his desk.

I'll have to find the link. It's an interesting study.

CantSleepClownsWillEatMe · 17/10/2015 02:04

I wonder with some of them in RL do they have very small lives? As in they've little going on so even anything slightly out of the ordinary becomes bigger to them than what it really is? If that even makes sense, it's late, I'm on meds!

Here on MN though I reckon people have just got into the habit of going ott. They've seen others describe themselves as "utterly enraged", "shaking with anger" etc and start using it even when the thing that mildly pissed them off was Tesco running out of their favourite bin bags.

Original poster

coffeeisnectar · 17/10/2015 03:09

That is interesting senpal. It might explain why the guy who had to wait four minutes for his food order at my daughter's work tonight threw a full cup of coke through the drive through window at the poor lad manning it. Still, if he had an accident on the way home it's reassuring to know he will deal with it better :o

Cantsleep (I also can't sleep, even after taking my meds!) I do think some people must have very mundane lives so something like a loaf of bread being squashed might set off an outpouring of rage but this is something most of us would be mildly pissed off about. Not asking if they should ring the manager and demand the packers head on a plate.

I do get annoyed with busy shops, people driving too slowly or just general day to day trivial stuff but mostly I'm too tired to get angry and too engrossed in my life to worry what others are doing if it doesn't affect me.

OP posts:

MistressDeeCee · 17/10/2015 03:18

I am very conscious of not sweating the small stuff & refusing to get het up. Drivers cutting me up on the road & looking as if their temples are going to pop...I don't even look at them. Noisy children..no worries. However I find that noisy adults give me THE RAGE. Today I was in a store and a woman was talking to her friend at the top of her voice..friend was responding in normal tone but this braying woman was full volume. There is a woman I work with who is the same. I am pretty good at moving out of the vicinity sharpish.

I don't know why loud foghorn "look at me" people give me the rage, but they do. I can't bear the attention seeking and its as if the more you DONT look at them, the louder they become. But Ive no intention of raising my blood pressure thank you so getting as far away as possible quickly seems best option

"breathes*

I think we all have things that wind us up. I have friends that put up beatific quotes on FB almost daily (it looks good doesn't it) but in real life they're shouting stress bunnies it makes me raise a brow

I think MN is just a place people vent mostly maybe after a long trying day things seem worse than they are. & thats fine..they could be doing worse.

CantSleepClownsWillEatMe · 17/10/2015 03:30

True Mistress and I suppose a vent is no harm, sort of "get it off your chest" and then move on but there are times people just seem to be feeding their own rage. Especially if they decide to vent in AIBU and then find themselves arguing over the minor issue such as squished bread or somebody glanced at my child or whatever, it can go on for pages. Can't be healthy to dwell to that extent.

coffee that incident at your DDs job is shocking. Are people just generally quicker to anger these days? I sound like an old gimmer I know (I'm 39!) but I think people have high expectations of everything now and completely lack patience, whether it's the queue in the bank (a friends colleague was spat on by a customer recently, he felt she was too slow) or waiting for the car ahead to move off, you just think fucking hell relax!

Senpai · 17/10/2015 03:44

Still, if he had an accident on the way home it's reassuring to know he will deal with it better

Depends on how bad his car is damaged . We were involved in an accident with a few cars. The ones with the badly damaged cars (us and another guy) were chill about it because frankly.. there wasn't much we could do except be glad we were all uninjured. The lady that just got her mirror knocked off was throwing a fit and yelling at the police.

MonkeyPJs · 17/10/2015 03:49

I think there are a couple of things to it.

If someone is depressed or unhappy or going through a bad time generally, a lot of people do hook onto small things to rage about rather than dealing with big problems as it's just too hard. I always think about the time I was in a bad way for personal reasons but holding it together fine - or so I thought - but would get irrational rage at people talking to loudly on the bus or somesuch almost as a way of distracting myself from my real problems. If someone is getting very upset about little things there is often something bigger going on.

I have a family member who gets terrible road rage, but also has general MH issues as well.

There is truth as well I think in people having too much mental energy to think about things as well. I used to ruminate much more on things when I was a SAHM than now when I work FT, simply because I'm thinking about other things most of the time now.

morningtoncrescent62 · 17/10/2015 04:05

Well, I think it's outrageous that you're wondering why people get worked up over trivial things. I'm literally steaming with perimenopausal rage at the very idea and it's keeping me awake into the wee small hours. YBVVVU and my whole weekend has now been ruined.

CantSleepClownsWillEatMe · 17/10/2015 04:24

mornington start a TAAT and spread the rage

CalliopeTorres · 17/10/2015 04:27

I've wondered this very thing earlier tonight, we have a FB group for the mums of the children in my child's class. There is a 30 odd response thread over why some kids don't appear to have any homework today. I'm sitting there reading it with this look on my face ---> thinking 'how on earth can you be bothered to waste energy on this shit'.

CalliopeTorres · 17/10/2015 04:28

The children in question are 5!

Toooldtobearsed · 17/10/2015 05:14

I often think I have a missing empathy gene.

Last time was when we were out with friends, an acquaintance of the groups father had died, in quite tragic circumstances, but the outpouring of disbelief, sadness, shock and sympathy left me wondering what I was missing....

Yes, it was sad, for the people involved, but it made no impact on me, or my life, so why would I be upset, beyond a moment of sympathy for his family?

On MN, there are occasional threads that touch me. For most, I really don't get it. I understand it is important to the OP, and can give practical advice, but not emotional support because a lot of 'problems' are just.....well, life.

hmcReborn · 17/10/2015 05:26

I don't know? I suppose some (I realise not all) may suffer with anxiety (which is a mental illness) and doesn't that mean that they can't help but blow the little things out of proportion?

If you can find that scientific study Senpai that would be fascinating to read...

I imagine that I will be getting worked up about all sorts of trivia today, because I've been awake since 4 am (AGAIN) - insomnia. Its surprising what lack of sleep can do to your rationality!

Original poster

coffeeisnectar · 17/10/2015 05:39

It's odd because I suffer from anxiety and ptsd and although I get the rage about inanimate objects not doing what they are meant to do, out and about I avoid crowds as much as possible and tend to walk away if it's too much to handle. I'm more likely to cry than anything else.

I've been awake all night, I gave up on trying to sleep at 5am and came downstairs. I've just baked a load of cakes for an event dd2 is at today and done some washing up, let boy cat out and now sitting here all light headed drinking coffee thinking "how on earth will I get through today". Dp will have to drive today, I'll be a liability on the roads.

Glad I'm not the only insomniac!

OP posts:

Original poster

coffeeisnectar · 17/10/2015 05:39

Oh yes, I'd be delighted if my dc had no homework.

OP posts:

Savagebeauty · 17/10/2015 06:06

I get the rage at inanimate objects more than people.
At the moment its my printer, which is being called every combination of swearwords I can think of.

I do love a thread title with "livid", " enraged" or " incensed" in the title.
And agree that people come on here to vent and maybe exaggerate a little
Just as posters on Relationships are told to LTB for a small transgression

MascaraAndConverse · 17/10/2015 06:10

Still, if he had an accident on the way home it's reassuring to know he will deal with it better

Love it! Haha! This quote made my glum early start on a Saturday much more lighthearted.

Senpai · 17/10/2015 06:19

Darn.. I can't find it. Sorry.

But here's a study on how the brain processes PTSD PTSD Study That sort of gives an overview of how the brain processes the emotions bit by bit.

Here's a study on what triggers rage Rage Study That shows it's easy to trigger with frustration.

The study basically combined that sort of information to show that the brain processes traumatic events slowly, and low level irritation was processed quicker because it didn't need to be assessed bit by bit so you felt the full effects all at once.

hmcReborn · 17/10/2015 06:56

Sorry I didn't return to this thread sooner Coffee - we could have done some insomniac bonding! I can't really go downstairs and do stuff at my house - it wakes the dogs up and then they bark for breakfast etc and wake everyone else up, so I've been in my upstairs office responding to emails and doing my personal admin. I did at least get some sleep last night - I hope you manage alright today given that you have had none!

Thank you for those links Senpai, I'm just about to read them...

hazeyjane · 17/10/2015 07:29

I sweat the small stuff constantly, because the big stuff feels like it would just stop me in my tracks and make me lie down and cry. Worrying about trivia is my buffer zone.

hiddenhome2 · 17/10/2015 07:39

This is interesting. I'm going to be assessed for asd soon and I can never figure out why people get so het up about things too. They seem to thrive on drama. Even though I often feel frustrated and anxious, it'd never occur to me to flip or obsess over some of the stuff that normal people do. I lack social connection though, so perhaps that's why.

All the Facebook drama too, amazing

CrohnicallyAspie · 17/10/2015 07:47

I get het up about things because I have ASD. The more generally anxious I am, the more I need to control where I can. I therefore can't stand it when inanimate objects that should do what they're told, don't. And when people don't do what they 'should'. If they (people and things) arent doing what they should, then I have no idea what they might do and what might happen next, and that's scary!

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