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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to want to kneecap people when they say "Oh, she will HATE it one day" when they are talking about DD's hair right in front of her?

135 replies

EmMcK · 16/10/2015 01:09

DD has red ringlets. They are amazing. Below shoulder length, deep auburn with burnished lighter ones on top. We cannot leave the house without someone stopping to comment on them.
On the whole people are lovely, but a fair few also say "what amazing hair but she'll hate it one day won't she". I do rictus smile and say that I hope not/think not, but AIBU to want to whip out a softball bat and take out their knees* for making her question whether her hair, which is already a distinguishing factor, is also something to hate.
*Having never kneecapped anyone, I am also not sure that this is the correct technique.

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 16/10/2015 15:04

Haven't RTFT. Just wanted to say that what I would be more worried about is what seems to be happening on this thread, "OMG she's gorgeous, it's gorgeous, she's so cute, like a doll" blah blah. Not healthy for a little girl to hear about her appearance constantly, even positively.

What does she like, value, enjoy, work hard at? "what amazing hair but she'll hate it one day won't she"? I would look quizical and say, "she'll probably be too busy running the UN/Bank of England/her veterinary practise".

squoosh · 16/10/2015 15:06

'I would look quizical and say, "she'll probably be too busy running the UN/Bank of England/her veterinary practise".'

Would you really?

squoosh · 16/10/2015 15:07

Running the UN.

Very MN response.

Janeymoo50 · 16/10/2015 15:10

Adorable, she may well hate it in years to come, like someone else said - BUT only for the fact that I too had curls (not as fab as these) and by the time I got to early teens it was just a pain to look after and I wanted them all cut off. I imagine she gets far more positive than negative comments though (although I understand your point).

MrsTerryPratchett · 16/10/2015 15:13

Would you really? Would the OP really knee cap someone? Mine's more realistic (and healthy).

OnlyLovers · 16/10/2015 17:19

TBF the OP never said she would kneecap anyone, just that she wanted to. Grin

WhispersOfWickedness · 16/10/2015 17:30

Shock Wow, she has the most beautiful hair, I can't imagine why anyone would hate having her hair! Absolutely stunning :)

Jux · 16/10/2015 17:35

People used to stop me in the street and babble on about violet eyes. Tbh I didn't really give a shit. They've faded now and I'm a little bit sad about it.

blamethecat · 16/10/2015 17:37

I have curly hair, although a very dull colour and I love it, I get comments about 'I bet you wish you had straight hair' all the time. No actually I don't I haven't straightened it in years, it look awful straight I look like me with curly hair !
Her hair is absolutely lovely.

CrystalSkull · 16/10/2015 17:43

I know a couple of little girls with hair like this and it is lovely.

It's likely that your DD will appreciate her hair as an adult but will go through a stage in her teens of hating it. I think that's totally natural whatever kind of hair you have! Perhaps she'll get it shaved off or chemically straightened or something. However, I don't think it's appropriate for anyone to say things along those lines in front of her.

EmmaWoodlouse · 16/10/2015 18:27

I have red, curly hair (but not quite as dark or as curly as your DD's - I wish it was!) and I have always liked it. The only thing I didn't like was being encouraged to have short hair for most of my childhood as my mum thinks long curly hair looks messy - but I have made up for it since - I alternate between shoulder length and a curly bob, never shorter. I never, ever straighten mine and if it dries straightish for some reason (usually because I have been in a hurry and had to brush it while it was still wet), I can't wait to get it wet again and get my rightful curls back! So in your place I would probably say, "She might and she might not, lots of people do pay good money to make their hair look like that."

Original poster
EmMcK · 16/10/2015 23:50

Wow. Just woke up to a whole life if it's own thread.
Am going to get my head around this curly girl concept and also grow more of a backbone about replying to the comments.
I know that this is a really superficial example of the comments that can be made. My friend had her DS on a toy car thing in the mall and a woman approached her and said loudly "this is for NORMAL children". My friend's son has Down syndrome. People can be gits and say horrible things, I need to react at the time instead of simmering.
I do tell her she is beautiful, the same as I tell both DS. When DS2 was 3 someone asked him what his name was and he said "beautiful boy". I grew up with endearments and still love that my 78 year old mother calls me darling girl 43 years after she first did.

OP posts:
ThumbWitchesAbroad · 17/10/2015 00:22

OMG, seriously? Shock Some bitch said that to your friend? How did she not deck her there an then?! DS isn't fucking catching!! So angry for your poor friend, having to cope with shit like that. Angry :(

You could try just dismissing any comments with "Why? It's just hair!" so your DD knows it's nothing to make a big deal out of. Nothing wrong with telling her she's beautiful, I tell both my boys they are too. Just don't tell them they can sing if they're actually tone deaf or they'll end up embarrassing themselves on X Factor in several years' time! Grin

Original poster
EmMcK · 17/10/2015 00:28

I also tell them all they are funny, smart, clever and quite often lunatics. Or a combination thereof.

OP posts:
TheMightyMing · 17/10/2015 00:31

That's the most beautiful hair I have ever seen! I would die for both red and curls !

I saw of my neighbours eleven year old girl for the first time in a whole this week, they have three red headed kids. She's absolutely stunning, red hair and pale skinned, you can see the beautiful young woman she is going to be in a few years.

Love red hair.

Original poster
EmMcK · 17/10/2015 00:32

And yes Thumb, I think she was just so gob smacked she was unable to react with any speed.

OP posts:
Flatsfromnowon · 17/10/2015 00:46

I haven't read all the comments but your daughter's hair is gorgeous, a real standout feature.

Next time someone makes that silly comment ask them why she will hate it; what's to hate?! They sound a little jealous to me...

Please don't ever let her dye it or have it chemically straightened! She has beautiful hair.

TinklyLittleLaugh · 17/10/2015 00:51

I had hair like this, sadly a mixture of silver and strawberry blonde these days.

I don't think I ever hated it, and the jibing never bothered me because I knew my hair was great. I must've got bored a couple of times though; I remember dyeing it black and bleaching it blonde.

In my mid twenties I had waist long Merrida curls. Every morning walking to work I used to pass a guy going in the opposite direction with exactly the same hair as me, (Mick Hucknell stylee). We used to give each other this look of speculation every single morning. Neither of us ever made a move thoughGrin

Original poster
EmMcK · 17/10/2015 02:16

You probably knew your combined power would be too much for this world Tinkly.

OP posts:
Tartyflette · 17/10/2015 02:58

Your DD's hair is truly beautiful, OP.

This Gingerism seems to be a relatively recent thing, it has become quite unpleasant in the last 20-30 years. (Or is it me? - am decrepit)

Growing up in the 60s I was often complimented on my 'strawberry blonde' hair and even on my green eyes and freckles; they were considered attractive, striking even. I was never bullied on account of my hair/skin.

So did it start getting nasty in the 80s? In the 60s and 70s we had Cilla, Lulu, even Bowie was ginger/reddish in the early years AFAICR. I think it was Chris Evans who started getting stick for being ginger, rather than just for being obnoxious. However, i live in hope that we might be getting past 'peak Gingerism' - Prince Harry seems to be considered an attractive bloke.

Sadly, all my red has pretty much faded now and I am a fairly dull blonde (now with expensive gold and copper high/low lights). Wish I was still a redhead.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 17/10/2015 04:06

Tarty - I'm nearly 50, "ginger-baiting" was a thing when I was in primary school (I suffered from it) so no, not that new.

goodasitgets · 17/10/2015 04:16

Bullied like hell for my red curly hair
And if I colour it I get "is that to cover up the red?"
Nobody ever says to a blonde if they're trying to cover it up
Hairdressers always say oh people pay for your hair - well then why do people still insult it?!

goodasitgets · 17/10/2015 04:18

Oh and this is mine. I love it a bit more now I'm older and had it cut shorter

Original poster
EmMcK · 17/10/2015 04:21

Amazing hair Goodas. Amazing. People aren't comfortable with non-conformist beauty.

OP posts:
goodasitgets · 17/10/2015 04:24

Definitely. I hated photos, and even when I started modelling I wouldn't do portrait stuff. Then a helpful photographer did some at the end of the shoot, gave me tips and I cried when he showed me the results Blush
I always imagine it as frizzy and horrible but people see things differently