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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to want to kneecap people when they say "Oh, she will HATE it one day" when they are talking about DD's hair right in front of her?

135 replies

EmMcK · 16/10/2015 01:09

DD has red ringlets. They are amazing. Below shoulder length, deep auburn with burnished lighter ones on top. We cannot leave the house without someone stopping to comment on them.
On the whole people are lovely, but a fair few also say "what amazing hair but she'll hate it one day won't she". I do rictus smile and say that I hope not/think not, but AIBU to want to whip out a softball bat and take out their knees* for making her question whether her hair, which is already a distinguishing factor, is also something to hate.
*Having never kneecapped anyone, I am also not sure that this is the correct technique.

OP posts:

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 16/10/2015 05:03

She might hate it one day, but most people hate their own hair at some point in their lives.

YANBU to want to do harm to people who set up ideas that there is something to hate in having her glorious curls though - I'd kill to have her hair! (Mine used to be ginger, not that fabulous flame colour, and a bit curly but not like those ringlets!)

I'm sure at some point she'll be wishing she had a different colour, or straight hair or something - it's normal - but I do hope not. She should glory in it, because it's amazing!

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 16/10/2015 05:09

"Why will she hate it?"

Because at some point, some ignorant wanker is likely to call her rude names for having red hair.

I don't care how many people stand up and say "I have red hair and no one ever said anything bad to me" - LOTS of people with red hair have been bullied because of it, myself included. I don't want to derail this thread about it, but Tim Minchin wrote his song "Taboo" (or Prejudice) about being ginger and being bullied for it. It's a Thing, whether it happened to you or not.

diggerdigsdogs · 16/10/2015 05:11

her hair is amazing. It's just glorious.

She may grow up to hate it. I hated mine as a teenager. I love it now that I've found a hairdresser who can cut it properly. I would still love hair that can be brushed and just looks nice without effort but that's ok, my hair suits me.

GreenRug · 16/10/2015 05:21

Her hair is gorgeous. I've got ginger children and I've not had any outward comments but am poised for them. Dh is ginger and assures me the worst is to come, which is just heartbreaking!

Axekick · 16/10/2015 05:39

Dd has curly hair like your dds. It's not red though. It's a mix of brown and gold. I used to geet told the same.

My response was 'yeah probably'. Because at some point we all wish it was different. She is 11 and she still loves her hair, some of the girl has dropped and it has a lovely wave to it.

But I do agree (having grown up in Northern Ireland) that knee capping isn't something to joke about. Ever. Not just because of what happened this week. It's in poor taste at anytime. Like making. A joke about beheadings or mass shootings.

Narp · 16/10/2015 05:40

YANBU

Poeple are sometimes tits in front of children. So tactless.

It's a bit redundant to say, but your DD's hair is beautiful

LeaveMyWingsBehindMe · 16/10/2015 05:52

YANBU.

I would bloody KILL to have hair like your DDs. I am so jealous of glorious natural redheads and of beautiful natural curls and she has both. I could stare at hair like that for hours.

Hopefully she'll always love it, frankly she'd be mad not to, it's like winning the lottery of hair isn't it?

Flambola · 16/10/2015 05:53

I can believe people are bullied over their hair colour Thumb. I've had arguments with grown men at work who think it's ok to speak disparagingly about people with ginger hair. It shocks me that they think it's ok.

I remember a story someone posted on here about their son (who I think was about 8) walking past a group of drunk men outside a pub and they started shouting stuff like 'ginger minger' at him. That really stayed with me.

Axekick · 16/10/2015 05:58

Oh and I dye my hair a similar colour to your dds.

I do think more people are aware taking the piss out of a child for being a redhead, isn't on. But I don't think it's gone completely. Though I think some of it maybe jealousy. I would save a fortune if my hair was naturally that colour

TeamScoutRifle · 16/10/2015 06:09

Doesn't everyone have a stage where they hate their hair? Mine is usually once a month without fail it just won't behave and I honestly hate it. The rest of the time we have a good relationship.
My point is, ignore the stupid cunts because red hair is the best! I love my naturally red hair

HippyDippyRidingPretty · 16/10/2015 06:21

Tbh what your dd will hate one day is when every Tom, Dick and Harry want to know

'Is it naturally like that?'

I have tight ringlets and amongst the lovely comments I always the 'is it natural?' question.

The conversation usually goes:

Them: I love your hair!
Me: (pulling head back as they shove their hands in it) thanks
T: is it natural or do you perm it?
M: natural.
T: oh, who in your family has curly hair?
M: my dad.
T: (hushed tone) is he black?
M:

nagsandovalballs · 16/10/2015 06:30

I'd look at them with a sad/benign smile with a slightly cocked head and say 'oh, I'm so sorry, you must be terribly afflicted to be projecting your insecurities onto a child. Hopefully you'll come to terms with them at some point; it must be so very difficult to go through life feeling like that.'

FindoGask · 16/10/2015 06:30

Your daughter's hair is so beautiful!

velourvoyageur · 16/10/2015 06:31

My cousin has the most gorgeous hair just like that (all natural but looks like hours have been spent on it) - but she's 16, when she was your DD's age it was much thinner, your DD's so lucky to have hair like that so young

I'd go for the polite incredulous smile (hint of eyebrow) and a "Really?"
(I quite like trying out different looks, I almost wish people would be rude more often)

nagsandovalballs · 16/10/2015 06:34

I might even reach out a sympathetic hand and clutch their arm whilst empathising furiously. And then squeeze just a little more.

WanderingTrolley1 · 16/10/2015 06:36

People talk some shit, don't they?!

I would respond with, "Why? It's beautiful!"

Only1scoop · 16/10/2015 06:46

All DC hate their hair at some stage....too curly....too straight....wrong colour.

People come out with all sorts don't let it get to you.

Just relieved you've stopped going on about 'knee capping' folk

LadyLuck81 · 16/10/2015 06:51

Her hair is absolutely beautiful. People who are negative about physical attributes of a hold in front of them are just idiots.

Of course if you want to be immature you could reply "why, so you hate your face?"

Ilovecrumpets · 16/10/2015 06:55

My DS has dark brown naturally curly hair and we get the same mix of comments. Weirdly the negative ones are often from men who comment he won't like it once he is interested in girls

ShebaShimmyShake · 16/10/2015 07:16

That is one of the most beautiful heads of hair I have ever seen on a child. She probably WILL hate it one day but only because all teenage girls hate their hair, no matter how gorgeous it is. Too straight, too curly, too brown, too blonde, whatever the hell. Then, round about the age of 17 or 18, she'll realise how stunning it is and wear it with pride.

Moronic that anyone should make a comment like that in front of her, and moronic that anyone should think that isn't absolutely glorious hair.

MummyMonkeySnot · 16/10/2015 07:18

YANBU for wanting to stick up for your daughter. Her hair is beautiful and I hope she doesn't hate it when she's older, although most of us do at some point in our lives.
But that is for her to decide, not a load of strangers telling her she will do.
The OP obviously didn't know what was happening over here when she is in a different part of the world and sometimes you say things in the heat of the moment when it's your child being spoke about like that.

tobysmum77 · 16/10/2015 07:25

Her hair is beautiful, from someone with shit hair. Unfortunately my dds have inherited my hair and my 6yo cannot understand why her ultrafine hair won't grow like her friends' hair.

Catsize · 16/10/2015 07:29

Yanbu. You daughter's hair is stunning.

My son (nearly 4) has red hair and people comment on it all the time - generally the over 60s.
It is a beautiful colour. No idea where it has come from, and I confess that when my daughter was born, one of my first emotions was disappointment that she didn't have the same colour hair.
I was worried that he would become self-conscious of his hair, but hope that the positive comments will help deflect any negative ones at school etc. Backed with 'she will hate it one day' retracts from the impact of the compliment - we've not had that. Because he is a boy, so presumably he won't care about his hair. . It is also thick and straight.

OccamsLadyshaveToo · 16/10/2015 07:38

Yanbu. Her hair is stunning. And of course like any child she might hate it one day but no one has ever said that to my dd who has dead straight brown hair.

People are twats. Why do they think it's acceptable to comment on small children's appearance?

On the subject of hating whatever you're given as a teen, when I was at university my best friend had hair exactly like your dd. We used to get ready for a night out by her dying her hair brown and straightening it and me dying mine red and curling it.

Catsize · 16/10/2015 07:57

Should say - people also come up to him and stroke his head. Wonder when that will stop.

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