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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to want to kneecap people when they say "Oh, she will HATE it one day" when they are talking about DD's hair right in front of her?

135 replies

EmMcK · 16/10/2015 01:09

DD has red ringlets. They are amazing. Below shoulder length, deep auburn with burnished lighter ones on top. We cannot leave the house without someone stopping to comment on them.
On the whole people are lovely, but a fair few also say "what amazing hair but she'll hate it one day won't she". I do rictus smile and say that I hope not/think not, but AIBU to want to whip out a softball bat and take out their knees* for making her question whether her hair, which is already a distinguishing factor, is also something to hate.
*Having never kneecapped anyone, I am also not sure that this is the correct technique.

OP posts:
TillITookAnArrowToTheKnee · 16/10/2015 09:22

My DD is 4, with blonde curls. She keeps asking me to dye it so she can have Merida hair Grin I bought her a wig instead! DD would be Envy if I shower her that photo!

Its beautiful hair. My cousin has the same hair as your DD - she's now 18 and does not hate her hair. Never has.

juliej75 · 16/10/2015 09:39

I had - and still have - hair like that. I was teased a lot when younger and did hate it then, but only because my mum kept it very short so it looked like I had an orange afro. Not a good look Sad.

Have loved it since I was old enough to decide to grow it long. I still get loads of lovely comments which I appreciate and enjoy.

Someone did say the other day "what beautiful hair, but I bet you hate it". I think people are just nervous of giving an unqualified compliment these days, or recognise that being very distinctive can sometimes be a double-edged sword.

And yes, it's hard to keep the curls looking good - lots of leave in conditioner needed!!

OnlyLovers · 16/10/2015 10:07

my heroine was Jinny Manders from the Arab Shantih horse books.

Mine too, Nachos!

She still is, actually. Grin

Muldjewangk · 16/10/2015 10:42

I love, love, love your daughters hair. It's my favourite hair colour, it is absolutely beautiful. Love the photo, she is a cutie with stunning hair.

My niece is just eight and has similar hair but a bit lighter. She loves her hair and flicks it back when people say how beautiful it is, and it is.

Muldjewangk · 16/10/2015 10:45

I will add my DD had silvery, white blonde hair and I have had to tell people to stop the blonde jokes in front of her. People are idiots sometimes and open their mouths before they think.

RobinsonsSquash · 16/10/2015 10:52

Another one here with hair very similar to your daughter's - made my life a misery between the ages of about 7 and 17 but I came round to it as an adult and wouldn't change it for anything now. Agree that your daughter doesn't need people giving her extra reason to worry about it at this stage though - very insensitive of them.

MissMarpleCat · 16/10/2015 11:00

I've always loved my curls Smile

CoraPirbright · 16/10/2015 11:04

What utterly stunning hair!! The full-on Merida!! Just so, so beautiful.

Did you know that when people assess sales of hair colour, the one that consistently outstrips all others is.....red! So people are desperately trying to get, via the bottle, what your daughter has been blessed with naturally. Perhaps you could work that into a response to some unthinking burk when they make dumbass comments!

MissBEverdene · 16/10/2015 11:21

Oh that hair is glorious! Don't take any notice of twatty folk.

Nataleejah · 16/10/2015 11:27

YABU
she will maybe hate it one day, she will get a haircut. So what. Its just hair.

I had very long hair in childhood. Adults usually commented how lovely it was. But its not them who had to endure the everyday torture of combing, or be not allowed swimming lessons because "i wouldn't be able to dry it properly"

50ShadesofNope · 16/10/2015 12:20

YANBU. My cousin has the same kind of hair. She's 12 now so she's starting to get self conscious about her looks but she still loves her hair and has grown it very long so it's incredibly striking. We went for dinner the other night and she was complimented by a waitress on her hair so expect the comments to keep coming! Thankfully they are mostly very positive.

I agree that most of the time the comments are well meaning but people can have a tendency to be a bit thoughtless as to the impact hearing the same message over can over can have on someone.

I agree with pp. a swift 'why would she start to hate it, her hair is gorgeous' should suffice. Or a 'she'll only start to hate it if people keep saying things like that in front of her and giving her reason to' if you're feeling less generous

It might be a nightmare to manage all of the curls but it's worth it. The world needs more hair like hers!!

MrsTedCrilly · 16/10/2015 12:26

Beautiful hair! I had this growing up, had really blonde fluffy long hair.. Loads of strangers saying "don't ever dye it!" Her comment about hating it is a bit negative but don't let it bother you, kids will not always hear positive stuff. Just teach her to let these comments bounce off Smile

IceBeing · 16/10/2015 12:31

how about saying "do you mind? I am trying to teach my DD that it is rude to comment on other people's appearance"

AnUtterIdiot · 16/10/2015 12:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WorraLiberty · 16/10/2015 13:03

Did you know that when people assess sales of hair colour, the one that consistently outstrips all others is.....red! So people are desperately trying to get, via the bottle, what your daughter has been blessed with naturally. Perhaps you could work that into a response to some unthinking burk when they make dumbass comments!

Yes but the thing is natural red hair, often comes with pale skin, freckles and ginger eyelashes.

That is often what kids get mercilessly teased for, not just the hair colour alone IYSWIM?

IceBeing · 16/10/2015 13:06

I have red hair, pale skin, ginger eyelashes and freckles...I got bullied for being too smart at school....

turns out people are shits and having red hair or not isn't much to do with it.

ThatsNotMyRabbit · 16/10/2015 13:19

OMG her hair is beyond gorgeous. Just stunning.

I used to work for a lady whose small daughter had hair similar to your DDs.

Slightly longer, but rather than ringletty it just fell in these tumbling waves/soft curls.

It was breathtaking.

Your DD will never hate her hair (well, she might do, in the same way we never appreciate what we've got; she'll probably hit her teens and want to chop it off and dye it mauve)!

Katedotness1963 · 16/10/2015 14:10

Her hair is gorgeous!! I'm also a mum to a copper haired beauty, we've never said ginger and dont allow anyone else to call him ginger. He's very proud of his hair colour.

stopfuckingshoutingatme · 16/10/2015 14:20

I cant even read your post as I just find kneecapping an inappropriate term to have in an AIBU post
I am sure your daughters hair is lovely

but I wish people would not write posts when they use torture reverences over mild annoyances

yabu

Brioche201 · 16/10/2015 14:28

I think red hair is very Marmite-y.You either love it or hate it, but what you don't do is give voice to every thought that enters your head without thought as to whether it is appropriate or not.

hiddenhome2 · 16/10/2015 14:32

That is such nice hair. Red hair is beautiful, with curls/ringlets, even more so.

When people say this nasty thing, just look at them deadpan and say "why". Make them explain themselves.

Oldraver · 16/10/2015 14:36

Her hair is gorgeous.

I have relatives that constantly (well everytime we meet which isnt often) make disparaging remarks about DS's hair. He's a boy and it seems he should have a' boycut' or similar. Not perfectly normal shoulder length hair.

They make the remarks in front of him and its all they focus on and I finally lost my shit a while ago when DS got upset about it. I had previously gone down the 'ignore their rudeness 'and hoping after meeting DS a few times they would move on, but no.....

It would be considered rude to make negative remarks about an adults appearance to their face...why is a child considered fair game.

Brioche201 · 16/10/2015 14:39

I don't get why people think gingerism is just a big joke! Don't they get that it is hurtful?

stopfuckingshoutingatme · 16/10/2015 14:50

I think red hair is very Marmite-y.You either love it or hate it

really? its just fucking hair. I neither love it, or hate it. Its just that shit that sprouts from ya head

noeffingidea · 16/10/2015 15:00

I love red hair, and I love curly hair too. I hate this idea that we should all conform to some fashion. All colours of hair and every texture of hair is equally beautiful. Just like every eye colour and every skin colour.
The more people that stand up and say it, the better. Just be positive about it and keep violent thoughts out of it.