To think that keeping a naise house is a relentless all consuming activity?

[midlifehope]

We've recently moved to a new house 3 months ago and I'm trying to keep it all nice like. Granted I have a newborn and a 3 year old, and my dp is not that well house trained. But that aside I am constantly doing housework to the detriment of going out or having much of a life. I'm not ocd I don't think, but the house is never quite to the standard I want it. Soul destroying! Aibu?

Ha, Duchess, you must be my DH's non-existent sibling!

I'm very tidy by nature and OH is not. Rarely closes a door, or drawer, leaves a trail of clues around the house after him, but has many other marvellous virtues such as near-perpetual good humour and patience. Sometimes when I catch myself having a little internal seethe at the bottle opener and bottle cap on the kitchen counter, drawer still open, boots in the doorway and jacket thrown one side, I imagine how unhappy I would be without him to make that "mess".
Some day he won't be there. Then I'll have something to cry about.

RachelZoe: "I don't understand how anyone can be happy in a messy house, it makes everything much harder to do."

Some of us value being more than doing, or at least we prefer doing something other than housework. I can relax more easily in a slightly untidy /cluttered house than in one that's - shall we say - more sterile. Not getting at you or anyone else on the thread, as I have't been to your house - I'm thinking of MILs, where even slouching was considered 'making the place look untidy', a cardinal sin in her house!!

"I don't understand how anyone can be happy in a messy house"

You need to work harder on your understanding of the notion that it's not all about you.

We moved when I was 32w and DC1 had just turned 2.... oh and we have cream carpets throughout I know!!!

Now DC1 is almost 3, baby is 9 months and my house is a shit tip. It's not dirty as such (although floors could do with a mop a bit more often!) but things do get messy.

I have loads of wicker baskets and just bung all the toys and crap in there.

I set aside a few hours a week for a big clean but day to day I do the basics - washing, wiping surfaces, cooking. We go out everyday so that is quite time consuming - but much better for the kids.

I remember with DC1 (and a smaller house) I found it much easier to keep on top of things. DC2 was a clingy boob monster and I had my toddler so I just thought "fuck it".....

I have decided to majesty's just one room nice, I go and sit in that one and let them get on with it in the rest of the house

I have finally learned to be happy in my messy house .It's just as well as we're getting a puppy this weekend .

I just don't have it in me to make my house look like a show home. I wish I did sometimes but as long as kitchen / bathrooms are clean then I'm happy .

I find having a messy or dirty house very stressful, I just focus on doing jobs as I go along. Tidy straight up after meals, sort washing every night, if there's something that needs putting away I just do ir and carry things up and down stairs each time I go. I have also trained the children to tidy up and help with jobs, we make it fun but it's good training for them to help I think! Hopefully they won't be as obsessive about needing tidiness as me. I do worry about it that!

Try batch cooking and have a plan of attack for cleaning and laundry -- a routine. You will feel so much more on top of things if you know the bathroom will be done on Monday, kitchen on Wednesday, etc. You won't feel so much as if you are always chasing your own tail even if it's Saturday and the bathroom is a disaster.

There are little things you can do daily in the busiest areas that will keep you from feeling you are fighting a losing battle -- wiping down all taps and the washbasin and the loo with windolene daily will keep the bathroom from looking encrusted with dirt, keeping your kitchen countertops as clear as possible and keeping your sink from filling up with dishes and cups, etc will give you peace of mind. Deal with all used dishes immediately. Hopefully you have a dishwasher?

Get a freezer and a tumble dryer. They are well worth investing in if you don't have them.

I hated the sheer drudgery of it all and got out of a lot of it by not cooking Every.Single.Day. Freezing batch cooked meals takes a load off your mind. You don't have 'What's for dinner?' hanging over you all day. I always had a dryer and got into a routine of putting on a load, folding and putting it all away daily. I never ironed, just got good at folding. I sent exH's shorts to a dry cleaner. He had two weeks worth and the cost was well worth it even though picking them up again was a pita. They did a far better job than I could have.

Keeping track of toys and general stuff is possible with little ones if you put in about 15 minutes nightly after they have mercifully fallen asleep. But though it's hard, training them to help with this is the best idea in the long run. It can be light hearted and fun -- have a song, a race, set a timer and see who can put the most stuff away, etc. as long as they eventually develop the association with playing being followed by putting away at the end of the day. It can be part of the bedtime routine.

I never had carpets downstairs and went around with a dust mop daily to keep on top of cat fur, hair, general dust -- we have allergies here. Then I damp mopped a few times a week too but I always found that easier and less of a physical effort than hoovering carpets.

There is a difference between unclean and untidy. Aim for clean -- and rope your DH into tackling this. Untidy never hurt anyone, and can easily be remedied daily.

I had 4 DC within 5 years and there were times when it all felt a bit relentless. I don't like the house to be dirty or too messy so it was a bit of a struggle letting things go. I tried to approach it as though it were a job and tried to be disciplined about how i did things. Ie always clean up the kitchen after making food, always batch cooking, always dealing with paperwork quickly etc. I also tried not to worry about it too much and to make sure I enjoyed the kids.
My DC are all at uni now and my house is immaculate and I'm enjoying it.

Shirts not shorts...

I clean my living room and bedroom then I lock it. my 8yo is a chaotic mess (he has sensory and behaviour problems) and its not doing my MH any good with having the whole house in chaos. SO I lock rooms to keep the clean.

It works here. Its either that or my mood drops (my living room is also my work room and I cant work if I can see mess. Work is therapy here- creative)

I dream of a cleaner. Of a child who gives a damn about how they live, who wont just drop bits of fruit, food and dirty washing anywhere. Its a long way off so for now I lock room.

sanity intact. Mostly.

Our house isn't immaculate but it's clean and tidy and I don't feel I've compromised on time with my kids to do it.

I don't iron anything, ever, and often use the slow cooker. I don't clean the Windows or Hoover under the sofa very often but that doesnt really matter to me. I was amazed on a recent thread how much time people spend on laundry e.g. washing towels after every use or changing bedding twice a week - people generally accepted that this was something they liked rather than needed to do... I like a fresh bed but I like a cup of tea and a sit down much more! Different strokes for different folks I guess.

The thing I find hard is not housework as such but organising and finding time for the big jobs such as painting and decorating. We decided to largely gettradespeople in for that instead!

Some of us value being more than doing,

God that is so patronizing.

You need to work harder on your understanding of the notion that it's not all about you

Where are you getting that? Someone said having a tidy house was good for their sanity and I agreed with them and said I didn't get how people could be happy in that environment. Why is it ok to say you don't mind mess and housework doesn't matter etc (which is fine, each to their own and all that) and then as soon as someone says the opposite people get shitty?

I personally like an orderly and predictable environment where what I am doing seems to work. I like having a system and feeling on top of things.

'Some of us value being more than doing'.
I am looking at that and looking at it again, and thinking I possibly should have done Philosophy, but what does that even mean?

Someone once said to me "on your death bed you may have a few regrets, but one of them will NOT be 'I wished I had done more housework'!".

Enjoy you children whilst they are young, keep the basics hygienic (bathrooms and kitchen) other stuff just do less often or a little bit as you pass by. Even now my DS is grown up, I just do a few small jobs a day.

People just differ. I can't sit and enjoy a room or the house unless it's really tidy. Other people aren't like that. one of my teenage twins just cannot understand why that matters and his twin (non identical) is immaculately tidy. It is just a personality type thing. however anyone with small children even if they like a tidy house will find that hard. I always kept at least one room totalkly even when the downstairs was full of children's toys.

Now people are tidier, a cleaner comes in for a few hours a week and most of us put everything away on a constant basis so it's fine.

Tips from very organised people are not going to help people who don't have the same views or priorities, but mine are keep utterly on top of everything. So never to upstairs or downstairs without taking a load of things that need to be moved. Clear the kitchen every night. Wash up before eating. Put on washer and dishwasher without fail every night or every morning. Put washing away as soon as it is dry. Have a place for everything. Dispose of at least half the stuff you have and can never use because you can't find it under all the other junk. Regularly and constantly go to the charity shop with unused stuff.

I'm not getting shitty with you RachelZoe.

But your comment "I don't get" is a non-comment really isn't it? Do you understand that some people like sweet and some people like savoury? that some people like summer and some people like winter? that some people like white walls and some people like colourful walls?

Well some people like housework and some people don't. Surely there's nothing to "get" about it.

About once a month (ahem) I get really upset and quite depressed about all the cleaning and tidying I do and how much of my life I have wasted cleaning!

I pay to have the lawn mowed and the windows and carpets cleaned. I can't really justify getting a cleaner as well, but to be honest it's the daily tidying and cleaning that wears me down.

Having said that, I am married to a man who is registered blind, so no only can he not do much housework, he also spills and drops lots all day, and fogets where he leeaves things. So although DC look after the pets (rabbits, chickens, dog and fish) and tidy their own stuff, it's really just me running the household (badly). So I think I deserve a moan and some self-pity sometimes. Although it does worry me that DC will remember me as "the angry woman who mopped the floors".

I get quite stressed if I don't hooverdownstairs (horrible old cream carpets, rented house) 2-3 times a week, it gets so dirty quickly. When I was on maternity leave I swear the only thing that kept me sane was washing the kitchen floor daily, it was the only area of my life I had complete control over.

That's

Four under five! Stuff the mess , I would just have lay down in the middle of it with a bottle of gin!

Ohh, I explained that wrong my eldest was 5 (very nearly 6) when DC4 was born. I still felt like lying in the middle of the floor with gin though.

I've really dropped my standards since DS. Somedays it really gets me down so I stick DS in playpen for 45mins in front of TV & run about like a mad women Cleaning.
Th.en I feel guilty for doing that!

Not ideal but I console myself that I am going to stay part time & when DS/DC are in school I will be on top of things again!

When DS/DC are in school I will be on top of things again.

That's what I thought, Greybird. It made absolutely no difference! I just found lots of new, interesting things to do to fill the extra time...

Nooooo Bettercallsaul1 don't say that...i have this lovely idea of housework & gym on my days off...

Since I went from full time SAHM to part time work (15hrs only) and getting a dog (need to walk her 1 hour a day) I have become so muchmore efficient at blimminh housework.

I have less time, yet the house is tidier. I now have a schedule (Monday big clean, Tuesday weekly shoo, Wednseday sheets and towels etc.)

I find housework can take up all your time if you are at home (with kids) a lot, yet leaves you feeling you achieved nothing.

Do less, do it quickly

Seems to work

Weirdly