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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU wave of light for baby loss.

170 replies

3littlebadgers · 15/10/2015 16:42

Ok I might be a tad U to post here, but there was another lovely thread from a lovely poster that didn't get much traffic.
Just a little reminder to anyone who would like to take part. To remember all of the precious and beautiful babies that have sadly been lost there is a wave of light this evening. Everyone is invited to light a candle at 7pm in all time zones (apologies if this is late for anyone) to participate in a worldwide wave of light in observance of baby loss awareness day.
I will be lighting mine for my beautiful angel girl born sleeping in March this year. I miss you so very much my darling but the pain of missing you is a badge I will wear with pride because it means I got to hold you if only for a little while.
to all of the other families who are lighting candles tonight instead of tucking their babies up for the night.

OP posts:

Thread gallery

Diggum · 15/10/2015 21:58

for you and your beautiful girl 3littlebadgers. Thank you for starting this thread.

My little light is shining brightly for everyone on here tonight.

Original poster

3littlebadgers · 15/10/2015 22:01

Troopers inspired me, she started a beautiful thread but it wasn't getting the traffic which is so sad because baby loss is so common but so brushed under the carpet.

OP posts:

PontyGirl · 15/10/2015 22:05

no words, just wanted to show some love for you all

Northernlurker · 15/10/2015 22:13

I'm really pleased to see how the wave of light is growing every year. Dh and I know we are very fortunate to have never experienced such loss. We have friends who have suffered losses and I think it is our job, our absolute duty and responsibility to remember their children and give them the space they need to say their names and know that we remember them too.
I think the quote from Debi Gliori 'No matter what' most sums up what I would say to my friends and to you all who have suffered loss

“Small said, "But what about when we are dead and gone, will you love me then, does love go on?"

…Large (replied) "Look at the stars, how they shine and glow, some of the stars died a long time ago. Still they shine in the evening skies, for you see…love like starlight never dies…”

Love goes on and you can talk about that love as much as you like to me. I want to hear it. I won't tell you to brush it under the carpet.

Trooperslane · 15/10/2015 22:17

Badgers X

ThatWasThat · 15/10/2015 22:22

I am in buckets. I've never (or not yet) suffered a loss, but the pain comes through your words. I read each post, and I am so sorry for your pain.

StormyLlewelyn · 15/10/2015 22:29

On the one hand, I don't think about my babies as often as I should. On the other, I think of them constantly and I'm just not aware of it. They're always there, in the back of my mind.

They were only with me a short time - 6wks and 15wks - but in that time they knew no loneliness, no hunger or pain or fear. They had no concept of being cold or poorly or sad. All they knew was warmth and comfort and my love, and isn't that a beautiful life in its own little way? To be loved and cherished for your whole time, from start to end. I carried them in my body for as long as I was able and now I carry them in my heart.

for everyone.

Tink06 · 15/10/2015 22:29

Ive lit my candle too. Although our little ones are always in our hearts and minds its nice to join in and remember together for one night - my little girl would be 10 now and I have anyways joined in the wave of light, so do my children who are here too xxxx

magimedi · 15/10/2015 22:29

I too have never had that awful loss and my heat goes out to each of you.

Love is the greatest thing we can give or have & I can feel it in every post.

to all who are bereaved & for all those special children.

Anaffaquine · 15/10/2015 22:39

I lit a candle for my little boy and three miscarriages that I had. I got some abuse from a family member who said I was being insensitive to them as this was their loss too.
I've left her comment there for others to see. I don't dwell on our sad past but he was here - just for a few minutes- but he was here. I should be allowed to mention his name or think about him.
With each of the miscarriages, I can remember what my due date would have been. I felt like those babies' mum, I had seen a heartbeat, I had started dreaming for their futures. I should be able for once just think about what might have been.
It is bittersweet as if these babies had lived, my two beautiful girls who are both sound asleep would probably not be here. The eldest certainly not as she was conceived just after a loss.
All babies are precious miracles and I am so lucky to have two wonderful girls.

TheBabyFacedAssassin · 15/10/2015 22:48

This is a heartbreaking thread to read but I am so grateful for it.
Our candle was lit tonight for our precious little girl who we lost last May at 35 weeks. I'm currently 30 weeks pregnant with DD2 and can't wait to tell her about her sister. Hugs and love to all of you.

Ps - I love that snowdrop poem, it was read at my daughter's funeral.

sparechange · 15/10/2015 22:48

I've just seen this via Facebook and it is too beautiful and poignant not to share

www.clairetaylor.org/2015/10/15/so-many-unspoken-losses/

HerRoyalNotness · 15/10/2015 23:36

Bought three new lovely candles today and let DS1 choose which one to light today. He chose spicy pear.

For his baby sister, and the 2 babies we didn't get to meet.

We will light them twice more In the coming month, for DDs first birthday, and the anniversary of her death.

Just a shitty, shitty part of life so many of us have to suffer.

JoantheVampireSlayer · 15/10/2015 23:53

I lost my only baby in August 2011 and until now I've never told anyone except my husband. I'll light a candle tonight for my baby and everybody else's

Sillysausage2 · 16/10/2015 00:11

Bawling here
Those poems are so lovely.
Flambola James is absolutely beautiful, I remember your thread from last Christmas and I hope you are doing ok. I've thought of you often xx

I have my candles lit for my 2 Angel babies, the first who was lost 5 years ago this week. Also a third for my niece who was born sleeping last year.

I have shared a few of the posts on Facebook, I normally wouldn't but

Sillysausage2 · 16/10/2015 00:13

Sorry, hit post too soon.

I don't normally post stuff on Facebook about it, I feel like I'm cheating a bit as my babies were only 11 and 7 weeks so I'm not as entitled to be upset if that makes sense?

Flambola · 16/10/2015 04:15

Thank you silly - I'm pregnant with my rainbow baby so keep your fingers crossed everything goes well for me when I'm induced next week!

And your grief matters. I know what you mean; there is a physical difference but they still had heartbeats and you still had dreams and hopes for them and so feel your loss as keenly as the rest of us.

This has been a sad thread in many ways. It's nice to be able to honour our babies but we shouldn't have had to do it in the first place.

And 3, that poem had be crying my eyes out - the last verse:

Those who live long endure sadness and tears
but you'll never suffer the sorrowing years
no betrayal, no anger
no hatred, no fears
Just love, only love in your lifetime..

for you all xx

LittleTulip · 16/10/2015 04:28

Thinking about my beautiful baby, stillborn 2 years ago now. Never forgotten.

This thread has made me weep

LittleTulip · 16/10/2015 04:29

Flambola James is just beautiful

Original poster

3littlebadgers · 16/10/2015 07:02

Oh little tulip what a beautiful picture. I have a similar one holding my tiny daughter's hand, we had the same hands, the same lines and everything. I look at them and try to live my life for her too, but sometimes I'd quite like to be able to stop for a little while, go and snuggle her, and then come back and try to carry on. My head is still trying to explain to my heart why I can't do that. Not quite sure it will ever understand

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