My own little try of a poem, not exactly Shakespeare I know
My grief is like a deep dark hole
when you fall to the bottom it is so dark, so dark you cannot see a thing it's
like being at the bottom of a deep deep well
when you manage to claw your way up a bit, and struggle on, carry on, sometimes you can see the light above, your not in the light but you can see it in the distance
after a lot of time, and a lot of trying you can actually climb out of the hole, but your never far from the hole, your always standing beside it, waiting to fall in at any moment, all it takes is an insensitive comment or a sharp reminder and within an instant, you are right at the very bottom of the deep dark hole.
and so much energy goes into purely exisiting, so much energy and strength it takes to just get through the days
even on good days my heart aches and is deeply deeply sad
Normal things I find so hard and difficult like attending tots groups as the first question will be, how many children do you have
Dagger to the heart
yet I will continue to strive to make my life and the life of your sister and brother and father the best and happiest and best I can make it
just know dearest beautiful son, I love you, I miss you, I think of you every single day, I spend as much head space on you as I do your brother and sister, which is as you know, alot because you children are my world, everyday I wish you were here with us, all of us together, enjoying simple things like watching a film, having a cuddle, reading you a story, seeing your face, so perfect
and all the great times I wanted to share with you like taking you sledging, taking you on holiday, swimming with you, playing with you, birthdays and Christmas's
also I want you to know, I always think how would have your life turned out, what things would have you been into, what toys and games would you like
would you like rides in theme parks or would they scare you
would you like pets what food would you have liked
what sort of man would you become, what job would you do, would you get married, would you have children, what would you call those children, would they be boys or girls
so many things I wonder and they are all about you
I kind of imagine you would have like the toys we have in the house, like your big sisters sylvanian collection! your little brother loves them
I imagine you would have liked all the foods we do and a cheeky takeaway on a Saturday night
I imagine you would have loved theme parks rides like the rest of us
I know you would enjoy stories and reading
everyone loves them
just want you to know how very much I love you and miss you
I will miss you forever
love mummy xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx