Facebook and birth announcements

[GrinAndTonic]

My DB and SIL were having DC2 today via planned c-section.

I heard nothing all morning and assumed it was moved to the afternoon.
At 3pm today a friend messaged me to say congratulations on the birth of my nephew. Yep, I found out that my nephew was born at 8:30am and the news was posted on FB first. I found out from someone I wasn't related to.

My DM had been up to the hospital and seen everyone and also posted on FB but didn't even call me.

I have received a message from SIL asking when I am visiting as she wants the gift I have bought (a sling - DM told her what it was).

I feel so disappointed in the manner that I found out. I understand that this is a special and difficult time (due to the cesarean) but how hard is it for DB to text? If you can Facebook you can text/call.

So AIBU?

[Agent160]

While I don't generally like Facebook posts announcements (I haven't announced my pregnancy on Facebook, for example, like a lot of people do) but I do think in this situation it's a good way to tell lots of friends quickly - it's the modern version of announcement cards. Although I do think close family should be told first - either by the couple or another family member on their behalf.

Giving your SIL the benefit of the doubt, could she perhaps have thought your DB had told all the family/his family (given that he had rang his mother she could have thought he'd contacted you too or asked your DM to do so) and so felt it was ok to post it on Facebook.

[StayWithMe]

Oops sorry OP, I got carried away there. YNBU.

[iamnotaponceyloudperson]

We're very close to siblings but it was quick call to parents, then much cooing over baby, recovery, more cooing over baby, drug induced sleep for me, baby checks etc. Facebook after a couple of hours took care of everyone else, including my very lovely dsis who my parent's knew not to call because she was at work. Can't remember speaking to anyone myself the day any of the babies were born (all born in the afternoon).

It sounds very precious to focus on how you found out rather than the arrival of a gorgeous healthy nephew.

[ConstanceMarkYaBitch]

Does it matter "the manner in which you found out"? They had a baby today, you're an Aunt, everyone is safe and well, presumably? Then who the fuck cares if you found out by phone call, facebook, or bloody smoke signals from atop a far off hill? Perspective!

[ElsaAintAsColdAsMe]

Your brother and Mum didn't contact you either, but you are blaming it on her for the most part, she has just given birth.

From the way she text it sounds like she assumed you knew already.

It also sounds like you are rather attention seeking yourself, you 'had words' with your DM? Why? She will be excited about becoming a granny and now she has had a telling off.

Your SIL has just given birth, she deserves a bit of attention, she probably wants a bit of a fuss from the people in her life who like her.

[ihateminecraft]

I agree with you. If it were me, I'd text/phone close family before putting it on fb. Didn't have fb when my DC'S were born but I did send a group text. There are times when fb isn't appropriate. Bit different, but a couple years ago a very close friend died. DH was given the job of phoning round our circle of friends. He'd hardly started when another close friend called very upset as they'd read about it on fb! A distant friend who hadn't seen the deceased for years and who'd heard through a mutual friend saw fit to express their "grief" on fb. Totally inappropriate use of fb Imo.

[pluck]

Well, the fact that you had to be contacted separately, in order to get the sling off you, will teach them not to do that again!

[Tfoot75]

It looks bad from your point of view, but I can easily see this happening and no one being at fault. When I had my first, we told parents only and then were very busy with what happens after having an operation and enjoying our new baby. I did then put it on facebook much later that same day, I assumed that parents had told close family, who wants to be stuck on the phone when you've just had a baby? It could so easily have happened that my DM had assumed that id want to tell DB myself etc and not mentioned it!

They've just had a baby and major surgery, it's not their responsibility to think of the feelings of other adults, so unless they didn't tell you on purpose then i can't see that they've done anything wrong.

[gobbynorthernbird]

It isn't your SIL fault that neither your mum or brother care about/like you enough to call or text you to let you know.

[starbug1]

YANBU
i would be hurt too. Facebook is for the masses, close family/friends deserve a call or text, whether it comes direct from the new parents or not.

[FrackingHell]

Wow, gobby , did saying that make you feel big and special? You must be a seriously unpleasant person.

[NotAnotherMonday]

When my DD was born it was 9.30 at night, my Dp told his parents via text that she'd been born. 20 minutes later before he'd had a chance to call my mum, it was on FB via FIL, my mother was fuming.

[GrinAndTonic]

Interesting perspectives some people have.
I'm blaming DB and DM more then SIL.
I am close to my family just not SIL. I don't like her and she doesn't like me but we are polite and social at all times. I wasn't aware it was a requirement that you like you in-laws. Must have missed that directive.
DM found out as she was at the hospital for her work and someone there mentioned it to her. They live in a small town.
I am also not sure how you have come to the conclusion that I'm not happy for them? I haven't mentioned any sentiment expressing that. Perhaps I should have filled my lists with smileys and flowers? Of course I'm happy I have a healthy baby nephew.
How I have my phone set up should make no difference.
And yes I'm pissed at SIL text. If she was well enough to text "you coming around soon with that sling" then she is also well enough to add in a "'we are all fine and doing well".

Either way i obviously have very different beliefs and standards to many other people.
I know for next time.

[LittleRedSparke]

she is also well enough to add in a "'we are all fine and doing well".


But you know they're fine

[PaulAnkaTheDog]

But you spent most of the thread making bitchy comments about your SIL. Why do that if it's not really her you're pissed at. It honestly just seems like you want to complain about sil. The comments about her attention seeking etc are completely unnecessary unless you just wanted to complain.

[Mintyy]

I agree op. I don't have a problem with Facebook and have an account which I look at most days.

However, I think it's really tacky to make announcing it on FB your first port of call when you have got important personal news

But then I am an old gimmer.

[madmother1]

Both my children were born pre mobiles. We had to get some change to ring our parents by a call box in the hospital. Imagine that

[FlowersAndShit]

How uncouth

[StayWithMe]

Sorry OP, I've changed my mind. YABU. Reading your further comments I can see why they didn't contact you personally. Has it not occurred to you that your relationship with your brother will be affected by your attitude towards his wife? Your sil is not simply a baby making machine in order for you to have a niece/nephew? Your relationship with your nephew will be affected if you don't make an effort with his mother. Can you make an effort or is she an axe murderor or something? What's so vile about her?

[myotherusernameisbetter]

tbf, none of us can decide whether it is unreasonable or not as communication styles vary in different families and social groups - we are all basing it on what would happen in ours, or what we feel comfortable with.

However, unless everyone else got a personal call and you were left out, or you are not friends with your brother or sil on facebook and therefore they could reasonably expect that you would not get the message then I think yabu still. Whilst you may not like the way they communicated the message, it was communicated and there does not appear to be any attempt to exclude you.

It might not be the way you would choose but that's just life.

[plantsitter]

When I had DD1 I didn't realise I could only send 10 people a message at once, so half the messages I sent didn't go when I thought they had. Those people found out about her birth on Facebook and I only realised when I noticed the same thing had happened when DD2 was born! Are you quite sure it wasn't a mistake? To be honest I don't think YABU.

[WorzelsCornyBrows]

Finding out on FB is unfortunate and not ideal, I'd be a bit about that myself. But texting you asking for the sling that's very grasping.

That said, they've just had a baby, everyone is well, that's the main thing. Try to focus on that.

[slithytove]

We told our parents and asked them to keep it quiet.

Then we allowed our parents to tell who they wanted (within a day, just wanted some peace first). Only then did we post on FB.

We are clearly better people.

[Cheesypop]

YANBU op. When my baby is born in a few months I will definitely want to make sure the family and close friends all know 'personally' by text or phone call before it goes on Facebook. I'm not against Facebook at all, but it is impersonal and for the masses, not for the people who have just had a new member of their own flesh and blood arrive on the earth.