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AIBU?

Facebook and birth announcements

85 replies

GrinAndTonic · 15/10/2015 11:35

My DB and SIL were having DC2 today via planned c-section.

I heard nothing all morning and assumed it was moved to the afternoon.
At 3pm today a friend messaged me to say congratulations on the birth of my nephew. Yep, I found out that my nephew was born at 8:30am and the news was posted on FB first. I found out from someone I wasn't related to.

My DM had been up to the hospital and seen everyone and also posted on FB but didn't even call me.

I have received a message from SIL asking when I am visiting as she wants the gift I have bought (a sling - DM told her what it was).

I feel so disappointed in the manner that I found out. I understand that this is a special and difficult time (due to the cesarean) but how hard is it for DB to text? If you can Facebook you can text/call.

So AIBU?

OP posts:

Report

TurquoiseDress · 15/10/2015 23:52

When my LO was born last year, after my OH had gone home I texted all my close friends with a couple of photos. OH did the same.

I put one photo up on FB with name & details at least about 3 days later.

Really wouldn't have wanted to do that in the first few hours after the birth, I preferred to undivifually contact my siblings & close friends.

I'm someone who is slightly addicted to FB, but when it came to the birth of my baby I didn't want to make it the first place for an announcement.

Also my auntie accidentally told all of my FB by basically announcing the birth, name etc. I actually just deleted her post a few hours later but already had messages coming in.

Orangeisthenewbanana · 15/10/2015 23:28

We called both sets of parents and my sister within 1-2 hours of DD being born and sent BIL a text at the same time (they had a 3 month old, so couldn't really call them in case we disturbed baby too!). The next day we sent texts to close friends/family (DD born at midnight) and announced on FB later on that day. We felt it was important that closer family/friends knew before the wider world of FB acquaintances, but each to their own. I don't blame you for being a little annoyed, especially when their first contact is to demand a gift from you.

Of course it's possible they thought your DM would just tell you?

PaulAnkaTheDog · 15/10/2015 23:18

slithy

ElizabethG81 · 15/10/2015 23:11

I think it's really rude actually. I wouldn't say anything, but I'd think this was pretty classless. You make sure family and close friends know first, then put it on Facebook if you really must.

Mmmmcake123 · 15/10/2015 23:02

Don't feel hurt tho, it's not worth and as for asking for the sling, I just think she is being a bit giddy rather than blatantly out of order.
Gobby, that was just too abrupt and not very northern

pinotblush · 15/10/2015 23:01

Im also thinking that it sounds as if you don't have the best of relationships with your sister-in-law and of course your brother knows this, so Im not really surprised

Mmmmcake123 · 15/10/2015 22:56

My dh rang parents, my mum first and told her to tell my dsis which she did. I then group texted friends shortly after. My dsis loves fb but didn't post anything, we hadn't discussed it she just knew better. In op's case I think DM should have let her know but if she was at the hospital already probably just got swept up in the moment. I think sil posting on fb is similar to my group text, she could have thought you already knew or was maybe just so excited forgot about you not having access whilst at work. Think your DM should have remembered this if she had been forewarned by you.

jorahmormont · 15/10/2015 22:40

All of our friends, and most extended family, found out through FB.

We called close family - my dad and siblings (my mum was second birth partner), OH's parents, OH's sister and my nan - immediately after the birth (bearing in mind she was born just before midnight, so it was about 1am by the time we were making the phone calls.

Everyone else found out the next morning when we updated Facebook. If people complained about how they found out, I couldn't care less. I'd done a drip induction on gas and air, been stitched for two hours and was still on constant watch for a blood transfusion because I was so anaemic, and OH was exhausted having not slept for a week. If anyone had called us selfish - or drama queen, spoilt, whatever - I'd have told them not to be so bloody entitled.

ballerinabelle · 15/10/2015 22:08

My bil and sil waited 14 hours after the birth of their baby to tell anyone and she had been for 36 hours before that. Didn't hear a thing for over two days. Both sets of parents were beside themselves with worry. The least BIL could've done was send a text at some point but you see OP people are strange. Don't worry about it. I certainly wouldn't be rushing to give them a present though.

slithytove · 15/10/2015 21:19

Of course, the first time, we had to tell people that dd hadn't survived birth.

So that took priority. How fortunate you haven't heard that, and that your brother has had a healthy son. (More important than him being your nephew incidentally).

You come across as very me me me.

lexigrey · 15/10/2015 21:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Cheesypop · 15/10/2015 21:14

YANBU op. When my baby is born in a few months I will definitely want to make sure the family and close friends all know 'personally' by text or phone call before it goes on Facebook. I'm not against Facebook at all, but it is impersonal and for the masses, not for the people who have just had a new member of their own flesh and blood arrive on the earth.

slithytove · 15/10/2015 21:11

We told our parents and asked them to keep it quiet.

Then we allowed our parents to tell who they wanted (within a day, just wanted some peace first). Only then did we post on FB.

We are clearly better people.

WorzelsCornyBrows · 15/10/2015 21:05

Finding out on FB is unfortunate and not ideal, I'd be a bit about that myself. But texting you asking for the sling that's very grasping.

That said, they've just had a baby, everyone is well, that's the main thing. Try to focus on that.

plantsitter · 15/10/2015 21:02

When I had DD1 I didn't realise I could only send 10 people a message at once, so half the messages I sent didn't go when I thought they had. Those people found out about her birth on Facebook and I only realised when I noticed the same thing had happened when DD2 was born! Are you quite sure it wasn't a mistake? To be honest I don't think YABU.

myotherusernameisbetter · 15/10/2015 20:57

tbf, none of us can decide whether it is unreasonable or not as communication styles vary in different families and social groups - we are all basing it on what would happen in ours, or what we feel comfortable with.

However, unless everyone else got a personal call and you were left out, or you are not friends with your brother or sil on facebook and therefore they could reasonably expect that you would not get the message then I think yabu still. Whilst you may not like the way they communicated the message, it was communicated and there does not appear to be any attempt to exclude you.

It might not be the way you would choose but that's just life.

StayWithMe · 15/10/2015 20:47

Sorry OP, I've changed my mind. YABU. Reading your further comments I can see why they didn't contact you personally. Has it not occurred to you that your relationship with your brother will be affected by your attitude towards his wife? Your sil is not simply a baby making machine in order for you to have a niece/nephew? Your relationship with your nephew will be affected if you don't make an effort with his mother. Can you make an effort or is she an axe murderor or something? What's so vile about her?

FlowersAndShit · 15/10/2015 20:35

How uncouth

madmother1 · 15/10/2015 20:33

Both my children were born pre mobiles. We had to get some change to ring our parents by a call box in the hospital. Imagine that

Mintyy · 15/10/2015 20:29

I agree op. I don't have a problem with Facebook and have an account which I look at most days.

However, I think it's really tacky to make announcing it on FB your first port of call when you have got important personal news

But then I am an old gimmer.

PaulAnkaTheDog · 15/10/2015 20:24

But you spent most of the thread making bitchy comments about your SIL. Why do that if it's not really her you're pissed at. It honestly just seems like you want to complain about sil. The comments about her attention seeking etc are completely unnecessary unless you just wanted to complain.

LittleRedSparke · 15/10/2015 20:17

she is also well enough to add in a "'we are all fine and doing well".

But you know they're fine

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GrinAndTonic · 15/10/2015 20:11

Interesting perspectives some people have.
I'm blaming DB and DM more then SIL.
I am close to my family just not SIL. I don't like her and she doesn't like me but we are polite and social at all times. I wasn't aware it was a requirement that you like you in-laws. Must have missed that directive.
DM found out as she was at the hospital for her work and someone there mentioned it to her. They live in a small town.
I am also not sure how you have come to the conclusion that I'm not happy for them? I haven't mentioned any sentiment expressing that. Perhaps I should have filled my lists with smileys and flowers? Of course I'm happy I have a healthy baby nephew.
How I have my phone set up should make no difference.
And yes I'm pissed at SIL text. If she was well enough to text "you coming around soon with that sling" then she is also well enough to add in a "'we are all fine and doing well".

Either way i obviously have very different beliefs and standards to many other people.
I know for next time.

OP posts:

NotAnotherMonday · 15/10/2015 19:42

When my DD was born it was 9.30 at night, my Dp told his parents via text that she'd been born. 20 minutes later before he'd had a chance to call my mum, it was on FB via FIL, my mother was fuming.

FrackingHell · 15/10/2015 19:16

Wow, gobby , did saying that make you feel big and special? You must be a seriously unpleasant person.

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