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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Facebook and birth announcements

85 replies

GrinAndTonic · 15/10/2015 11:35

My DB and SIL were having DC2 today via planned c-section.

I heard nothing all morning and assumed it was moved to the afternoon.
At 3pm today a friend messaged me to say congratulations on the birth of my nephew. Yep, I found out that my nephew was born at 8:30am and the news was posted on FB first. I found out from someone I wasn't related to.

My DM had been up to the hospital and seen everyone and also posted on FB but didn't even call me.

I have received a message from SIL asking when I am visiting as she wants the gift I have bought (a sling - DM told her what it was).

I feel so disappointed in the manner that I found out. I understand that this is a special and difficult time (due to the cesarean) but how hard is it for DB to text? If you can Facebook you can text/call.

So AIBU?

OP posts:
PitBlackwell · 15/10/2015 12:15

My MIL announced our baby's birth on FB before we'd told the rest of our family and friends. So that was nice. Hmm

Maybe your SIL was trying to avoid that situation?

MackerelOfFact · 15/10/2015 12:15

YABU. I have a friend that is due any day now so I'm checking Facebook for updates because that's how I expect I'll find out.

It was a planned C-section so you knew it was imminent, I would've called/texted DB or DM to check everything was OK if I hadn't heard anything by 3pm!

Ihatechoosingnames · 15/10/2015 12:16

I'm sure she hasn't done it to be an attention seeking drama queen OP, they've had a busy morning and a c-section is a pretty big ordeal. I really don't understand why you're upset. When you've just given birth you really can't think of everyone else, you're drugged up, emotional, in pain etc. Cut your bro and SIL some slack.

purplemunkey · 15/10/2015 12:23

It doesn't sound like you like your SIL very much. I'd imagine that's why you weren't one of the first to be personally contacted.

Original poster
GrinAndTonic · 15/10/2015 12:27

I don't check FB while at work as we are specifically told that social media is banned and being caught on it is a disciplinary offence. A text can be set to vibrate. I told my boss that I was having my phone on me due to the birth. I don't have access to a computer either during the day. Not everyone works in an office.

SIL is a drama queen. However I will admit this has nothing to do with the birth just about how she announced the birth on FB before telling any family. Yes it was her as I recognise her writing style.

I have not once said it was about me. I don't know one single person who announced their child's birth on FB before telling family. Would you announce a death the same way or other monumental event in the same way?

Like I said earlier, I must be old fashioned.

OP posts:
Junosmum · 15/10/2015 12:27

OH and I are expecting our first in January and have had this discussion - we were both adamant that we wanted to call round the nearest and dearest and announce the birth ourselves and THEN announce on facebook, as I know a number of people on there would like to know but calling all of them would be too much, no way would I let my family (inc my in laws) find out by facebook! That's just rude!

Laquila · 15/10/2015 12:27

To be fair, your brother and SIL didn't know that you were going to find out from someone you haven't seen in umpteen years. They probably just assumed that you would see the announcement on FB like everyone else, or expected that your mum would have told you.

When I had my first son, I was in hospital for three days after and whilst I managed to get msgs to most people, I completely forgot about an old and dear friend - she messaged me on day three to ask if there was any news and I was mortified. I always thought it was a measure of how good a friend she was that she was very good-natured about it and completely understanding, which I really appreciated.

AliceInUnderpants · 15/10/2015 12:29

How did your DM manage to visit them in the hospital if they hadn't told any family about the birth?

MidnightRun · 15/10/2015 12:30

In my opinion yanbu!

I'm close to my brother and I'd be gutted if I found out through a friend because it was already posted on Facebook!

My dh specifically asked that we don't put my pregnancy on Facebook because he wanted to tell everyone face to face. So even at 6 months we're still surprising people being able to tell them when we see them. And it is the most amazing feeling watching people getting excited for you. A few likes on Facebook couldn't compare! It's everyone's own choice but I keep Facebook for less personal things.. Like cat videos! :p

trollkonor · 15/10/2015 12:32

These days I would assume that if someone was in the situation where they could pick up a text they would be picking up FB news too. Mine is set up that I get an alert when very close friends and family post so its no different than waiting for a text alert to come in.

Logically I know that not everyone has a smart phone set up but my default setting is that anyone from my generation or younger will. Unless I was specifically asked to contact an individual by txt it really wouldn't occur to me in that situation.

My mum and mil are in their 70s and have FB and email set up on their phones and tablets.

Minkybinkyboo · 15/10/2015 12:34

Yanbu! We made sure that all the close family knew my dd was born before letting the wider world know via fb (and that was just to save time).
I wouldn't dream of not informing my brother and sil in a personal way!

Notimefortossers · 15/10/2015 12:39

Different strokes for different folks :) You can't be upset with them though. It's their baby and their choice how they share their news. I very much doubt they did this to hurt you

SushiAndTheBanshees · 15/10/2015 12:42

Yes you are being old fashioned. Snobbery over FB in circumstances such as this is why social media can be a bad thing - it brings out the worst in people (you've just got a brand new nephew ffs, and this is what's on your mind enough to post on MN about!). Social media can be a tool, like your DB and SIL seem to have grasped. It doesn't have to be your master (which is what I think most FB snobs are worried about).

myotherusernameisbetter · 15/10/2015 12:46

Mine were born pre FB, we just told DM and DMIL and they disseminated the info. If it were now, I would still first tell DM and DH would tell one of his brothers since DMIL is no longer alive, and then post on FB. Most family are on there now and we use it to share family info etc. I'm not friends with thousands of random people though.

Qwertybynature · 15/10/2015 12:47

Sorry but I think it's common courtesy to call / message family and friends first before announcing it on Facebook. I don't have an issue with birth announcements on social media but in my view that's for a general announcement after your nearest and dearest have been informed.

Oh well OP, least you know where you stand. Congratulations on your niece / nephew though.

maybemyrtle · 15/10/2015 12:51

God, I wouldn't go out of my way to update someone who clearly has such ill will towards me either! Why on earth would you?

By the way, I'm afraid that your posts have indeed been all about you. You don't like SIL, you don't like the way you found out, you can't use FB at work, etc etc. I hope mother and baby are doing well.

PaulAnkaTheDog · 15/10/2015 12:54

I fail to see how her usually being an 'attention seeker' is in any way relevant here.

mrsb26 · 15/10/2015 12:58

I'm with the OP.

I don't think it's unreasonable to contact close family to announce the birth of your child before you let the rest of the world know.

It drives me nuts that people are so hung up about getting things on Facebook as quickly as humanly possible. Just relish the moment!!

I also hate the scan-picture-as-my-profile-pic-to-announce-my-pregnancy trend.

Meh. Each to their own.

maybebabybee · 15/10/2015 13:02

I think the way other people do it always seems a bit weird. Eg DP's DP and SIL announced theirs a whole day and half after he had been born, by text, to family. I thought that was strange but that's just how they are in their family. In my family my sister's partner called when she was in labour and then almost immediately after the baby was born. I'm pregnant with my first and all being well I'll be doing that too.

I wouldn't dream of putting it up on facebook before telling family and friends myself. I find that very strange. But each to their own!!

maybemyrtle · 15/10/2015 13:04

I don't think it's unreasonable to contact close family to announce the birth of your child before you let the rest of the world know.

They did - the mother visited them in hospital.

OP is clearly not close family, as evidenced by how she talks about SIL!

WaggleBee · 15/10/2015 13:13

Yanbu OP. And you can feel upset about it. Obviously you won't be saying anything to them but you're allowed to privately feel hurt. A lot of people would feel the same. Flowers

There's a lot of touched nerves on this thread...

LovelyBranches · 15/10/2015 13:21

After my DS there was no way I was phoning anyone. Nobody at all.

DH phoned my DM and his DP, it was their job to pass on the news to the family.

LagunaBubbles · 15/10/2015 13:21

You dont sound as if you like your SIL very much. How did your DM find out?

PaulAnkaTheDog · 15/10/2015 13:24

I don't think it's touched nerves. I think it's people picking up on the op's obvious negative attitude towards her sil and pointing out that it's not doing her any favours.

StayWithMe · 15/10/2015 13:55

I must admit, I would find that upsetting, but I would be more upset with my brother for not letting me know. You asked about people mentioning deaths on Facebook. I found out a very, very good friend died while my DH was in hospice, when an arsehole took it upon herself to announce her death. She strongly implied that she was speaking on behalf of the family. Angry It turns out my df's husband didn't even have a chance to tell all the family and was very upset by this.

On the other hand I was criticised for not putting anything on my husband's Facebook when he died. Apparently they were annoyed that I hadn't thought how upset they were at missing his funeral. Confused The fact that he used to post practically every day for two years, including when he went into the hospice then stopped didn't suggest anything was wrong. Sorry I didn't take time out from my despair and looking after my family to tell you all about it. Ffs Hmm