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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To just want a small family Christmas

50 replies

sjd84 · 14/10/2015 14:06

My husband and I have a 2 1/2 year old boy, we both want a small Christmas at home, just the three of us. My family (mum, dad, sister and BIL) I feel will be disappointed if we are not there for Christmas. We have spent 7 of the last 8 Christmas' with my family. What do people think, am I being unreasonable to just want to spend some time the three of us?

OP posts:
gymboywalton · 14/10/2015 14:09

not at all

so what if they are disappointed? you are not responsible for their feelings.
just say 'we are having christmas day home alone. shall we come and see you on boxing day?' or something like thata

MajesticSeaFlapFlap · 14/10/2015 14:09

Just do it. Nothing bad will happen, they are adults they can suck it up.

GloGirl · 14/10/2015 14:10

Fuck 'em.

patterkiller · 14/10/2015 14:11

If you both are in agreement then yanbu. Your family will understand or if not they will get over it.

Bragadocia · 14/10/2015 14:12

I love being just the three of us on Christmas day. Christmas is a festival really - family can visit and be visited at any time over the period. It's likely that people will be disappointed, yes, but as mature adults they should be able to manage those feelings, understand that their preferences do not count for more than yours, and get on with having a lovely day themselves.

DrasticAction · 14/10/2015 14:12

If there was one lone person there you would not be with, perhaps not...but seeing as they all have each other, do it and without guilt!its so lolvey

polarbearshuffle · 14/10/2015 14:14

YANBU at all. We are having a small Christmas with just me, dp and dcs this year. And why not?! ds is 2 and dd will be under one, we just want to relax and enjoy it especially as dp works long hours right up till Christmas Day. Yet to break this news to MIL though Confused I think you as long as you're clear and honest with everyone it'll be fine. There's always Boxing Day or over new year were you can all get together.

IamSantaClaus · 14/10/2015 14:14

We're doing that too op . I have two little dcs and just want the majority of the day to be just us . We are happy for people to visit for a while to see the dcs but dinner etc shall just be us . With no turkey Shock

IamSantaClaus · 14/10/2015 14:14

Sorry hadn't finished . Dont feel guilty , just enjoy your day and see other family over the rest of the Christmas period

laundryeverywhere · 14/10/2015 14:15

We have a quiet Xmas as that is what my DH and DD both like. I normally like to see my family soon after and we have a fun day and do a nice meal then. Personally I do like to see my family, but I don't think it's fair to go when the others don't want to, but I did say to Dh I don't want my Grandmother or mum left on their own for the day. If it looked like that would happen we would arrange something. But so far they have been together for the day, or with other relatives so we have had our quiet Christmas for some years now.

EponasWildDaughter · 14/10/2015 14:15

If you want to begin to start building little xmas traditions in your own home you have to start having xmas there at some point.

It can be hard to break with existing traditions (especially if this means a family member no longer hosting xmas when they have always done it previously).

Make a bigger deal of the arrangements for when you are going to see them IYSWIM? ''We wont be coming over on xmas day, but we'll be over xmas eve/boxing day/day after'' etc.

JassyRadlett · 14/10/2015 14:16

It's lovely.

We've had my parents come to us once since DS was born (they live abroad), the in laws have a standing invitation but are clear that they only want a family Christmas if it's at their house. I refuse to spend Christmas morning in a hotel, so we see them later over the break.

I always loved my big family Christmases, but i have to say our wee family Christmases are blissful.

Bubblesinthesummer · 14/10/2015 14:16

Fuck 'em

Hmm
EponasWildDaughter · 14/10/2015 14:20

I was just thinking ... if your parents resist the idea, then maybe use flattery to help. ie: we want to start building lovely memories of christmases at their own home for our DC, like the ones i have from when i was little.

Original poster
sjd84 · 14/10/2015 14:23

Thanks for all the replies.

Myself and my husband both work full time, so weeks go so quickly, I think we are both looking forward to the idea of it just being the 3 of us, and having a very relaxed day in our home, starting our own traditions.

We will visit all family at some point over the Christmas period, and no-one will be left on their own, feeling slightly less guilty about it now!

OP posts:
Original poster
sjd84 · 14/10/2015 14:28

Love that idea Eponas, we had many a Christmas as children just our own little family!

OP posts:
florentina1 · 14/10/2015 14:28

Please do it, or you will spend years trapped into doing what other people want.

Don't over explain, get one clear thought in your mind about your reason and stick with it.

Bit more advice, don't be hijacked into letting your relatives saying, oh we will have a Xmas at ours the weekend before, thus ruining the magic for the little one.

Took me 25 years to break the habit.

squoosh · 14/10/2015 14:52

'Fuck 'em' seems a teenchy bit ott. Just tell them your plans and arrange to meet up on another day.

GloGirl · 14/10/2015 14:58

My post "Fuck 'em"

Did not mean "Tell them to go fuck themselves".

It meant, they're grown ups who seem quite able to arrange their own Christmas Day and if you want a small quiet day just you, your husband and son do it and enjoy it and don't feel guilty.

Bonywasawarriorwayayix · 14/10/2015 15:02

I feel your pain OP. I'm 36 and we've been alternating Christmas with my and DH's parents since I was 22. Now we have DS and I'm pregnant with DC2, we want to cozy up and make our own traditions. We live the other side of the country to my family, so I'm going to break it to them after we've spent this Christmas with my lot.

glenthebattleostrich · 14/10/2015 15:18

When we had DD we put our foot down.

Pre DD we spent half the day with my family then half the day with DHs, basically running around like idiots and as DH was driving he got stick giving lifts to everyone.

DDs first Christmas we visited Christmas afternoon, the next Christmas was alone at home and now we invite family, though SIL won't come as she doesn't want to wake up in a hotel room but its fine for us apparently

My mother is still furious but as I point out, I'm not carting presents around the country nor am I letting DD open her gifts then making her get in the car for 2.5 hours. But I'm selfish like that, depriving people of their grandchildren!!!

Do what is right for you OP.

Original poster
sjd84 · 14/10/2015 15:42

I didn't think I was being unreasonable, and seeing the replies on here I'm obviously not. I started doubting myself when one of my work colleagues told me that Christmas was about families, I replied yes that me, my husband and our son are a family! Grin for our first family Christmas!

OP posts:
2rebecca · 14/10/2015 16:08

You're not leaving anyone to spend xmas on their own. There are 4 of them. It sounds as though your parents have had plenty of xmas with you vs your husband's anyway.

Gatehouse77 · 14/10/2015 20:00

We have done the majority of the day at ours and then travelled to family for pudding and present exchange. Works well as you get the majority of the day to yourselves, don't have to cater for pudding and can leave to go home with the excuse of needing to put children to bed!

YouTheCat · 14/10/2015 20:08

Christmas is about families.

And if you choose that family to be your dh and dc, then that sounds like a perfectly reasonable Christmas to me.

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