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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

A driver just screamed at me... My fault or his?

119 replies

MaryPoppinsPenguins · 13/10/2015 14:35

I took my DD to visit my nan, she lives on quite a thin windy road that's absolutely packed with cars. To get from one end to the other you have to pull in (in front of occasional driveways) probably 10-15 times.

I parked, visited, and came back to the car to put my DD in on the road side. I waited about 3-4 minutes for a clear road and ran round there to put her in her seat. She was messing around and struggling and it took me longer than usual... I looked to the right and a car came speeding around the corner, not even giving me enough time to shut the door and get behind my car. I put my hand up in a 'wait' gesture... And he screeched up beside me, opened his window and said 'what the fuck?' Or something like that. I said that he was going really fast and I didn't think he'd stop' the road really is thin and he couldn't have got past me, I'm sure.

He said 'you look after your fucking self and I'll watch my own fucking driving...' And continued to shout at me while cars behaviour to queue behind him, and cars arrived and waited the other way.

I couldn't just leave my DD sitting unstrapped in the carseat and I have a really bad back and can't climb across to do it, so as he wouldn't move, I just opened the door as much as I could and strapped her in while he screamed at me. Everyone was bibbing like it was my fault but I was parked... He was the one blocking the road.

It's really shaken my confidence, I'm not the best driver and I really have to force myself to go out and actually use my car.

Was I in the wrong? Should I have found a place on the other side further down where she would've been kerbside? Should I not have signalled to him to wait?

OP posts:

MissFitt68 · 13/10/2015 18:55

Yes glo it sounds hard. But knowing it's hard you'd park appropriately wouldn't you? So you make life easier and safer for yourself,your child and other road users. You wouldn't just park badly knowing you were going to struggle would you?

JeremySpokeInClassToday · 13/10/2015 19:13

I can only relate to incidents that I have personally witnessed. There does seem to have been a 'type'.
I have never seen a young man behave like this - this is not to say that they never do though, I just have never witnessed it.

I have only seen women get verbally angry when they have been cut up or similar, I haven't seen a woman let rip through being temporarily inconvenienced. Again, I am not saying this doesn't happen.
I perhaps could have worded my post better to clarify this, however it is not, in my opinion 'Bullshit'.
We can only post based on our own experiences, and this is mine - men who I doubt would speak to another man like this over something so minor.

beefthief · 13/10/2015 19:31

Baws, dear. You may be talking about your experiences, but what you're struggling to grasp is that those experiences don't apply in every case, and we have no evidence to suggest it does in this case.

Original poster

MaryPoppinsPenguins · 13/10/2015 20:24

Missfit - I have no idea why you put quotation marks around 'bad back'... I genuinely have a back problem and bending and reaching in certain ways while carrying weight (like one of my children) can really injure me.... I'm sorry if you don't believe this but it's completely true. I also didn't 'park badly' as you so rudely state. I parked perfectly well and my car wasn't blocking anybody, I waited until the road was clear to put my child in but a man speeding became frustrated. If he had been travelling at an appropriate speed I would have been able to shut the door and stand behind my car so he could pass, but he didn't. He chose to speed towards me and then verbally abuse me because of it.

OP posts:

Leelu6 · 13/10/2015 20:28

YANBU

As another poster said, he probably wouldn't have shouted and swore if you were a man.

I was called a c* the other day by a van driver for daring to cross a clear residential road that he came speeding by on.

They think it's fine to take aggression out on those they perceive as weaker.

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 13/10/2015 20:37

,"They think it's fine to take out aggression on those they perceive as weaker"
Well of course they do, Lee. That's a bully for you. Put someone strong against them. They'd run for cover.

ottothedog · 13/10/2015 20:43

Sometimes i think people misunderstand the whole british politeness thing. It isnt, imo, because we are polite and well mannered it is because we are a violent nation always one step away from violent confrontation. Politeness is society's way of avoiding that violence. Without those polite waves, acknowledgement of another person etc, situations very quickly escalate

Shutthatdoor · 13/10/2015 20:48

We can only post based on our own experiences, and this is mine - men who I doubt would speak to another man like this over something so minor

Well I can tell you, from my own experience, that they do!

Lovemytent · 13/10/2015 20:52

MaryPoppins - the man was at fault here, he was, as PP's have stated, a pathetic bully.
Ignore the negative comments, brave keyboard warriors desperate to pick fault - almost as brave as a man who likes to hurl abuse at a lone woman.
YANBU.

SirChenjin · 13/10/2015 20:57

Really? Interesting. The last wanker who chased after me in his car (long story, posted on here about it) backed right off when my 6 foot, ex rugby player of a DH got out of the passenger seat. The taxi driver who remonstrated with me (again, long story) backed right off when DH came walking into the street. Men like the OP's wanker driver do not dish it out nearly as often to other blokes - especially if that bloke is bigger than them.

Senpai · 13/10/2015 21:01

I can't say I've ever had this problem. Then again, we are allowed to conceal carry around here. I wonder if the thought that we could all be armed keeps us all superficially polite with one another.

This was not a gun argument, just an amused observation. Take it at face value

Yes, he was a twat. I would have lost my temper and shouted right back as is prone to happen in these situations told him to move along, and that he's blocking the road now.

Shutthatdoor · 13/10/2015 21:09

Men like the OP's wanker driver do not dish it out nearly as often to other blokes

I'm not saying they do. It did however happen to my DBro.

My reply was to JeremySpoke who was making very sweeping stereotyping generalisations and then backtracking really quickly when it was picked up on

Lovemytent · 13/10/2015 21:10

SirChenjin - exactly.
I have had this too . I had a guy swear and call me a 'stupid dumb bitch' last week in the street (he walked past me and his arm brushed against my bag outside a shop ) .. oh the look of horror when the guy then saw my 20 stone husband who came out and asked what was going on. The guy couldn't get away fast enough. Very brave.

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 13/10/2015 21:26

Yes . Big hard brave me. They seem to be in abundance.
I've told this story before but I won't go into detail, as its too long but this so called ,"man,, " was screaming pointing and swearing at a sweet old lady.
He absolutely shit himself when her 6ft 20st DGS turned up out of the blue

SirChenjin · 14/10/2015 06:36

Yep - big brave boys aren't so brave when a bigger boy comes along, are they?

Shut - I know that it does happen to men, it just happens to women far, far more frequently. Can you imagine living in a world where roughly half of the adult population can physically overpower you? I'm 5 foot 1 - believe me, it ain't funny. I'm willing to bet that the man who dished it out to your DBro didn't run off when his female partner arrived though, did he? Absolutely pathetic that we still have to rely on our big bruisers of husbands to scare off the wankers.

Shutthatdoor · 14/10/2015 06:40

Can you imagine living in a world where roughly half of the adult population can physically overpower you?

As I am under 5ft so shorter than you, yes I can

ChiefInspectorBarnaby · 14/10/2015 06:54

OP he was rude and nasty and you need to forget about it now it's not worth wasting any more brain-power over. Some people are just impatient and selfish and give no leeway to others. They have a strong sense of entitlement. Ignore. Forget him.

SirChenjin · 14/10/2015 07:09

Great - so you will be fully aware of what it's like, why so many more women are on the receiving end of this sort of behaviour compared to men, and why so many men are only brave when they know they can physically overpower the other person.

backinl00p · 14/10/2015 07:19

He was totally wrong to behave like that.

Even in a car park where there is little room I have got my little one in and then climbed in from the front or other side to then fasten in safely. Yes a huge effort but I prefer that to danger from passing cars or banging car door to parked car.

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