Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

Original poster

A driver just screamed at me... My fault or his?

119 replies

MaryPoppinsPenguins · 13/10/2015 14:35

I took my DD to visit my nan, she lives on quite a thin windy road that's absolutely packed with cars. To get from one end to the other you have to pull in (in front of occasional driveways) probably 10-15 times.

I parked, visited, and came back to the car to put my DD in on the road side. I waited about 3-4 minutes for a clear road and ran round there to put her in her seat. She was messing around and struggling and it took me longer than usual... I looked to the right and a car came speeding around the corner, not even giving me enough time to shut the door and get behind my car. I put my hand up in a 'wait' gesture... And he screeched up beside me, opened his window and said 'what the fuck?' Or something like that. I said that he was going really fast and I didn't think he'd stop' the road really is thin and he couldn't have got past me, I'm sure.

He said 'you look after your fucking self and I'll watch my own fucking driving...' And continued to shout at me while cars behaviour to queue behind him, and cars arrived and waited the other way.

I couldn't just leave my DD sitting unstrapped in the carseat and I have a really bad back and can't climb across to do it, so as he wouldn't move, I just opened the door as much as I could and strapped her in while he screamed at me. Everyone was bibbing like it was my fault but I was parked... He was the one blocking the road.

It's really shaken my confidence, I'm not the best driver and I really have to force myself to go out and actually use my car.

Was I in the wrong? Should I have found a place on the other side further down where she would've been kerbside? Should I not have signalled to him to wait?

OP posts:

SocksRock · 13/10/2015 17:06

I have to load children roadside with three of them across the back seat. Smallest is in the middle as per guidlines of that being the safest position. That means there is no space for the others to climb over to the other side. Because we live on a narrow road, this sometimes means I am momentarily blocking the road while I get a child in and check their seatbelt is secure. How am I in the wrong for doing this?

And no driver has ever objected for the 20-30 seconds absolute max that this takes - I normally wait for a gap in the traffic, but at busy times there is sometimes a car waiting for me for a very small amount of time.

And actually, I find that if I try to squeeze a child in through the smallest possible gap to ensure I'm not blocking the road means that drivers try and sneak past, which is really dangerous for me as my arse is the most sticky out point into the road. So I normally open the door as wide as possible to make sure I am protected.

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 13/10/2015 17:12

I think fault is irrelevant. He shouldn't be screaming foul language at a women especially one on her own with s young child.
Would he have screamed like that if it were 4 six foot tall men.
I think we know the answer.
. Easier said than done but got the nasty horrible twunt out your mind.

MissFitt68 · 13/10/2015 17:12

You gave him the 'wait' sign? That would get my back up immediately. How about a sorry? you yourself said traffic was now building up both sides. You don't get to stop traffic on single track road

Collaborate · 13/10/2015 17:14

You are both BU.

Him for ranting at you, and you for putting a single child in a seat on that side. There is no reason why you couldn't have fixed the seat to the pavement side. There are also far too many parents who do this for them all to have a bad back (not saying you don't, but it can't be all the others I come across).

Original poster

MaryPoppinsPenguins · 13/10/2015 17:14

MissFit did you read my OP? I waited for the road to be clear to put my child in, then he came speeding round the corner so I held my hand up because I thought that if he raced forward for a few seconds more he would hit us. If he had been travelling slowly I would have had time to shut the door and stand behind my car, and the road would not be blocked. My car was parked, he blocked the road to shout at me.

OP posts:

Original poster

MaryPoppinsPenguins · 13/10/2015 17:16

And collaborate - I don't know if you missed my post, I have two children. (And I do legitimately have a back problem.)

OP posts:

CheersMedea · 13/10/2015 17:24

I put my hand up in a 'wait' gesture...

This sounds a bit patronising to be honest and from what you post about what he said

'you look after your fucking self and I'll watch my own fucking driving...
It sounds like it was the "wait" that annoyed him ... and to a certain extent fair enough.

He can see you. He's not going to deliberately run you down or smash his car up taking your car door off.

What blind bit of difference does putting your hand up in a "wait" gesture achieve? He can either get past or he can't. He'll either choose to wait or he won't. It comes across a bit as "I'm in charge of this road thanks."

He was wrong to shout but I can see how having someone blocking the road gesturing you at like that if you are in a hurry is likely to provoke irritation.

Forget about it. He's a rude man.

0hCrepe · 13/10/2015 17:26

He is BU. There is no need to be like that. Stupid egotistical prick can't take you asking him to stop, how very dare you instruct him!!!
When my 2 were little I had a kind of similar thing, one way street, trying to get the road side one out and into a double buggy. The door was stopping a woman getting past. She said out her window "you could close your bloody door" or something. Anyway I was already stressed with the kids not wanting to be strapped in etc so I went over and said I'm struggling here with 2 kids and she actually came back and apologised profusely.
Don't let that mean pig put you off driving. I have all the time in the world for parents strapping in their kids. Totally his problem not yours, he's got issues, I feel very sorry for his wife.

MissFitt68 · 13/10/2015 17:27

Why park so near a corner then? No I didn't miss your post.... Roads aren't clear for long, we all know that. He might have appeared to be 'speeding' all cars seem fast to pedestrians, even when doing just 10mph...

PlaysWellWithOthers · 13/10/2015 17:44

Regardless of whether you had the carseat on the 'wrong' side of the car. Or you gestured and asked him to wait. Or him stopping to have a scream at you held up traffic.

No one has the right to treat you or anyone else the way he treated you.

No one.

Everything else is just a red herring. This abusive git of a man had zero right to treat you the way he did, and, if you have his number plate, I'd be very tempted to report his actions to the police. He sounds like a dangerous and out of control wanker, and there is no place on the road for people like that.

Hope you're ok OP.

Justaboy · 13/10/2015 17:46

I just tell them in a loud voice that,

"Jesus loves you, alleluia!"

They think your some sort of a religious extremist and usually shut up and drive off quickly!.

MissFitt68 · 13/10/2015 17:50

just

Shutthatdoor · 13/10/2015 17:51

A lot of drivers are twats

So are a lot of pedestrians though.

However sweeping generalisations help no one.

Gabilan · 13/10/2015 18:01

However as a pedestrian I wouldn't signal to a driver to wait. You wait until they give way to you, then thank them with a wave.

We seem to forget quite readily that de jure pedestrians have right of way on UK roads (other than motorways). De facto we've been bullied to the extent that we think we have to give a grateful wave for not being run over.

I think in general a driver has to bear in mind that you can only judge on what you're seeing in front of you. They might be the reincarnation of Ayrton Senna, and god knows many of them think they are, but you cannot know that. All you know is that a driver coming towards you is going very fast, and you ask them to slow down. Unfortunately some men get a little confused between their penis and their car and think that a comment on their driving is a direct attack on their manliness.

OP he was rude. If he didn't like being gestured at to wait, he could just have shrugged and let it wash over him. However, I do agree with PP that wherever possible, children should be put in the car away from the traffic side. One of my more memorable experiences on the road was in a city centre on a fairly wide road made narrow by cars being parked on either side. I was on a push bike and coming towards me was an artic lorry. No problem, room for both of us. Until a woman decided to walk into the traffic on my side of the road, babe in arms, open a car door and twat around for an age put the baby in a rear car seat. My heart was in my mouth. Fortunately I stick to appropriate speeds and have good road positioning so I was able to wait, and keep traffic behind me away from her, no mean feat on a bike in rush hour city traffic. I can't say I was impressed though and have no idea why you would put any human being, let alone one so vulnerable, in such a dangerous position.

JeremySpokeInClassToday · 13/10/2015 18:15

OP - I have to say the world is full of idiot men who are chomping for the opportunity to have a shout at a woman, any woman.

I had an idiot van driver pull up alongside me, he actually drove onto the kerb/path to have a go at me because I had stopped for the school crossing lady ! I gave him a mouthful back, telling him what a small man he must be, and he should be ashamed of himself swearing when small children are mere feet away. My mom in law was in the car with me at the time and she says she was stunned as she had never heard me raise my voice in 14 years.

Middle aged man syndrome. They are pathetic, you are not.
Don't let that fool knock your confidence.

Rise above it ! x

beefthief · 13/10/2015 18:16

Gabilan can I check - if I'm wandering along the inside lane of the A1, a driver hitting me will 100% absolutely, definitely be prosecuted? Get away.

Forestdreams · 13/10/2015 18:18

It's nothing to do with being bullied or being grateful for not being run over. It's exactly the same as if one car driver gives way to another. Say if 2 cars need to pass where the road is narrowed by a parked car, the one on the side of the parked car gived way. The other driver, 9 times out of 10, gives a little wave to say thanks. If the second driver instead commanded the one giving way to wait, the one giving way would likely get pissed off, thinking don't order me about and I was bloody giving way already! I have a german friend who lived here for a year and she thinks it's hilarious that we do the hand wavy thanking thing even when it's our right of way. But we do.

None of this justifies the shouty man getting shouty.

beefthief · 13/10/2015 18:21

JeremySpokeetcetc that's an incredible bit of gender baiting, well done you.

Nottodaythankyouorever · 13/10/2015 18:22

I was shouted at the other week by a woman in a car who was constantly on her horn whilst cutting every one up.

When asked what her problem was she yelled she was late to pick her DC up!

Well leave earlier then!

Some people get behind the wheel and take leave of their senses.

The school run etc seem to bring out the worst in people.

Shutthatdoor · 13/10/2015 18:23

OP - I have to say the world is full of idiot men who are chomping for the opportunity to have a shout at a woman, any woman.

Nothing like a bit of generalisation and stereotyping is there?

JeremySpokeInClassToday · 13/10/2015 18:27

There is a certain type of man who would do this.
As a PP said, they would never speak to another male like this, they save it purely for women.
By no means am I slating ALL men. Far from it.

CheersMedea · 13/10/2015 18:31

There is a certain type of man who would do this.

This is utter bullshit.

Anyone has the potential to lose their temper and be verbally abusive to another person - irrespective of their gender or the other person.

Even mild tempered well mannered people go tonto occasionally in the right coincidence of circumstances.

He might be a sexist misogynist prick. He might be a normal guy in a highly stressful situation (could have been rushing to a hospital for example) who lost it with the OP. There is nothing to be gained from sweeping gender stereotypes.

Collaborate · 13/10/2015 18:39

OP - I also have 2 children,and was perfectly able to shovel them both in to the car, and strap them in, from the pavement side. Every time. I didn't consider myself particularly talented in that regard.

MissFitt68 · 13/10/2015 18:45

OP says she has a 'bad back'

GloGirl · 13/10/2015 18:51

Yes everyone will obviously have the same car and the same children and the same physical ability as all the other smug mothers on this thread.

Frankly strapping one of the children in is hard enough that I often get help to do it, let alone from the opposite side of the car past another car seat with a child already in it.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5