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Original poster

A driver just screamed at me... My fault or his?

119 replies

MaryPoppinsPenguins · 13/10/2015 14:35

I took my DD to visit my nan, she lives on quite a thin windy road that's absolutely packed with cars. To get from one end to the other you have to pull in (in front of occasional driveways) probably 10-15 times.

I parked, visited, and came back to the car to put my DD in on the road side. I waited about 3-4 minutes for a clear road and ran round there to put her in her seat. She was messing around and struggling and it took me longer than usual... I looked to the right and a car came speeding around the corner, not even giving me enough time to shut the door and get behind my car. I put my hand up in a 'wait' gesture... And he screeched up beside me, opened his window and said 'what the fuck?' Or something like that. I said that he was going really fast and I didn't think he'd stop' the road really is thin and he couldn't have got past me, I'm sure.

He said 'you look after your fucking self and I'll watch my own fucking driving...' And continued to shout at me while cars behaviour to queue behind him, and cars arrived and waited the other way.

I couldn't just leave my DD sitting unstrapped in the carseat and I have a really bad back and can't climb across to do it, so as he wouldn't move, I just opened the door as much as I could and strapped her in while he screamed at me. Everyone was bibbing like it was my fault but I was parked... He was the one blocking the road.

It's really shaken my confidence, I'm not the best driver and I really have to force myself to go out and actually use my car.

Was I in the wrong? Should I have found a place on the other side further down where she would've been kerbside? Should I not have signalled to him to wait?

OP posts:
Preminstreltension · 13/10/2015 15:08

Of course he was being unreasonable. He had to pause for a short time while someone got themselves into their car, effectively. What an arse. All the roadside/kerbside stuff is a red herring, particularly since you can't always park on the correct side of the road iyswim. On my street (one way) you can't park on the left hand side so what would be kerbside for the passenger normally becomes roadside so it's daft to say you always have to park so that kids get out on the kerb side - it's not always possible.

And I would not find it possible to get two children in from the kerbside - especially not when they are small and you are leaning in with the car seat in hand and right across the car and trying to fasten the thing, possibly while managing a toddler standing on the pavement waiting to get in.

He was just a jerk.

PurpleHairAndPearls · 13/10/2015 15:08

He shouldn't have been an aggressive arse obviously but it is dangerous to get DC out on the roadside. I would rather drive around or park further away to get a space where the DC are on the pavement side. If you have a bad back btw, dependent on what type of car, is it an option to disable any airbags and put the seat in the front passenger side?

Is there a particular reason why you are a nervous driver? IME excessive nervousness can be quite risky on the roads. Could you address this, perhaps some advanced driving lessons or similar to give you more confidence?

whatsthatcomingoverthehill · 13/10/2015 15:11

Of course he was in the wrong.

But yes, if you can, have the seat on the passenger side to make it easier.

diddl · 13/10/2015 15:11

No, of course it isn't always possible. What I meant was that it doesn't automatically preclude being able to get both out kerbside.

And of course you weigh it up at the time.

You park where you can & the type/busy-ness of the road may make it seem an acceptable risk.

I know it's a thing we have been lucky with.

Mostly parking in spaces in car parks, on drives, or visitors would come out & hold a child whilst you leaned in & got the other.

PurpleHairAndPearls · 13/10/2015 15:12

Preminstrel, wouldn't you put the toddler in first? I always used to put the car seat on ground and prioritised any walking DC, get them in first and strapped in, then the babies or DC in seats.

I'm so glad I'm past the car seat stage I must say

StDogolphin · 13/10/2015 15:17

Pedestrians always have right of way.

Preminstreltension · 13/10/2015 15:18

I also used to do the toddler first and then the baby but actually if the baby seat clicks in on the far side you'd have to do the baby first. Or you might have two toddlers. Or you might have any other sort of situation where people just need to stop being arseholes and behave like normal human beings who can pause for 1 minute.

Notthecarwashagain · 13/10/2015 15:26

I wouldn't have reacted like the man did, but I'd have been a bit pissed off if you'd held your hand up at me in a 'wait' way too.

You were both unreasonable, but he acted like a tosser.

TheFlyingFauxPas · 13/10/2015 15:26

I remember a thread like this on here a while ago. I pointed out there that I believe if you are parked the wrong way round, as I'm thinking you were(ie on the right hand side), then you were parked illegally. You're not covered by insurance etc.

Man was still an arse.

TheFlyingFauxPas · 13/10/2015 15:30

But that may only apply at night.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 13/10/2015 15:30

He was in the wrong for shouting at you and holding up the traffic - completely unnecessary reaction to you!

Re. you unloading DD roadside - if I were in the UK, I'd have probably tried to make sure she was kerbside; but here in Australia, we have to park on the side of the road in the direction in which we're travelling, we can't cross to the other side, and DS2 sits behind me, so I'm always unloading him into the road. :( DS1 gets out kerbside. When DS2 was a tiny baby, that was still the safer option, as DS1 wasn't old enough to be that sensible getting out of his own seat; I do wonder though, now DS2 is 3, whether to swap sides for DS1 and Ds2 so DS1 is getting out into the road. But he's such a ditz at times, I think it's still safer to let him out kerbside.

Sorry, slight ramble there! YWNBU, he was a twat.

kslatts · 13/10/2015 15:39

He was wrong to be so rude and aggressive, but I wouldn't be too impressed if someone gestured me to stop.

GloGirl · 13/10/2015 15:41

The safest place for a car seat in behind the driver so that's where my first was. Now that i have two the point is moot. It's impossible to drag them both out of the passenger side.

He was being unreasonable.

FeliciaJollygoodfellow · 13/10/2015 15:42

I also used to do the toddler first and then the baby but actually if the baby seat clicks in on the far side you'd have to do the baby first. Or you might have two toddlers. Or you might have any other sort of situation where people just need to stop being arseholes and behave like normal human beings who can pause for 1 minute

This 100%.

beefthief · 13/10/2015 15:44
  1. You should never block a road, unless an emergency
  2. You shouldn't scream and shout at strangers over perceived slights

Everybody was a bit wrong, but out of the two of you, hopefully you'll be the one to grow and learn, while he'll be the one to gain nothing from the situation.

MajesticWhine · 13/10/2015 15:47

If you have a bad back and can't reach across to the other side of the back seat, then I would have thought it was a high priority to park so that your child is kerb side, especially on a narrow road like that. It sounds like you did your best under the circumstances though. And he was an arsehole.

DinoSnores · 13/10/2015 15:47

Could someone tell me (as there are plenty of you on this thread who can apparently manage it) how I get a baby, a toddler and a 4 year old all out of their seats in a row on to the kerbside?

ottothedog · 13/10/2015 15:48

Glogirl, its the middle back seat followed by passenger side back seat that are safest

Op, he was quite obviously a dick. Shouting and blocking traffic shows this. But i wouldnt go gesturing at drivers if you are not confident in a slanging match as some drivers are real idiots. Get the numberplate next time and report

whatsthatcomingoverthehill · 13/10/2015 15:49

beefthief there are plenty of roads where it is too narrow for a car to get past with a door open. Getting in and out of a car is not 'blocking the road'.

Drew64 · 13/10/2015 15:52

Firstly, go outside now and swap the child seat from behind the driver to behind the passenger.
1 - Because when you are driving it's easier to glance in the rear view mirror to see if your DC is ok
2 - Because it's safer to put your DC in from the pavement, you would normally park with the passenger side to the pavement.

This is neither wrong or right, legal or illegal. It's just common sense.

Regardless of what has happened today, it could have been anyone getting in and out of your car and care must be taken when you are driving down roads like this. You should always assume someone is going to open a door into the oncoming traffic iyswim.
I tire of drivers like this and they should not be allowed a licence to drive. Everyone has as much right to use the road, even you putting your little 'un in their child seat. You have done nothing wrong.

Don't let them wind you up, they are not worth the stress of worrying about.

ottothedog · 13/10/2015 15:55

Why not put it in the middle, safest, seat? Then you can sit on one of the other seats to fasten it up

DinoSnores · 13/10/2015 15:55

"I pointed out there that I believe if you are parked the wrong way round, as I'm thinking you were(ie on the right hand side), then you were parked illegally. You're not covered by insurance etc."

This is nonsense. The Highway Code says you shouldn't at night, but it won't mean that you are not "covered" by insurance. It may mean that should something happen, you are more liable than you might have been.

LittleBearPad · 13/10/2015 15:56

It would be impossible to get two children out one side of my car. An infant carrier (on Isofix) and an ERF seat preclude getting across the seat.

He was rude and I'm sorry you were upset. His responsibility to drive with due care and attention; not speed round a corner. As a pp says, I doubt he would have said the same to a man.

Mistigri · 13/10/2015 15:57

The side on which the car seat is installed is a complete red herring: drivers are not allowed to run over or intimidate pedestrians. End of story. I'd have had my phone out to get a picture of his number plate and I guarantee you he would have fucked off as soon as he realised that there was a slight risk of him having to justify his behaviour.

However if you only have one child ideally the seat should be on the passenger side or in the middle (but that's a completely separate issue).

Elvish · 13/10/2015 15:57

It seems like everyone on this thread assumes there is a kerb. Quite often narrow winding country roads don't have kerbs and have walls rather than open spaces to the side. When you pull in to avoid blocking other traffic you may be so close that you can't open the "kerb" side door at all.