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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

A driver just screamed at me... My fault or his?

119 replies

MaryPoppinsPenguins · 13/10/2015 14:35

I took my DD to visit my nan, she lives on quite a thin windy road that's absolutely packed with cars. To get from one end to the other you have to pull in (in front of occasional driveways) probably 10-15 times.

I parked, visited, and came back to the car to put my DD in on the road side. I waited about 3-4 minutes for a clear road and ran round there to put her in her seat. She was messing around and struggling and it took me longer than usual... I looked to the right and a car came speeding around the corner, not even giving me enough time to shut the door and get behind my car. I put my hand up in a 'wait' gesture... And he screeched up beside me, opened his window and said 'what the fuck?' Or something like that. I said that he was going really fast and I didn't think he'd stop' the road really is thin and he couldn't have got past me, I'm sure.

He said 'you look after your fucking self and I'll watch my own fucking driving...' And continued to shout at me while cars behaviour to queue behind him, and cars arrived and waited the other way.

I couldn't just leave my DD sitting unstrapped in the carseat and I have a really bad back and can't climb across to do it, so as he wouldn't move, I just opened the door as much as I could and strapped her in while he screamed at me. Everyone was bibbing like it was my fault but I was parked... He was the one blocking the road.

It's really shaken my confidence, I'm not the best driver and I really have to force myself to go out and actually use my car.

Was I in the wrong? Should I have found a place on the other side further down where she would've been kerbside? Should I not have signalled to him to wait?

OP posts:

AngelBlue12 · 13/10/2015 15:57

I have 5 kids, I can't get all of them out on the kerbside! He was TOTALLY in the wrong for being so abusive.

Iamnotloobrushphobic · 13/10/2015 15:58

Could someone tell me (as there are plenty of you on this thread who can apparently manage it) how I get a baby, a toddler and a 4 year old all out of their seats in a row on to the kerbside?

If baby is in an infant carrier you position them on the passenger side so that you get them out first and put the seat down, then you get toddler from the middle seat and the 4 year old can probably manage (SN excepted) to unbuckle himself and climb over and get out on the kerbside.
Getting back in is more tricky because you need to make sure the 4 year old is properly strapped in but he can get himself in and then when you have put the other two in you will only need to open the roadside door for long enough to check that 4 year kid is securely fastened (which means he is not on the road at least).

Shutthatdoor · 13/10/2015 16:00

It seems like everyone on this thread assumes there is a kerb.

The OP mentions it that is why

Mistigri · 13/10/2015 16:01

There is no need to get all of your kids out curbside unless you want to. Drivers just need not behave like tossers. It is not the duty of parents to ensure that the roads are always clear for dickheads who think that they have a god given right to drive like Jeremy clarkson.

Preminstreltension · 13/10/2015 16:07

agree mistigri and getting yourself and your passengers into your car in the most suitable way you can is not "blocking the road" any more than being a pedestrian crossing the road is "blocking the road".

I am a driver but I hate these drivers who think that roads must be kept clear for them to drive as fast as they wish at all times. It always amazes me when drivers turn into side roads at speed, blithely ignoring the children standing on the street corner waiting to cross. Wouldn't a good driver be conscious of children waiting to cross (or anyone for that matter) and slow down? Or let them cross if possible? But they don't because of this attitude that drivers have utter dominion over every piece of tarmac.

Original poster

MaryPoppinsPenguins · 13/10/2015 16:10

Sorry, I've been doing the school run.

I do have an older child who's car seat is also in the back (she's just turned 5) so that's why my younger DD's car seat was on the other side.

If my door was closed he could've got by, but with my door open, he couldn't.

I should've parked the other way but it's such a crazy road I literally happened upon a rare space and drove straight into it, as driving to a place to turn and going back would've meant it would 100% be gone.

I won't do it in future though... I'll just go further to find a space.

Sorry, I missed those two points out of my post earlier...

OP posts:

middlings · 13/10/2015 16:12

He was being an idiot.

I have a two year old and a three year old. Both are in extended rear facing car seats as per current recommendations. They are both quite large (the seats, not the children!). If anyone can recommend how I can get both in curb side, I'd be delighted to hear it!

As it is, I always put the two year old in curb side (having to ensure I park correctly in order to be able to do that or I'd have to adjust the seats the whole time) and then DD1 in roadside as she's more able to be told to behave herself while I'm doing it. But it's a nightmare.

Or you might have any other sort of situation where people just need to stop being arseholes and behave like normal human beings who can pause for 1 minute

I'm with Felicia

APlaceOnTheCouch · 13/10/2015 16:14

There was fault on both parts. He shouldn't have screamed. You shouldn't have blocked the road.

ottothedog · 13/10/2015 16:25

Dont feel you have to park a certain way because of one idiot

Paintedhandprints · 13/10/2015 16:26

He was an arse. No need to bang on about all this car seat side nonsense. He should be driving considerately and aware of hazards. Having a car door open for a few minutes is not obstructing the road. FGS.

FingerOFudge · 13/10/2015 16:26

I don't know why blocking a road for a minute is such a hanging offence? Obvs I wouldn't do it if I could avoid it, but I'm not going to get screamingly angry at anyone if I have to wait a minute.

I absolutely hate people beeping to show they're annoyed too. That's not what it's for.

SteamPunkGoth · 13/10/2015 16:27

Op, people are cunts. You were not in the wrong, he was.

Forestdreams · 13/10/2015 16:30

Finger from what the OP quoted, I think he was angry at OP commanding him to wait. An apologetic wave instead of signalling him to wait might have avoided the whole thing. But only he and OP really know.

Crabbitface · 13/10/2015 16:31

Nah you ANBU. He was being a dick. It doesn't matter why you were stopped - you could have had to pull over in an emergency because your child was being sick/choking or anything. He didn't know why you were doing what you were doing - the fact he thought it was appropriate to hurl abuse at a woman on her own with a small child really says more about him than it does about you.

Bearbehind · 13/10/2015 16:34

Having a car door open for a few minutes is not obstructing the road

If the car door is opened across the road to such an extent that another car cannot pass than how can it be anything other than obstructing the road??

It shouldn't be a big deal and people should be considerate but blocking a 'thin windy road that's absolutely packed with cars' with a car door, your backside and a small child is a pretty stupid thing to do.

ShelaghTurner · 13/10/2015 16:35

The man was an arsehole, quite why it was such hardship for him to slow down for a moment is beyond me. But it seems the answer is simple, get rid of one of your kids, keep moving the seat to the kerbside depending on which road you've parked on (obviously some kind of pulley system in the car would help with this) or sell your car and buy one with slidey doors that you may hate/may be too expensive/blah blah. God forbid people just act decently.

specialsubject · 13/10/2015 16:35

no excuse for screaming or hooting. Lazy sod should have got out of bed earlier if he was late.

solve the problem as you have said you are going to do - park further away where there is more room.

and please look into some lessons to deal with nervousness. Unrelated to this incident but you say you are a nervous driver.

PurpleHairAndPearls · 13/10/2015 16:43

People shouldn't act like dicks, I totally agree, but if there is a scenario where my DC are on a road (even for a minute) versus a scenario where my DC aren't on the road but it's a bit more trouble, I would pick the second option every time. It's not the blocking the road for other users so much as the safety of my DC that worries me the most, tbh.

People are dicks, that's the problem. If he had been going any faster, or not paying attention, or assumed OP would move, well it doesn't bear thinking about.

Admittedly car seats were smaller than the behemoths today but I had 3 under 4 with a three door car at one point, it was a right faff but I wouldn't have got them out onto the roadside if there was any other option.

The most useful thing I found was holding the wrist instead of a child's hand - gives you a better grip on them in the loading and unloading process

Iamnotloobrushphobic · 13/10/2015 16:46

For me getting kids out kerbside isn't about avoiding the kind of toss pots that the OP had to deal with its simply about keeping my children out of the road as some people unfortunately don't drive safely. If the child is put into the car on the kerbside it avoids them being taken into the road and therefore avoids some of the worst elements of reckless drivers.
The man who shouted was clearly an asshole, I don't think anybody has disputed that.

Iamnotloobrushphobic · 13/10/2015 16:47

Cross posted with purple, who said exactly what I was thinking.

Gruntfuttock · 13/10/2015 16:53

specialsubject no excuse for screaming or hooting. Lazy sod should have got out of bed earlier if he was late

WTF? No doubt he was annoyed at the OP commanding him to wait, not because he's a "lazy sod" who was late.

PurpleHairAndPearls · 13/10/2015 16:55

In fairness I probably should have said that some of my DC have sn and therefore it's riskier to have them on the road even when a bit older.

Whathaveilost · 13/10/2015 16:56

I only got my two it roadside where absolutely necessary.

So...ummmm. How do you manage that? Climb over strapped in toddler to remove baby and then reverse out via strapped in toddler. Then remove toddler?

The baby seat would be behind the driver seat, toddler seat behind the passenger.
Park up, get pram out ready, take toddler out, if it was raining make them sit in the front seat until ready but usually they would usually stand next to me, reach over and unclip baby. Put baby in pram.

so....ummmm, as you put it, sort of.

Jux · 13/10/2015 17:05

Sliding rear doors are a superb invention. We had Prairies - 3 altogether - because of that single feature. When the last one died we spent over a year insome foul little thing with normal back doors. Happily that has been replaced, and we have sliding rear doors again.

Can't recommend them highly enough.

(Nissan, start making the Prairie again. Everyone who's had one never wants another car.)

hackmum · 13/10/2015 17:06

A lot of drivers are twats.

Sometimes, through no fault of your own, you hold people up.

The other night I had to drive to my DD's school for a very busy event. It was so busy that I couldn't turn right into the school road - it was full of cars coming in and out. I stopped on the main road and indicated right and waited for the road to clear. Some idiot beeped at me and then overtook me on the inside, even going up on the pavement. Why? Because he couldn't be bothered to wait a few seconds.

We live in a time when there are a lot of people, and a lot of cars using the road, and usually lots of cars parked on the side of the road. It means people have to drive slowly, carefully and responsibly. Yes, it's not ideal for someone to have the car door open for loading their child in or out but frankly it's not a crime and it's just something you have to make allowances for. If you can't wait a few seconds because you're intent on speeding in an urban area, then you shouldn't be allowed to drive a car.

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