To say this child isn't having another fecking headband

[Puttheheatingon]

Dd1's party yesterday. I put a sparkly headband in each party bag. Apparently one of dd's friends snapped hers and told dd to tell me to get her another one.

They are 8. Not that I would entertain that for a smaller child. C'est la vie, no?

What sort of cheeky behaviour is this hmm? AIBU to have told dd no, I won't be buying her friend a new headband?

This year I bought a job lot of pretty coloured mini jute bags. I put a couple of bits of sparkly tat inside with some bubbles and bit of cake in. I thought perhaps they could keep the bag as a gift in itself. Was quite pleased with it. I like doing party bags.

That was after the grabby kids last year. I though I'd keep a tighter rein this year.

I had a horrific experience once where the hostess did different party bags for different ages. There were a couple of older boys (family friends) who got Playmobil figures and the younger ones got something else ( fair enough). Of course, DS saw the Playmobil pirate and wanted one. Total brat-tastic meltdown. He was horrific. I would have judged me big time. Still mortified. I had to literally carry him out to the car kicking and screaming.

We now have the mantra-

"You get what you get and you dont get upset"

And also of course the insistence that they must never ask for party bags which leads to:

"Thank you for inviting me. I had a lovely time and I'm not allowed to ask for a party bag" from DD (3).

I dont mind them except parents do tend to buy similar things (me included) and you only need so many of those bouncy balls. Those jelly hamburgers are delish though!

I agree it's just a. Silly conversation between 2 8 YOs. I find children really irritating at about 8, they're such irritating little know it alls

I give books and I don't really care if the kids would prefer plastic tat. I just can't bring myself to spend all that money on stuff that will hit the bin within 24 hours.

Elly you sound pretty ungrateful. Regardless of what is in the bag for you to throw it away as soon as they come home is a bit mean. What if your kids want to play/use the tat that's inside, don't they get that choice?

Someone has gone to the trouble of putting those bags together.

Gosh you lot are harsh! I'm very much of the 'you get what you're given' school of parenting but I think if I'd had a spare one I'd have handed it over - if not, it would have been 'Sorry, none left'. That said, if I was in this situation it would probably depend on the child involved - if it was an easygoing, non-entitled kind of kid who was upset about the broken headband I'd have been FAR more inclined to offer another headband than if it was a pushy, spoilt kid who probably felt like they had an automatic right to a replacement. Do I have a blanket approach when it comes to my DC's friends? Absolutely not

neolara what do you think will happen to those books if the child has read them/doesn't want them etc??

There's a lot of snob value on this thread. Giving anything including party bags is about the recipient not the giver.

Fair enough Snottage. I'm not convinced that an easy-going, non-entitled kind of kid would be telling your DD to get her a replacement. But maybe that's over-analysing the exact conversation between two 8 year olds.

Foslady I'd love to know what craft activity you gave them, to keep them busy all party.

Parents at our school started a trend - which we have gleefully jumped on - of asking all party children to bring a small present for a lucky dip (£2 max) instead of a birthday present for the birthday child. Then at the end of the party, instead of getting party bags, all the children get something from the lucky dip. All the kids are delighted, zero hassle and cost for the party-organising parents, much less expense and hassle for the other parents, no huge piles of presents that never get played with, no extra contribution to land fill. Perfect!

I wouldn't give it another thought. I know what kids are like and this would just go over my head. My DD loves a party bag, I hate them but do give them out at parties because I know most children like them. I just put in a little toy bracelet for girls and a few sweets now, I don't go overboard because I know most of it ends up in the bin. I would never complain about the contents received, I know the stress that goes into organising a party!

I feel a bit

Ds (4) broke one of those stretchy sticky men that crawl down glass when he got home from his cousin's birthday party. He got very upset (he didn't intentionally break it) so I asked if dsis had any spare so I could console him. Was I wrong? Or is it different if the child is younger and the adult is a family member?

As for party bags - I love them! Loved them when I was a child, love them now (I get very excited to see what plastic tat my ds has received!) I think it's a nice way of saying thank you for coming and (in most cases) bringing me a present.

A bit of a derail but it's lovely to read the messages from teachers/volunteers who did gifts for 'their' children.

20+ years ago I left (what is now) Year 11, my class having had the same form tutor for 5 years. She was genuinely upset that we were all moving on - on our last day she gave all the girls a gold bracelet and all the boys got a Parker Pen.

Both at the time, and now, I still think what a lovely thing that was to do, and can't have been cheap (there were 30 of us). I still have the bracelet.

iisme that sounds far from perfect. It may be convenient for parents but it's basically denying every child who has a birthday party presents from their friends. I think that's mean.

little that shows how much joy a child can get out of a small cheap toy. It amazes me that parents are prepared to spend hundreds of pounds of electronic equipment for young children but have an issue with a few toys from the pound shop.

When we were kids (in the 70s/80s - am old!), party bags were only ever sweets. Maybe a piece of birthday cake, but nothing non-edible. We bloody loved them.

I don't understand this new thing of adding to the mountain of 'tat' that parents are always complaining about.

I think party bags can be nice for a few years in middle childhood - say 3 to possibly 11. We've got a teenage party for DS coming up soon though - I don't have to do party bags do I?
Once or twice I even quite enjoyed putting them together. It was quite random though - some years you'd get better than others! I liked the party places that gave everyone a balloon - that kinda helped. Balloon and cake in a serviette ... sorted!

I like your lucky dip tradition lisme - I think that's fab and would make parties much more affordable for everyone, and no less fun. It can be a bit embarrassing how much in way of pressies you end up with if you have a big party. Now they're teenagers they often seem to get cash from friends, some of which could possibly go towards the party if that was needed I guess?

I swear some people do birthday parties just for the presents my sis totally does this and we are now wise to her ploys and never ever ever give into it

LittleLion I'm sure you were fine asking if there was a spare one.

It's probably in the way some people ask.

"Where did you get them so I can replace it" or "If you have a spare one could we please have it" is much better than "He hates this, swap it" or "You have to give us another one now".