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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To say this child isn't having another fecking headband

119 replies

Puttheheatingon · 12/10/2015 18:38

Dd1's party yesterday. I put a sparkly headband in each party bag. Apparently one of dd's friends snapped hers and told dd to tell me to get her another one.

They are 8. Not that I would entertain that for a smaller child. C'est la vie, no?

What sort of cheeky behaviour is this hmm? AIBU to have told dd no, I won't be buying her friend a new headband?

OP posts:
MiddleAgeMiddleEngland · 12/10/2015 19:30

It's probably just a conversation between the girls, nothing more.

I'd catch the child or her parent on the playground and say you're sorry to hear she broke her headband, they came from Poundland (or wherever) and if they go quickly there might be one left.

PeteHornberger · 12/10/2015 19:36

God, we had something similar-my MIL made lovely cupcakes with a different animal face iced on them -one for each child instead of a party bag for DD 3rd birthday party. One of the kids chose her cupcake, held onto it for ages whilst messing about getting ready to go home, which meant it got all crushed and mangled and then kicked off because it was all crushed and mangled (still edible, mind). So her mum brought her over to ask if she could swap it for another one...oh yes, am sure one of the other kids would like your sweaty, mauled cupcake! I said "no" and walked off - we hadn't made loads of spares and the mum has form for crap like that, always at some other child's detriment.

Marcelinewhyareyousomean · 12/10/2015 19:39

I had two mum's send their dds to return their party bags as they were unsuitable for girls/ dc age. It was a science / craft type thing that DS loved. Party bag was slime and sherbert that the dc had made, glowsticks, book of experiments to do at home, sweets and birthday cake. My dsis is a physics teacher and DS and most of his friends loved the party - lots of experiments making things and party food and a disco. It may sound wanky but it was what he wanted and he loved it.

I breezily told the girls to to leave it on the table. Two mum's were clearly unhappy and hoisting their bosoms; two little girls were very confused. I made two lifelong friends from wtaf looks we shared.

He is mad keen to have another party this year. With kids parties, no good deed goes unpunished. We've had loads of parties and i just CBA with a big event.

TendonQueen · 12/10/2015 19:44

Party's over, shop's closed! No more headbands.

I did once get asked by a twin if they could have one of the party bag things in the same colour as the other twin. I did look in my spare party bags but there weren't any more of that colour. Their mum did apologise for them asking.

TattyDevine · 12/10/2015 19:46

"Tatty I apologise.How about the mum who actually complained to school about sport day because the throwing/balancing events meant her daughter didn't win everything? That more your style?"

Getting there... Grin

Original poster
Puttheheatingon · 12/10/2015 20:23

Tatty same mother, when my dd was chosen to be Mary (I spent Infants school languishing at the back of the angels: this was a proud moment):

"Do you not realise how absolutely devastated my dd is that she isn't Mary?"

OP posts:
fastdaytears · 12/10/2015 20:26

She sounds awesome. I assume you handed over the blue headdress immediately with an apology?

TattyDevine · 12/10/2015 20:29

Well, at least you got to be an Angel. I was a bloody Oxen Angry

TattyDevine · 12/10/2015 20:30

But its no wonder the child has that attitude if her mother is like that.

But all is not lost - she will grow up to be brass necked and hopefully will be a Mumsnetter. And keep me amused in my dotage...

grumpybear68 · 12/10/2015 20:31

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

fastdaytears · 12/10/2015 20:32

My bestie cried when I got to be Mary so I gave her the role. Over stretched reception teacher didn't seem too concerned either way and neither of us told our mums AFAIK.

To be fair I didn't like the look of Joseph and the Angels had loads more fun. But she still owes me. LAURA T from Reception class 1989 are you out there?

SugarDiabetes · 12/10/2015 20:46

I was Angel Gabriel. I had real tinsel. In the 70s. ^^
^^
I did princess party bags for my DD's friends at her 16th - tiaras, feather pens, plastic rings, cheap lip gloss etc - and they were beyond delighted.

Party bags are wasted on the young.

PipPopPip · 12/10/2015 20:53

Oh I feel the annoyance, still a sore topic for me....

In a previous school I worked in I thought it would be nice to introduce the celebration of birthdays in assembly, most children were very happy for the sake of a quick song and small gift, but I ended up stopping it for similar reasons sadly. I got so wound up with a few it became the bane of my life:
-my dc doesn't like/ broke birthday gift and needs a replacement (regularly left as an urgent message with office staff refusing to tell anyone what the issue was until I dropped a meeting to hear it directly)
-the ones that dragged the whole assembly rummaging ungratefully through gift box with a sour face on
-parents whose doc had missed an assembly stroppily demanding their doc got 'their' gift ASAP ( I bought it all out my pocket, few saw it as a gift I gave, more a right)
-the one who moaned (well formally wrote a letter) she'd seen packs of the gifts in a pound shop (er, hundreds of dc in school! Hardly going to follow party rules!)
-ones who wanted to book term time holiday they knew wouldn't be authorised ( we don't fine so not the end of the world) and would write on the form they also expected a birthday celebration on a certain date.
-ones who changed their minds and asked mummy to call to have a different colour later
It's a shame, 90% loved it but I had to stop it before one of the usual hounders sent me over the edge on a bad morning and career ending replies came out instead of Mrs professional hat on-
I feel a bit bad still, for some children it was pretty much all the acknowledgement or chance to feel special on their birthdays they got. Ok, I feel crap....

miaowroar · 12/10/2015 20:53

Not parties - but party bag related.

I retired last summer and I had a year 7 tutor group. I put together a little party-type bag for each of them - pens and pencils, a slime toy that you throw at the wall and it sticks, puzzles, some sweets and other things that I can't remember now. It cost me a fair bit because there were 28 of them. (They had fun during the last registration, but what the hey, I was leaving Grin).

At the end of the last reg we all wished each other happy holiday and they ran off with their bags but one of the boys returned his bag to me as he already "had things like that at home" Shock

Fortunately a less spoilt boy anxiously asked if he could take the spare bag home for his little brother. I said of course and handed it over, but it left a bad taste - ungrateful little wretch.

SiobhanSharpe · 12/10/2015 20:53

Marceline, those party bags sound ace! (And not a wanky party at all). I don't see how the contents would be at all unsuitable for girls. They probably wanted them in pink... The mums' behaviour was in v. Bad Form and a shocking example to their DDs.

bettyberry · 12/10/2015 21:09

I didn't do party bags for DCs birthday. Glad I didn't. Only one showed up so he got all the sweets, far too many loom bands and some other stuff from the prize box

MsMermaid · 12/10/2015 21:36

Nobody has ever complained about my party bags for either dds parties, because they've always been entirely chocolate Blush

When I left my last school I had a year 9 form who I did little party bags containing sweets, a bouncy ball, a balloon, and a keyring that I had made and personalised for each child to do with their own interests. The amount of moaning I had to put up with during that day because "Mr x is leaving and he gave his form presents, why haven't you given us anything?" They almost didn't get the party bags I'd done (hours of work making those keyrings) because of their ungrateful attitude. I did give them out, and actually they were pretty enthusiastic about them when they saw them, but it left a bad feeling as my last memories of that school in a sea of bad memories of that school

derxa · 12/10/2015 21:40

When I taught full time I bought and gave out prizes (usually fancy pens or notebooks) for the kids who read every night each term. The kids loved it but the other teachers got annoyed. It put them in a bad light. I gave out endless biscuits for merit winners etc. I had a blast with my classes. We had such fun. I suppose this is all irrelevant but if ever any child seemed ungrateful I just whipped the item away from them. Happy Days.

MsAdorabelleDearheartVonLipwig · 12/10/2015 21:49

I did a party tub once. Told each child to help themselves to three or four things. Needless to say the grabby ones - literally - took handfuls of the tat. I was going to give the leftover tat to a friend for her dds party. There was nothing left.

NewLife4Me · 12/10/2015 22:00

Has anybody suggested that the girl might have been upset about and told OP's dd who kindly suggested they asked her mum for another.
This is something my ds would have done, they'd have both been in on it.

WelliesAndPyjamas · 12/10/2015 22:01

Such funny posts!! Love the thread!

Party bags here are

  • sweets
  • sweets
  • lump of cake
  • 2 or 3 gel pens from a multipack
  • sweets

All the little kids that come to my house are delighted with it!

derxa · 12/10/2015 22:14

Wellies That's all they really want. Grin

zipzap · 12/10/2015 22:22

When ds1 was about 6 or 7 I did a slice of cake and a 99p football instead of party bags, which went down very well. As we were leaving the venue the party had been at, some of the dads (including dh!) were showing off their footie skills kicking the balls around gently with the boys (it was at a sports field so OK) when the dad of ds's best friend managed to kick his son's new ball onto the roof of the sports centre...

He was very embarrassed, his son couldn't believe his ball had just flown out of his life, and his wife (a good friend of mine) was mortified and telling him off. None of them thought to ask for another ball, let alone demand one. The dad said he would buy a new one for his son.

As it happened I did have a couple of spares so I did give him one - with strict instructions that he wasn't to let his dad near it plus it provided a sourced of gentle teasing for several years afterwards so it was worth it Grin

however if it had been one of the other dc at the party who were cheeky, rude or entitled then I would have been directing them to the sports hall managers to retrieve their own ball and saying tough, like you!

travellinglighter · 12/10/2015 22:27

Not a party bag one but we invited one child to a party where the mum was very anxious to stress that the child was dairy and gluten free. Fair play. Made gluten free sandwiches, gluten free treats and went to great length’s to stress what the child could eat and couldn’t eat. Helicopter mum hovered round her precious darling all through the party. Again, fair enough if he has all these issues.

Except of course when I caught him being closely supervised while spooning up chocolate with breadsticks from the chocolate fountain. “I thought he was dairy and gluten free?” Says my then wife, “He’s old enough to know the consequences of his actions” was the reply. He was 5.

Marcelinewhyareyousomean · 12/10/2015 23:01

Thanks Siobhan, I don't understand the unsuitable nature if the present. Etiquette for part bags is to say thank you and take them home.

At the same party another mum complained about the choice of food because it was for x's tea (cheese or ham sandwiches, cakes , crisps and veg sticks). Again I catered for DS, no special diet, just not a 'proper tea'. Confused

Everyone else was lovely, especially some of the additional tiny siblings that behaved beautifully and were tonnes of fun.